Could it help you if you were nicer?

I am not naturally nice.  

It’s not so much that I’m intentionally mean, rather nice just doesn’t come naturally to me. This may horrify you; I’m simply being honest about myself. 

I am however a lot of other things. Loyal. Generous. Creative. Dependable. Energetic. Productive. Trustworthy. 

I possess what I think are many positive qualities. I’m the guy you call at 2 AM to bail you out of jail. People call me when they want career advice, or have some crossroads in their life that could use a safe conversation. I’m fairly helpful at problem-solving and having high courage, difficult conversations.

But most who know me would not add nice to the list.

I do want to be nice. Or maybe, truthfully, just nicer than I currently am.

Recently I had a colleague stop me at a company event and tell me, unsolicited and to my surprise, “that they were starting to like me more. That I had changed. I was easier to work with. Nicer even.”

Yikes.

This has been weighing on me for some time. I think that being nicer would help me in many areas of my life. I’ve always said I don’t want or need to be liked more, that I’ve never really cared about that. I recently found myself wondering if that is actually true.

Either way, I DO want to be respected, and I think being genuinely nicer could help with that.

Some time ago I saw an episode of Inside The Actors Studio. It’s an interview program hosted by James Lipton and features different actors/directors and is a somewhat odd but insightful program that journeys into the careers and minds of famous performers.

One particular episode featured the actor Jake Gyllenhall. I learned so much about him in the interview. Most memorable was something he shared about what’s contributed most to his success in the movie business. Cleary he’s disciplined and talented, but he shared how much he tries, consciously to be nice to everyone he meets. Specifically those on set, at every level. Craft services, other actors, gaffers. He values that quality in both himself and others and thinks it’s contributed substantially to his career success. His brand even. 

I suspect most people would consider themselves nice. Great for you and them. Then again, you don’t get to decide, do you? The other person you’re dealing with is the one who decides. 

Ask yourself, what words best describe you? Maybe make a list like I did that is fairly defendable. Is nice one of them? 

How has it helped you?

Could it help you if you were nicer?

Or even better, could it help others if you were nicer?

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