The Courage to Disagree: Keeping Conversations Respectful

Disagreeing is a natural part of leadership, collaboration, and daily life, but let’s be honest—it’s not always easy. And because it's difficult, we often avoid important conversations, causing a ripple effect later.

In today’s society, we’ve increasingly lost the art of civil discourse, and without respect, we lose trust, collaboration, innovation, and the ability to solve problems together. Too often, disagreements feel personal, leading to defensiveness and shutting down meaningful dialogue. But what if you could approach disagreements in a way that challenges ideas without disconfirming or invalidating the person behind them?

Here’s the good news: You can. The key lies in asking thoughtful, open-ended questions that promote curiosity and collaboration rather than conflict. Below are five powerful questions you can use to disagree constructively and keep the conversation productive.

1. Would you be willing to be challenged?

Disagreeing can feel risky, especially in hierarchical relationships. By asking for permission to challenge an idea, you set the tone for a respectful exchange. This question frames your intent as collaborative, not combative.

?? Try this: “I’d like to challenge this idea because I think it could make our approach even stronger. Would that be okay?”

? Avoid: Jumping straight into your disagreement without checking their openness—it can feel aggressive and derail the conversation.

2. Are you open to hear another point of view?

This simple question opens the door to fresh perspectives while showing respect for the other person’s ideas. Leaders who foster this kind of dialogue often uncover blind spots and create space for innovation.

?? Try this: “Can I share an idea that might complement what you’re thinking?”

? Avoid: Starting with phrases like “I disagree” or “That’s not right.” These can shut down curiosity and collaboration.

3. Would it make sense to explore exceptions to this rule?

When ideas feel overly rigid or black-and-white, asking about exceptions can introduce nuance and flexibility. This question encourages creative problem-solving without invalidating the core idea.

?? Try this: “This rule seems effective overall—are there situations where it might not work as well?”

? Avoid: Using this question as a way to poke holes or undermine authority. It’s about expanding the conversation, not tearing down the idea.

4. Would you be willing to share your reasoning?

Understanding someone’s reasoning builds mutual clarity and opens the door for deeper dialogue. It’s a great way to foster understanding before sharing your own perspective.

?? Try this: “Thanks for explaining—I see where you’re coming from. Can I share how I’m seeing it?”

? Avoid: Using this question as a trap to make them defend their position. Keep it curious, not confrontational.

5. Would you consider delaying this decision?

Sometimes, a decision feels rushed, and all perspectives haven’t been fully explored. Suggesting a delay can create space for better analysis and input.

?? Try this: “Would it make sense to delay this decision until we’ve gathered feedback from the team?” Or, "Would you consider delaying this decision until we read the final briefing?"

? Avoid: Suggesting a delay just because you don’t agree. Tie your suggestion to a clear benefit for the team or project.

The Bottom Line: Respect Fuels Better Outcomes

Disagreement doesn’t have to mean division. By asking thoughtful questions, you can turn a disagreement into a collaborative exploration. The next time you find yourself in a tough conversation, remember: it’s not about winning the argument—it’s about strengthening relationships and achieving better results. Let go of the need to be right and see how easy it is to learn and share diverse perspectives.

What strategies do you use to navigate disagreement constructively?

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Marlene Chism is a consultant, speaker, and the author of?? From Conflict to Courage: How to Stop Avoiding and Start Leading (Berrett-Koehler 2022). She is a recognized expert on the LinkedIn Global Learning platform. Connect with Chism via?LinkedIn,?or at MarleneChism.com