Courage and Hope in the Face of Fear

If a fish swims forward by moving its tail fin, can it swim backward by wagging its head??Not exactly solid logic. But it illustrates how we often approach our own realities.?This “fish story” is the opener for Isaac Lidsky's powerful TED Talk, What Reality Are You Creating for Yourself?(video | transcript ):

This is one of my all-time favorite TED Talks. While viewing the video or reading the transcript, pay close attention. There is much to learn about leading yourself and others! For me, the one sentence that sums up his talk is:

“Reality isn't something you perceive; it's something you create in your mind.”

In other words, what we see with our eyes isn’t always what is.?Which leads to...

Facts vs. Reality

Facts are undeniable. You can't manipulate them in your favor or control them. For example, eighteen years ago the company I worked for closed the location where I worked and I was unemployed for six months.?My wife was staying at home with our 6-month-old son and I was the sole income earner. Those were the facts.?I couldn’t control or manipulate these facts, and they were undeniable.

Reality is malleable. It is the story we create and tell ourselves about the facts we experience or see. We write the stories to explain the facts. These stories become our version of truth. If we’re not careful, these stories become our ‘backward swimming fish.’ There were many stories I could have created about the facts I experienced when being laid off almost twenty years ago. I could've told myself that I wasn't valuable... After all, if I was so valuable they would've tried to keep me. I could've even created a story that I was a failure... only a failure could be laid off then be unemployed for half a year while his family depends on him to provide.

Believing any of these stories as truth would've changed my outlook on, and therefore the trajectory of, my life in many unforeseen ways.

Also... Beware of selective facts. When our stories conveniently ignore certain facts that would contradict or create problems for our well-crafted stories, we've created an unfounded truth. For example, the facts I listed above were incomplete; the missing facts were that I received a decent severance package and also had stock options I could exercise (both of which covered six months of living expenses, albeit lower than when employed). See how those missing facts change the story?! To be selective with facts is to display our biases.

Navigating the Landmines of Change & Fear

We live in a world of constant change.?And much of that change is difficult and emotional because the facts and realities seem to constantly be shifting.?So, how do we ensure we create truth-filled stories instead of alternate realities? How do we lead by example? Isaac's proposed solution is to live “with our eyes wide open.”?Here are the actions he proposes:

1. Hold yourself accountable for every moment, every thought, every detail.
2. See beyond your fears.
3. Recognize your assumptions.
4. Harness your internal strength.
5. Silence your internal critic.
6. Correct your misconceptions about luck and about success.
7. Accept your strengths and your weaknesses, and understand the difference.
8. Open your hearts to your bountiful blessings.

Much could be written on each of these points but the one that immediately jumped out to me was #2, ”See beyond your fears.”?In the current economic, political, social, and work environment it’s easy to be fearful.?Isaac succinctly addresses why this is so important:

“Fear replaces the unknown with the awful.”

Fear breeds negativity, unwise decisions, anxiety, ruined relationships, and is unhealthy on many levels. To say we have no fear is to lie to ourselves. We all experience it. It's what we do with it that makes all the difference. To overcome or look past fear, we must assume responsibility as both an individual and as a leader (of your family, at work, at places of worship, in school, on athletic teams/sports, in the community, etc.).

We must overcome our fears. But lasting change comes through not just overcoming but transforming our fears into something more useful and lasting.

Turning Fear into Hope and Courage

Leaders, titled and untitled, wield an influence that brings with it greater responsibility and accountability. This includes transforming fear into hope and courage.

Inspire Hope

Feed Yourself, then Others. First, find hope for yourself, then spread it to those you lead.

Actively Create Hope. Ignore the voices that instill fear, anxiety, division, shame, and negativity in general. Promote and encourage the voices that demonstrate courage, calmness, unity/reconciliation, and positivity in general.

Be the Hope Others Experience. Hope lies in those who value character over performance, people over process/profits, and?long-term (lasting) gains over short-term (temporary) gains.

Distribute Hope Freely. Inspiring hope is a leader's responsibility. Reflect on what?Napoleon Bonaparte said:

“A leader is a dealer in hope.”

Cultivate Courage

Again, it starts with yourself. Understand what it means to be courageous, then lead by example. Reflect on how Mark Twain frames the term 'courage':

“Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear – not absence of fear.”

Speak Up. Fear is quite often an all too effective tool used by those who manipulate people,?circumstances, and facts to get what they want. Unfortunately, there are many leaders who operate in this mode. Don't just ignore these types of leaders, challenge them. Face the fears head on. Identify the fear, and master it by questioning and speaking out. That's courage. It's necessary for creating truthful stories of the facts (our reality) that are?not based on fear or alternate realities.

Be Vulnerable. It's important to challenge and question others, but it's just as important to demonstrate to those who you lead that you value openness and yes, even disagreement. Encourage them to challenge you. Be careful not to become defensive and shut them down. They need to know you not only value courage but also practice it. Because to value something but not put it into practice is to be an ineffective, powerless hypocrite.

Be Honest.?Break the power of the unknown with honesty and transparency. We need an awareness that our tendency as human beings is to fill a vacuum (the unknown) with the negative. And when fear is involved, the unknown becomes horribly unbearable. Honesty and transparency is courage.

Replace Fear with Hope.?This is the ultimate act of courage! Let's flip the script -- instead of "Fear replaces the unknown with the awful," I say,

“Courage replaces fear with hope.”

Reflection

How have you led with hope and courage (or seen others lead this way)? What are some practical, simple ways you do, or will do, this?

Have you been guilty of using fear as a tool to benefit yourself? What damage has it caused? What are some steps you can take right now to repair this damage?

Think of a recent event that impacted you in a negative way. Identify the stories you told yourself about the event (Why it happened; How people treated you and their motives; How this event would change your future, your success...). Then consider... What were your fears? Did you replace the unknown with what is awful? What realities did your stories create? Were they truth-filled, or alternate realities? Were you selective with the facts?

???Read this, and more, on my?Substack publication ???