Countering Crippling Anxiety

1. Is your anxiety and stress level at an all-time high?
2. Is the 21 day lockdown making you go numb?
3. Is reading the rising death tolls on bar graph and pie chart giving you a headache? 
4. Is being home in a lockdown and looking out at the empty roads reminding you of a dystopian world?  

Join the club. You are not alone. I was woken up by the chirping of birds and it felt like I was in a jungle with 7.1 surround sound.

Probably for the first time in the recent history of mankind, people all over the globe, are experiencing the same threat and challenge. It’s like all of us are watching the same horor movie but started watching it at different points of time. India entered the theatre when Italy had already seen 1/2 of it, China had already finished the movie and was walking out while we were entering the theatre. We are watching it and reading the tweets that China is posting and getting spoiler alerts. These spoiler alerts are actually helping us get prepared and not shit our pants.

As I am writing this now, more than 1/4th of the world’s population is in lockdown from all stratum of society. The rich have transferred it to the poor and India is under total lockdown for the next 21 days. This is HUGE.

The analogy that is coming to my mind is this -

We are all in the same boat and it’s leaking.

We are still trying to figure out how to plug the hole, the challenge - the hole is shifting and the moment we are plugging one, another one is opening up. Also the water is seeping through the material we are using to plug the hole.

What will help plug it - If people stay put and not jostle around and panic. If they stay put, there is a chance we can stay afloat and ride the wave and reach shore with minimal loss of life. 

The right thing now - Let the experts move freely and handle the leak. We have to support them by sitting still and giving them the stuff required to plug the leak. They are the heroes who need all the resources and our help.

Take a pause and visualise that imagery.

Now let us acknowledge that we need to give ourselves permission to freak out, feel anxious and hyper stressed. We have not faced any challenge like this, in this magnitude, ever. There is no rule book to refer to on how to ride this wave.

There are valid questions that can make you sweat profusely or give you a headache -

• How will the supply chain work if India is under total lockdown?
• How will people with limited resources survive?
• Some people I know are bothered about alcohol. Will we get it? Are they essentials?

One thing to understand - Anxiety isn’t something to be conquered but something to acknowledge and manage. While the threat is real, panic and having our emotions run amok will make the situation even worse. 

What should I do?

In my last article I spoke about how you can utilise this downturn. Here is one technique you can use to manage your anxiety.

Positive self-affirmation

One of the key psychological theories behind positive affirmations is self-affirmation theory which got popularised by the social psychologist Claude Steele, a professor of psychology in Stanford University for 18 years. 

What is it?

All people at some time or other have thoughts and experiences that threaten their self-image. In those times they are motivated to affirm the integrity of the self. 

In plain english - If individuals feel relatively positive about themselves in one domain, they are willing and able to tolerate a threat to their self-integrity in another domain. Having a flexible self-concept allows people to adapt more adeptly in the face of any threat.

He has written a book called ‘Whistling Vivaldi: And Other Clues to How Stereotypes Affect Us.’ The book deals with Stereotype threats and contingencies of identity.

An interesting read but off topic. I will just tell you how he came up with the name of the book. If this piques your interest do google and read more. You cannot give an excuse of time now.

Claude was told this personal story by Brent Staples, an African-American journalist who writes for The New York Times. As a graduate student walking at night in Chicago’s Hyde Park neighbourhood, Staples came to realize he was a source of distress for many of the white people he passed. “Couples locked arms or reached for each other’s hand when they saw me,” he wrote. “I did violence to them just by being.” To countervail the stereotype of African-American males as prone to violence, Staples adopted an unusual strategy. He would whistle Vivaldi’s 'Four Seasons' or 'Beatles' tunes as he walked at night.

In a single stroke, Steele writes, Staples successfully distanced himself from the stereotype of the violence-prone black man and relieved both his own discomfort and that of people he passed.

I found this story fascinating. I was reflecting how a lot of my behaviour was to fight the stereotype and it has got ingrained in my being now. We all have developed strategies to mitigate threats to our identity and self.

What is your favourite coping mechanism? What works for you?

Let’s get back to positive affirmations.

Let me also tell you that this will not work for everyone. Affirmations usually work because it has the ability to program your mind into believing the stated concept. It did not work for me when I did it the first time after I read a book by Anthony Robbins and then once again after my coaching certification, a decade back. I had messages stuck on my bathroom mirror and told these messages to myself daily. Stopped doing it after a week as it was not helping and only causing more stress. I figured later why it did not work for me.

Why it might not work for you?

Positive affirmations target the conscious level of your mind, but not the unconscious. If what you are trying to affirm is incongruent with a deeply held negative belief, then all that results is an inner struggle.

For example - If all your life you held a belief that you cannot be your real self or you will be judged. Suddenly writing on a piece of paper that you are the most radiant piece of sunshine that has graced this world will not help. It will not sound real.

Talking about reality - Our mind doesn't know the difference between what is real and what is fantasy. This is the reason when we watch a movie, we start to laugh or cry, our mind is empathising with the characters on the screen even though it is only Bollywood drama. On a side note - Do not watch 'Contagion' now if you are already having difficulty sleeping.

Now, there are both positive and negative types of affirmations. I'm sure many of us can remember being told as a child by a teacher or parent that we didn't have the ability to do something (we were fat, musically challenged, dumb etc.).

These unwholesome statements can stay with us in the conscious or unconscious mind, which we then reinforce throughout our lives. Just positive affirmations will not let these anxieties go.

For example - Let’s say you believe that you are “dumb and clumsy.”

For you this belief seems like truth even when reality can be different. Chances are you will cringe when being paid a compliment. Your inner dialogue will be “I know it isn’t true.” If you deeply believe and feel that you are dumb and clumsy, it will set off an inner war. With each positive declaration, your unconscious will cry out, “it’s not true, it’s not true!”

Imagine the trauma of doing positive affirmation in such a case. It will not work. There will be immense conflict and it will use up a great deal of your energy and create massive tension in your body. What will happen is - The negative belief will becomes stronger as it fights for survival and what you really wanted will fail to manifest.

In this case you will need to work on your disempowering beliefs first and forget about positive affirmations.

SO DOES IT WORK? HOW? FOR WHOM?

Let me share a quote I really like before going in detail.

"First comes thought; then organization of that thought, into ideas and plans; then transformation of those plans into reality. The beginning, as you will observe, is in your imagination"

So - Have you taken inventory of the thoughts running through your mind?

Many will be fleeting thoughts, but some will be stories playing over and over and over again, day in and day out. The more you see the news, look at death counts, conspiracy theories and envisage end of the world scenario - it is likely you will increase your anxiety and lie paralysed.

Rewrite the script and change the narrative. You are in control.

Step 1 - Keep a note of the prominent thoughts playing over and over during your day. Write them down. Track them for three days. Catch the repeating emotions and thoughts. Is there a common fear playing in the back of your head in a loop? Fear of dying alone in your house? Fear of not able to do what you wanted to do? Fear of losing your job? Fear of not being able to go to the hospital in case of an unrelated emergency?

Step 2 - What we need to do is reverse those thoughts and turn them into positive affirmations. Replace the bad with the good. Lets say if you are boggled by health concerns, you can make reminders consisting of statements such as, “I AM experiencing good health now, I AM strong, I AM full of life and energy.” Notice the emphasis on the words “I AM.”

Let me share with you an infographic made by Sumaira Zaheer, a motivational blogger, speaker, writer, and content & course creator. This triggered the thought for this article in the first place.

You can check her blog at https://sumairaz.com/mindset-shift-during-a-pandemic/

I invite you to give it a try, if you have not yet done this. Wishing you all the best in advance. Also do not beat yourself up if it does not work for you.

T-minus 21 days to go.