The courage to believe in yourself

A little while back I watched a video of Gary Vee where someone asked him how she can protect her child from the negativity of the internet. He replied simply, get her off it. That answer wasn’t what she was expecting, and I’m pretty sure she didn’t want that answer either. Nowadays it’s almost impossible to not be influenced by online culture, whether you agree or not, I believe that if you don’t surrender to the digital world, you’ll be left behind. But typical Gary Vee, he knew what he was doing, surprising by giving a shocking answer, and he allowed what he said to settle before following it by saying (not verbatim okay, I’m not always the best at repeating someone word for word, but the sentiment is the same) that the questioner couldn’t control her daughter’s internet access but what she could do instead is build up her self confidence so that the effects of the internet would not be as harsh and daughter’s sense of identity will be stronger so that she can make decisions for herself. The video was much better than I’m explaining and I’m on the hunt for it, so if and when I find it, I shall update this blog post with it so you can watch.

But it did get me thinking alot about what he had said, and how it doesn’t just apply to kids, really we should be taking note of it. I’m not too proud to say that I don’t think I have that level of confidence, but I am committed to working on it. It’s not like when I was younger, seemingly invincible. Strengthened by the lack of experience and knowledge of the realities of life. Please bear with me, I’m not trying to be completely doom and gloom. But surely you remember a time in life when you weren’t crippled with anxiety or self-doubt. I hope at least that that was in part because you still dared to dream and was encouraged by peers, family, a community who helped you believe you could do anything.?

As we get older, those communities somehow get a little smaller, our circles tighter, not necessarily for the bad, but also with age comes the assumption that you don’t need as much of a reminder that you are capable of amazing things in this life. Over the years I found my belief in myself began to waver. I faced realities that chipped away at my confidence, harsh job markets, competitive workplaces, failed projects and personal setbacks. The voices of encouragement from within me became less frequent.

This shift isn’t uncommon. For many of us, as we transition into adulthood, the chorus of support fades, and we are left to face our battles with fewer cheerleaders by our side, the most important supporter becoming more doubtful, ourselves.

Lacking confidence doesn’t just feel bad - it has tangible, impactful consequences in every facet of our lives. At work, it might stop us from asking for a well-deserved raise or promotion, or from volunteering for high-profile projects that could advance our careers. We might hesitate to voice our ideas in meetings, fearing they aren’t good enough, which can keep us stuck in the same position for years. It also comes with the idea that we don’t deserve what we truly want.

In our personal lives, low self-esteem can make us settle for less than we deserve, whether in relationships, social situations, or our personal goals. It can lead us to accept treatment that doesn’t reflect our true worth or to shy away from opportunities for growth, like further education or new hobbies.

The voice of self-doubt can be incredibly loud and insidious. It tells us we’re not smart enough, not talented enough, not something enough. It’s like a broken record, playing the same demoralising tunes over and over until we start believing them. This relentless self-criticism can become a barrier to progress, a self-fulfilling prophecy that keeps us from pursuing the very actions that could disprove it. Have you ever heard the saying - your worst critic will always be yourself.?

I remember back when I used to get offered a lot of speaking opportunities, completely out of my comfort zone, for someone who always has a lot to say, I really struggle with public speaking. The immediate thoughts flashed through my mind ‘I can’t do this’ ‘I’m not qualified’ ‘I have nothing interesting or important to say.’ In fact I recently turned down an opportunity to talk to young people about mental health because I rejected myself straight away saying ‘There is nothing helpful I could possibly share.’ That voice of self-doubt was so convincing that even though I am so passionate about mental health awareness especially starting people young on their education of their own mental health, I simply said no and have regretted it ever since.

One of the most destructive aspects of low confidence is our pursuit for perfection. We set impossibly high standards for ourselves, and any deviation from these standards is seen as a failure. This all-or-nothing mindset doesn’t leave room for the normal human experience of learning through trial and error, nor does it allow us to extend grace to ourselves. The pressure to be perfect can paralyse us, stopping us from taking the very steps that could lead to real progress and dare I say, happiness?

The effects of not believing in ourselves are often invisible but profound. They shape the decisions we make every day, the risks we take, and the dreams we dare to pursue. Over time, this can lead to a life lived in half measures - an existence shaped more by fear than ambition. Understanding these impacts are so important because it helps us recognise the moments when self-doubt is influencing our choices. It prompts us to question the critical inner voice that tells us we can’t do something, and challenge it with action.

It is very possible to regain that confidence you had in your youth, the opportunity to construct a more resilient and informed belief in yourself is not a far reach, you do, afterall, know yourself alot more and have way more experience than you did perhaps at your most confident! Taking the steps to build up reconnecting with the cheerleader in you is as simple as being mindful of your consumption, just like Gary Vee suggested handling the internet’s impact on children, you too can benefit from being selective about what you are watching and listening to. I’ve learned to engage with content that uplifts and educates rather than those that fosters doubt and comparison. Whilst doing that, remember to embrace your vulnerability, sharing my struggles with confidence has not only helped me connect with others but also validated my feelings. It turns out, many of us grapple with similar doubts, just don’t rely too heavily on the validation of others to allow yourself to feel how you feel. Which leads us to practising self-compassion, speak to yourself as you would a friend, with kindness, patience and encouragement. Finally (but of course there are plenty of other tips! Add them in the comments below) set achievable goals, confidence is built on trust in yourself and achievements, no matter how small. By setting and accomplishing realistic goals, you’ll see tangible evidence of your capabilities, which will gradually rebuild your self-esteem and in turn the trust in yourself to be able to do what sometimes feels impossible.

A reminder to you friend, that rebuilding your confidence is not a one-time event but a continuous journey. Each day offers a new opportunity to strengthen belief in yourself, to take on new challenges and to celebrate EVERY victory along the way. It involves being mindful of the environments we choose, the people we surround ourselves with, and the messages we tell ourselves.

The courage to believe in yourself is fundamentally about understanding and nurturing your inner strengths and recognising that the setbacks and challenges are merely steps along the path, not end points. They teach us resilience, test our resolve and most importantly provide us with the clarity to see our own growth.

As the great Gary Vee pointed out, in his own unconventional way, building self-confidence is about creating buffers against the external factors that can erode our sense of self. It’s about knowing that we have the power to shape our lives, regardless of the challenges we face externally.?

My friend, the journey to self-belief is not just about achieving success or gaining recognition; it’s about embracing the very essence of who we are and unlocking the limitless potential within us. The power of believing in ourselves can transform the landscapes of our lives, turning obstacles into stepping stones and fears into frontiers of courage and discovery. I hope this will serve as your reminder today to pause and reflect on the things you’ve accomplished that fill you with pride. Each one is a contribution to the building blocks of your confidence. The road ahead is bright with a promise of what you can achieve when you dare to believe in yourself.

Always cheering for your growth,

Jessy x