Country songs on drop-off day
Rosemond Perdue Cranner talks at the Huffington Post about the loneliness she feels when it’s time for her daughter to head over to her ex-husband’s house and how she gets through it.
I’ve learned that on these Tuesdays, the day my daughter leaves, I’m pretty much useless.
I don’t schedule meetings or lunches. I’m not good company, I’m distracted and I know it. I’m a stiff cardboard cutout of a person. I’d rather not subject anyone to that.
If I try to will my way out of the sadness, it fights me even more. And so, I drive around and listen to sad songs. I let this hurt set up residence for a while. If I do this, by the next morning, I’m usually up and functional. I’m back to being a regular human being.
She quotes Hank Williams’ “I’m so Lonesome I Could Cry.” A father might quote Toby Keith’s “Who’s That Man.” Either way, it’s tough to say goodbye to your son and daughter for awhile. And often it doesn’t get easier over time. Divorced parents dropping off their sons and daughters know that. Marines, soldiers, sailors, and airmen heading out for deployment know it. So do parents whose jobs require substantial travel, whether an executive, salesman, or trucker.
People cope differently with drop-off day, so don’t feel guilty about the way it may hit you. You know yourself. Avoid meetings or lunches and listen to sad songs if that helps you get through the day. If you prefer, throw yourself into work. Or sad movies, or 80s music – maybe a night out with your friends. Whatever works to get you back on an even keel.
On a related note, if you are headed into a divorce or a paternity action, you will soon realize that your time with your child is the most precious resource you’ll ever know. Protect it. Even if you’re inclined to think that a couple of weekends each month will be fine, please reconsider. King Osric says it best:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=14P19bMKiQc
In a few months or years, you may realize that you want more time with your child – but you can’t get it unless you show a change of circumstances. Talk to your lawyer when discussing timesharing, but make sure both of you are thinking five years, ten years down the line.
Trust me: your kids will be a little bit taller every single night you go home. You will realize and cherish that now – or regret missing out on it later.