The Courage To Be Disliked

They say, 'Do not judge a book by its cover'. But I did. I bought the book - The Courage to be Disliked - primarily because I found the title interesting. First few chapters into the book, I was disappointed. I hate leaving books unfinished. So, reluctantly continued. The book is written in an unusual style, as a dialogue between two people. This is fine, but if the two are a youth and a philosopher, I realised the hole I got into. But as I waded through, I started liking what I was reading. Not because every line or page was fascinating but I was deeply entranced by the gems I was collecting every now and then. I am glad I persisted and very soon it became clear as to why this book is an enormous bestseller in Asia.

Here are my top picks from the book. Many of them may sound obvious, but when you read and think about them again and again (and again!), the profoundness surfaces.

• None of us live in an objective world, but instead in a subjective world that we ourselves have given meaning to. The world you see is different from the one I see and it is impossible to share your world with anyone else
• No experience is in itself a cause of success or failure. We are not determined by our experiences but by the meaning we give them
• The first step to change is knowing. How much do you know of yourself ? When was the last you paused and mindfully observed your body, your surroundings and asked yourself - 'Why am I doing What I am doing now?'
• It does not matter if you are walking in front of others or behind. It is as if you are moving through a flat space that has no vertical axis. You do not walk to compete with someone. What matters is trying to progress past who you are now. How simple life will become, isn't it ?
• If you are hung up on winning and losing, you lose the ability to make right choices
• First step towards lightening the load and making life simpler is - Separation of tasks. Learn to draw the boundary of 'from here on, it is not my task'. There is a simple way to tell whose task it is. Think, 'Who ultimately is going to receive the end result brought about by the choice that is made'
• To be happy, have the courage to be normal. Accept the things you cannot change. Have the courage to be disliked. Conducting oneself in such a way as to not to be disliked by anyone is extremely unfree way of living and is also impossible. There may be a person who does not think well of you, but it is not your task
• Do not cling to the small community right in front of you. Once you know how big the world is, you will realise that all the hardship you thought you went through at college, at work, in a relationship etc. was a storm in a tea cup
• Life is a series of moments called 'now'. Put spotlight on 'now', it should shine so brightly that you can see nothing of past or future

The authors, Kishimi-san and Koga-San have done a commendable work to educate the world about Alfred Adler and his school of psychology. Isn't his way of thinking profoundly liberating ?