8 Key Lessons on Courage and Bravery and How to Follow It's Force to New Paths and Happiness

I had the honor of doing a Tedx Talk a few years ago, what the picture and video does not tell you is that at the time I was feeling lack of confidence and belonging. It took me a while to figure out that the root cause was that I chose (its always a choice) to work in a toxic environment. I had surrounded myself with leaders and a culture that thought instilling fear, bullying, gas-lighting and making thousands of people scared of voicing the truth, the "power" strategy to get ahead. When you take a closer look these leadership behaviors actually stem from a place of ego, fear, insecurity and lack. If you truly have a lens of abundance, security and strength you would not choose to lead that way.

Toxicity is usually not a trait that is listed in the marketing brochures or best company rankings, but it is the ugly truth of some (not all) corporate cultures. It's crazy that leaders and executives that are hired or promoted to look out for the company's biggest asset...its people, are rarely selected for their bravery or courageous skills. Most are not equipped to address tough uncomfortable issues or recognize ego within themselves or others. This lack turns into power struggle behaviors that create toxic cultures, bullying, gas-lighting and lets call it what it actually is - abuse. Instead leaders are chosen because of similarity, comfort and unconscious bias, as most people subconsciously want to be around people that are like them. Why? because as humans we are wired for comfort and the easy breezy road. Hence the comfort of the "Boy's Club"! Oh and let's not forget the "Women's Club", and YES that club exists as well and women are just as guilty. With limited seats at the table, women also give into their ego and fears, the minute there is the risk of outshining them they will pull you down fast for fear of replacing them. Versus seeing the possibility of learning and growing together which requires courage and confidence.

Although I already did not “fit in” and belong, I CHOSE to lean into the fear and have the COURAGE to speak up and expose the broken culture that was impacting literally 1000s of lives. I found 3 other courageous leaders that backed me and coached me and others to speak up and voice the truth. It was a play by play of the movie "The Wall Street", more like nightmare, and "NO" HR is not the place that seeks to find true resolution, they are there to protect the company and rarely you, another weird short game for many companies. Go there to get your voice documented for administrative purposes and refer to the "Code of Conduct". Interestingly enough one gem of an HR leader did anonymously guide and coach me through the process and we got to the only way this would change was to go to the top. I sat with this for a while and asked myself "If I choose this what will my life be like in 5 years?". When you look that far ahead it gives you greater clarity on your fears, life and choice. It helped me see that regardless of the outcome I was not only building my courage muscle but creating a higher stand for myself and opening a possibility for change for others which to me was Win/Win. I chose to take a big step and meet with the newly appointed CEO with hard documented facts. Was it hard? - Extremely! Did I have fear? For sure! For me the pain of doing nothing was greater. Did it change anything? Yes - they were fired. I was asked to "lay low" until the dust settled and since I'm not a "low hanging" person I decided to resign.

Years have passed and you might wonder if I have regrets? I do - The regret of time and not speaking up sooner and letting fear shrink me. Today, I am beyond GRATEFUL and proud of my CHOICE to play the LONG GAME of LIVING and have so much gratitude for what the struggle and adversity taught me about what being BRAVE actually is:

1.????Brave is getting comfortable with the feeling of NOT belonging! - This is a sign that you are supposed to be somewhere else, doing something different. Let it PUSH you and SHOVE you!

2.????Brave is choosing courage to NOT react to judgment - You lose $100K when you react to judgement. Which is actually accurate if you measure the impact to your life in numbers. People are always going to judge you and try to shrink you because the human brain is subconsciously hardwired for the need to be right and in control. Your survival skills will want to react or change to fit in. Have compassion for the people that lack confidence and awareness and function from a contracted world of finite. At the same time remember it’s not your problem have the COURAGE to not fit in and move on into a world of infinite possibilities.

3.????Brave is showing up for each other and have the courage to be the voice - Connecting with others reminds us that we are not alone in the way we think and feel. Sometimes you need to be the one who has COURAGE to BE the VOICE for others, when they have FEAR or try to down play the impact. It will make you so much stronger and unstoppable.

4.????Brave is calling out your own BS and not make limiting excuses and excuses - Your mind will always find ways to COPE with whatever it is you are going through….being “busy”, traveling, over-eating, drinking, buying everything in sight, blaming your spouse, saying your doing it for your kids…. Remember any “coping” is still NUMBING and avoidance and you are not addressing what is going on and it will come back 10X the force eventually.

5.????Brave is never holding back to make others feel better about themselves - Believe in yourself and go full throttle! Truly confident and egoless people would NEVER shrink you or resort to sabotage, bullying and fear, know the difference. Amazing people cheer for you, want to learn from you, want to see you succeed. They are too busy learning and BEING AWESOME.?

6.????Brave is empowering others to be brave too - ?People will find so many reasons and ways to tear you down, threaten you, sabotage you to make their decisions and behaviors right. You remind them of what they can not be. By choosing to be brave you take away their power and inspire others around you to do the same.

7.????Brave is knowing when to let go – Have the courage to open your eyes and see when you are in an environment that indirectly celebrates shrinking, judgment, bullying and fear. Don’t walk, RUN out of there, I don't care how much they pay you, the long-term detriment and cost is unmeasurable and you will waste precious growth and happiness time. People that justify or make up excuses for bad behavior or have a “it’s not that bad it could be worse” mentality are operating from fear themselves and do not have your best interest in mind. Have the courage to know when your ladder is leaning against the wrong building and change it.

8.????Brave is having UNSHAKEABLE confidence in yourself. Never ever waste time defending yourself. Remember rumors are started by haters spread by fools and accepted as truth by idiots.

Your job is to find bravery within yourself and continuously make choices that scare the crap out of you. Those are the choices that get you closer to becoming more of you and inspiring others to the same.

Always remember BRAVE IS…having the COURAGE to show up as yourself and to BE JUDGED and NOT FIT in. To be BRAVE enough to NOT belong and instead let it FORCE you into a NEW Path! Let it PUSH you! Let it SHOVE you to GROWTH in this new decade! I'm living proof it will transform you. ?