Could YOU forgive those who have hurt you?
A doctor who was stabbed nine times in a vicious, random attack has said he forgives the man who was convicted of trying to kill him.?
Dr Adam Towler is lucky still to be alive after the attack on him by the then 17-year-old Chanz Maximen.?
One of the stab wounds missed Dr Towler’s heart by just?2cm.
The doctor, a former trauma specialist, at first thought it was a Halloween prank when Maximen shone a torch through the letterbox of his Bristol home in October 2019.
When he opened his front door, he was pulled from his home and stabbed repeatedly.
Police were able to chase the teenager and arrested him at Clifton Down train station.
Maximen was jailed for life at Bristol Crown Court this week for the attack on the doctor and two others.
In a victim impact statement Dr Towler - who now develops medical software - voiced his concern for the now 19-year-old and his future, and the fact he would spend so long in prison.
He said:
“To begin, I want to say that I am not upset or angry with you.”
Judge William Hart praised Dr Towler's magnanimous response to the terrifying attack and commented:?
“Whether it is the effect of intellect, or faith, or kindness and understanding, I don't know.
“If it is the consequence of intellect, I admire it.
“If it is the consequence of faith, I envy it.”
Could YOU forgive some who has hurt you, especially the deep hurt experienced by Dr Towler that almost led to his death?
For some years, I've been researching the power of forgiveness.??
Not everyone will agree with this post, and many may vehemently disagree, but there is great power and healing in being able to forgive those who have caused you harm.?
Contrary to popular belief, the benefits of forgiveness are for the forgiver, rather than the forgiven.
Many have written on this subject in the past. After all, forgiveness is supposed to be at the heart of the Christian faith, so the concept has been with us for a long time.
There are those who have written on this subject much more eloquently and with much more wisdom than I can.??
I have collated some of that wisdom and want to share it with you today.?
In the comments section, let me know what you think.?But I'll forgive you if you don't. ??
?? WORLDWIDE FORGIVENESS ALLIANCE?
“Understand that forgiveness does not condone or approve or forget the harmful acts; forgiveness does not allow yourself to be abused.?
“We forgive the doer, not the doing. Remembering this helps us to break harmful cycles of behaviour.”
? ISABELLE HOLLAND, THE LONG SEARCH
“As long as you don't forgive, who and whatever it is will occupy rent-free space in your mind.”
? WHY FORGIVENESS? BY KENNETH CLOKE
“What is forgiveness??
“Forgiveness is a way of releasing ourselves from the pain we have experienced at the hands of others.
“It is a release from judgment, including our judgment of ourselves.”
“Forgiveness is not Condemnation. Forgiveness does not mean you agree with what the other person did to you.?
“It does not mean you can change what happened or erase what they did. What’s done is done. All you can do is release yourself.”
“Forgiveness is not for Them, it’s for You.”
? DALE CARNEGIE:?
“When we hate our enemies, we are giving them power over us: power over our sleep, our appetites, our blood pressure, our health and our happiness.?
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“Our enemies would dance with joy if only they knew how they were worrying us, lacerating us, and getting even with us!?
“Our hate is not hurting them at all, but our hate is turning our days and nights into a hellish turmoil.”
? GERALD JAMPOLSKY
“Forgiveness is an inner correction that lightens the heart. It is for our peace of mind first.
“Being at peace, we will now have peace to give to others, and this is the most permanent and valuable gift we can possibly give.”
?? ISAAC FRIEDMAN
"Forgiveness is the sweetest revenge.”
? CHARLES FILMORE
“Here is a mental treatment guaranteed to cure every ill that flesh is heir to: sit for half an hour every night and mentally forgive everyone against whom you have any ill will or antipathy.”
?? E.H. CHAPIN
“Never does the human soul appear so strong as when it forgoes revenge, and dares to forgive an injury.”
?? MAHATMA GANDHI
“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.”
? NELSON MANDELA
“Forgiveness liberates the soul, it removes fear. That's why it's such a powerful weapon.”
?? CATHERINE PONDER
“When you hold resentment toward another, you are bound to that person or condition by an emotional link that is stronger than steel.?
“Forgiveness is the only way to dissolve that link and get free.”
? THE ART OF FOGIVENESS, ELDONNA BOUTON
“People often ask me, ‘How can I possibly forgive my (rapist, abuser, ex-wife, etc.)??Are you saying I should let them off the hook after what they did to me?’
“When I hear these words, I offer the following advice: it is you that are being let off the hook.?
“Imagine the person you cannot forgive as someone who once held a fishing pole. They’ve set down the pole and gone on to other things, perhaps even hurting others.
“In the meantime, you are still floundering in the murky waters of the past, snagged on their hook.?
“As long as you are spending precious energy resenting, hating, and being angry, you will be unable to swim freely.?
“What I am asking you to do it is to gently remove the hook that keeps you tangled in the past.”
? LARRY JAMES
“There is nothing so bad that cannot be forgiven. Nothing!
“Some will argue that in the case of child abuse, the Holocaust, etc, the abuser has no ‘right’ to forgiveness - such blessings can only be earned - that forgiveness only leads to further victimization.?
“Such acts are heinous and despicable and with time (and in many cases, therapy) they can be forgiven. Every day you may have to forgive again.
“I believe that to withhold forgiveness is to choose to continue to remain the victim. Remember, you always have choice.”
? REVEREND ARLY PRYOR, THE POWER OF FORGIVENESS?
“Either you can let the weight of past hurts keep you down, or you can make a determined effort to change the situation.?
“I suggest that you consider forgiveness as a powerful tool that can help.?
“The ability, compassion and wisdom to forgive one another for past wrongs, hurts, and misunderstandings is one of the greatest attributes any of us can possess and exercise.”
--
3 年Not sure. No such extreme experience.
Senior Sales Director for Europe, Middle East, and Africa, Cengage National Geographic Learning
3 年Thanks Jon for another thought provoking post. For me, it largely depends on what the motivation or reason was for the actions that caused the hurt. Accidents, thoughtlessness, or being misled, are certainly forgiveable: people make mistakes. Actions motivated or incited through deliberate malice, such as racism and other hate crimes, are more difficult. In the latter, I think that if the perpetrator repents, it makes a lot of difference. But in the case of hurt caused by a psychotic or egotistical intentionality towards others, in which the perpetrator continues to believe they did the right thing despite all evidence and moral judgment to the contrary, forgiveness may take rather longer. Dr Towler's attitude is a grand example to follow.