The countdown has started ...

I was battling with some LED Christmas-light macrame and masking tape yesterday, and my teenage son wryly noted "Getting ready for Christmas, then". It can seem a bit daunting - all that work to get the house prettified; sorting out where the tree will go; buying the tree; making any one of the tree-holders you have bought, in desperation in previous years, to fit this year's stem; then presents for immediate family; presents for distant family; presents for friends, colleagues, clients ... and then there's the food ... oh crikey don't forget the turkey ...

Instead of deciding to be hassled by it all, I simply agreed that I was, and that it would look great. The Teen smiled. In his world, normal annual service has been resumed - traditional music, fairy lights and more chocolate than is healthy. Even when you are a grown up (nearly), these traditions are familiar, soothing and a source of stability in what must be for him a pretty topsy-turvy world.

And that's the key to many people's happiness - a few elements which provide reassurance and stability. An additional element is remembering to do what I managed to do yesterday. That is; make the positive choice. I could have moaned about his not helping me, or about the cost of his Christmas list, or how much cooking there would be ... Instead, I chose to take a simple and positive stance, which could provide some much-needed reassurance. Reflecting on this, the following day as Advent starts for Christianity-based societies around the globe, I realise that this simple step can unlock so much.

When we feel overwhelmed by situations (real or "catastrophised" from something likely but small into something possible but DREADFUL), we face a range of responses, many of which we are used to taking control of us. How would it be, however, if we could take control of those responses instead? Victor Frankl, the emininent Austrian psychotherapist, wrote

Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom

I realise that it's quite a stretch, from my gnarled Christmas fairy lights to Frankl's powerful insights. However, the difference between being stressed and negative about a wonderful, generous time of year, and being positive and open to the Season's possibilities, was simply my exercising my freedom of choice.

I also realise that this may come across as definitely a "First World Problem". I admit, my remembering to model courteous and positive behaviours for The Teen isn't going to stop anyone's world from crumbling. However, each of us, nomatter our wealth, nomatter our faith, nomatter where and what we call home, has key choices to make every day. Every day, we will respond to some situation, some stimulus, which may trigger an immediate response. Sometimes that response may be inclusion; sometimes it may be ambivalence, somethings it might even be rejection.

So, as we begin Advent and the "countdown to Christmas", and as pressures may start to mount, and someone says or does something which irritates, please try this experiment.

1. Stop what you are doing, before you respond
2. Breathe deeply
3. Think about how your initial response might help the other person and you. If it doesn't, think of a positive one that would.
4. Respond using your chosen helpful response
5. Notice the difference it makes to the other person - and to you

Five easy steps which might just stop a family row, or which might prevent a job being lost in the whirlwind of pre-Christmas deadlines. Those steps might also help you to decide that, this Christmastime, you will make a conscious effort to help someone else, someone who doesn't have what you have. This could be taking in a local isolated older person, or a homeless teenager in a UK city, or it could be donating to support refugees on the other side of the globe.

Whatever you choose, make it a positive choice that helps someone in the way they want to be helped. That's what the countdown is really heading towards ... isn't it?

If some of the thoughts in this post have struck a chord with you, and you would like to discuss how you can learn to control your responses, please feel free to get in touch with me. This is an issue which many of my clients have faced; you aren't alone in the sense of overwhelm and helplessness in response. It is an issue which, once you master it, you can really use to your advantage, to help others and yourself whenever you want. Doesn't that sound better? So ... make that positive choice ...

Let's get started on moving you from this ...

to this !