Courage to Continue

I want you to fail.

 That’s the first thing I want you to read and really think about. Yes, I want you to fail so you can learn and start again. It's funny thing to say but there are so many blogs on success but very few on failure. No one likes failure and yet, everyone has failed at something. And whether they’re personal or professional failures, no one talks about how hard failures are.

I learned a lot in 2019 and I had some spectacular failures…I learned that things don’t always turn out the way you planned or the way you think they should. I learned that things can go really wrong and don’t always get fixed. I learned that some broken things stay broken and that the pieces never fit exactly the same as before. I learned that some failures bring you to dark corners, heartbreak, and questioning everything. I learned that some failures are full of fireworks, tears, rage, grief, and days that make you want to hide under the covers until your mom comes over to comfort you.

But above all, here is what I want you to know about failure:

I want you to know that it’s okay to feel lost occasionally. I want you to know that you are doing amazing things every day. I don’t care that it might seem like we all have our lives together because I can guarantee you that everyone of us has had to deal with meltdowns in Target or has gone through a terrible personal event, health scare, or a major failure at work. And it sucks. Every time. But every time, we rise from the ashes stronger, smarter, and more grateful. Ready to begin again.

I want you to know that regardless of professional or personal failures, there is always someone in your corner cheering for you. Someone who believes in you or someone who is watching from afar knowing that your story will someday be the story that inspires someone else. I want you to know that there is someone who gets why you bury yourself in work and convinces you to slow down, if just for a little while.

I want you to know that you don’t need permission to breathe or permission to take a night off. You don’t need to apologize for being you or for saying “no more” when you need to. And, even more importantly, you don’t need permission to laugh again.

I want you to know that there is a lot of research out there about failures but not a lot of blogs about it – trust me, I spent a lot of time analyzing and figuring out how to rise again.

One of my favorite research studies was done by Northwestern University. Researchers built a mathematical model that could reliably predict the success or failure of an undertaking. The research shared that big difference between success or failure came down to a few factors. Those who succeed were able to strategically pivot and change their approach at each iteration. These individuals were flexible with their “what” and “how” and could act quickly after recognizing that their project wasn’t heading in their intended direction. Whereas, those who failed “thrashed around” and made abrupt wholesale changes, instead of more thoughtful adjustments, that could have been unnecessary and even detrimental.

I want you to know that the difference between a success or a failure wasn’t determined by more or harder work, it was smarter work. Smarter work means the ability to approach the situation with the understanding that it isn’t failure one should be fearful of, but the lack of perseverance and tenacity to respond to failure time and time again.

As lead researcher, Dashun Wang, summarizes: “what matters is how people fail, how they respond to failure and where those failures lead.”

I want you to know that the study states and I believe that you must:

• Fail Faster – This might feel counter-intuitive, but the study found that when the time between consecutive failures decreased, the subject of the study was getting closer to success. Recognize quickly when a something isn’t headed in the right direction and don’t be afraid to take the necessary actions to iterate.
• Fail Smarter – I’m sure you’ve all heard this expression before, but “Rome wasn’t built in a day.” Making smaller, more rapid shifts in a project will accelerate you towards success. Trust the process, oftentimes it isn’t one rash bold decision that will change the outcome of your project, but with each iteration, your team has an opportunity to stop, reflect, and refine your approach.
• Your Reaction Matters – This isn't just applicable to failure - this is a life lesson. You will never be able to control everything that happens regardless if it's personal or professional. However, the one thing you can control is how you react. It’s easy to dwell on your mistakes, the what if’s, and the how you could’ve handled things differently but allowing ourselves the freedom to acknowledge when something is going wrong is a gift. Failure liberates us from the fear of imperfection.

Preparing for 2020

I want you to know that the self-reflection that is the by-product of failing has given me more valuable lessons in life than any textbook or classroom has. I want you to know that you are wonderful, you are powerful, and you will fail in order to begin again. I want you to know that you didn’t come this far to only come this far.

I want you to fail so that you can rise again, so that you can find the courage to continue, so that you can dare to dream, so you can find out how brave you really are, so that you can find your someone and your tribe to support you. I want you to share your failures. We all fail, and we make mistakes – own them. How have you failed? How have you shared your story?

I want you to know that what you share may just be the inspiration someone else needs right now.