Could you be more specific? Advice on Giving Feedback

Why do most people dread receiving and giving feedback? Could it be the way we’re taught about feedback?

When we were going through school, there were those red circles around wrong answers on tests. Lots of information about “what” we did wrong, not so much about “why” we got it wrong.

We often got even less information about what we did right.

I remember one essay, “Great work! A few grammar problems.” No idea what I did right, so the next essay wasn’t so great … but I got the punctation right, so thank goodness for that.

In my career, I can’t tell you how many times I received the feedback, “You’re doing a great job, but I need you to work on this one thing.”

Really specific on the negative. Really vague on the positive.

I’m guessing I’m not the only one who felt like this sort of feedback was really just negative (“constructive”) feedback with a nice lead-in to soften the blow.

At best, “you’re doing great, but” feels like 50-50 feedback … for me, it feels like 99-1. My boss was so uncomfortable with giving the terrible feedback, they had to sugarcoat it.

I probably was doing “a great job.” That’s just not what it felt like.

People often ask me my opinion on the so-called “feedback sandwich” … You should give one piece of positive feedback, then constructive feedback, then more positive feedback.

I have strong opinions.

I call this technique the “Crap sandwich.” Let’s get real, no one likes eating crap even when served on a lovely brioche bun.

If you are giving someone “positive” feedback because you want to soften the blow of the “negative” feedback, you’re feedback is not sincere. Period.

Even if the positive stuff is true, you’re sharing it to soften the blow. Everyone can see through that … everyone. By the way, It’s really about making you feel better, not them.

Here’s my take on feedback:

• Give feedback all the time, not just on the big stuff: When we only give feedback on the “Test,” after the really important presentation, at end of year review time, we give it enormously outsized weight. Feedback shouldn’t only be given when we are on stage in front of the audience.
• Give more positive feedback than negative feedback: Positive reinforcement just plain works better. When we are praised for doing something right, we do more of because now we know what to do. When we do something wrong - we want to do less of it, but often don’t know what else to do.
• Be really specific: When giving negative feedback, don’t just criticize – clearly define what should be done instead. Equally, if not more importantly, be specific in your praise. Positive feedback also needs to clearly define the behaviors you want to see more.
• Make the feedback about helping them: Give honest feedback in the spirit of helping your team grow. The team will be more likely to take the feedback to heart and act on it if they know you are trying to help them rather than trying to fix them.
• Don’t make it about you: Too often, feedback is given because we are frustrated that the team is making us look bad. When feedback is about you, they know it … when the feedback is about helping them grow, they will appreciate it
• Don’t try to make it easier on you: “You’re doing great, but…” or the “sandwich” method are about making the conversation to deliver - not easier to receive. When you give continuous feedback, mostly positive reinforcement, a few “constructive” points delivered honestly and for their benefit will not destroy their ego - they can handle it and so can you.
• Ask for feedback: Be a role model. Ask them for feedback on you. Push them to reinforce the positive, to be really specific, to give feedback all the time. And show them that you want their feedback, you receive it well, thank them for it, and act on it.

Figuring this out will make your team not only more productive, but happier.

For more advice and past articles, visit the blog archive.

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