There is No Yellow Brick Road to Help

Counseling should provide a plan: Prior to my divorce my husband and I went into marriage counseling. It did not help at all! I talked and my husband didn't. I then went home to a mad husband who was upset that I talked to a counselor about our problems. I continued in counseling after the divorce. And then one day it hit me like a light bulb going on. I had tried a few couselors but never felt like I was making progress and finally I knew why.

I asked two counselors if they had a plan for me. What a plan? Yes, an actionable plan. Of course they said no. No that is not our job. Our job is to listen and record. Really like a tape recorder? What good is that? Oh, I see, I can get things off my chess. Perhaps you can offer a different point of view.

But what I really needed and wanted was more than a sympathetic ear. I needed a plan. An actionable plan with detailed steps to take and someone to hold me accountable for taking those steps. I needed changes from within to be made and I thought that a counselor would help.

I am a believer in what you put out is what you get back. (trash in, trash out theory). So if all the discussions are about what went wrong in my relationship, in my career or in my life then that is telling the universe I want to focus on problems not cures.

I am a strong believer in future thinking. You need to know where you are going or you may end up lost.

What if counselors helped you map out a straight road of what you really want and detailed steps you had to take to get there. Oh, and what if they held you accountable so you didn't get off track? Everyone makes New Years resolutions. They last for a day, a week or a month or two and then they become too hard, life gets in the way and you start to make excuses why you aren't doing what you know you need to do to make changes and meet your goals.

Unfortunately, if you are seeking help from a counselor please keep in mind that they will not solve your problems for you. What a counselor actually does is to help facilitate awareness and insights. You have to make the changes yourself.

I believe many of us already know what gets in our way. For some reason we just don't do what we know we should be doing. We procrastinate, we over think, we make excusses and time continues to pass us by without any real progress.

Some of us need mentors or coaches. Others can just read a book and they are off and running. I never had a mentor growing up. I do believe it is never too late to start a new!