The Cost of Staying the Same

As much as we'd all like to keep things static, comfortable and familiar the world has a way of constantly forcing change upon us. If that universal rule hasn't been triple-underlined for you in these past months of the restrictions brought about by #Covid19, then I'm not sure what will!

Change is guaranteed to happen to you on a daily basis - and trying to fight against that truth will cost you in a number of ways.

I’m sure you are familiar with the saying, “If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you have always got.” Yet we all carry on doing the same old things getting the same result and hating it. In fact, many of us try to change things by doing the same things harder, more frequently, with others and so on, and are then bitterly disappointed when nothing changes.

We are driven to do things because they bring us pleasure or because by doing them we can avoid pain. How is it we continue to do things which bring us little or no pleasure and at times give us significant emotional or physical pain? The answer is at once both simple and complex.

Our most basic need is to survive. In this context, survival doesn’t only mean our physical survival. Of course, we need to have food to eat, to have a roof over our head and to know that we are not in physical danger. In ancient times life was far simpler as the need to defend ourselves was simply referring to wild animals and other cavemen. Physical or emotional wellbeing are both incredibly strong needs. Underpinning everything is the need to feel safe. 

Situations in our early life lead each and every one of us to make judgements about ourselves and the world around us. We create a way of dealing with the situation which makes perfect sense at the time. For example, a child is bullied at primary school and decide not to let others hurt them ever again. They build a thick shell around them and decide not to let others get close enough to hurt them ever again. The same thick wall is in operation ten, twenty, thirty, forty, fifty, sixty years later and that person may have many friends and acquaintances that are seen as safe but no one special. To be seen as vulnerable and to offer the opportunity to be rejected remains a step too far.

Another child is told they are stupid and begins to see themselves as a failure. They become determined to succeed and are driven to show the world at large and themselves that they are not a failure. They become determined never to be found wanting again. No matter how many certificates they have or how prestigious the job - it never feels enough. The small scared child who felt they were a failure is still running the show.

Today it is the threat to our emotional safety which creates patterns of behaviour that stay long after their usefulness has gone.

I have worked with many workaholics, and I am a recovering workaholic so have been able to see similar patterns in so many people. Whatever we do, our natural choice is to gravitate to where we feel most comfortable and most valued. Work offers the opportunity to have a positive sense of self-worth and as success feeds success it is not difficult to see why so many people feel better about themselves in a context where they feel they have value. 

Do things have to stay the same? Of course not! At any time you choose to face what underpins your work pattern you can change it. The very fact that you are open to the possibility of an alternative way opens up the door to a different life.

To help this process along give yourself some time in a quiet place and ask yourself the following questions, answer them as fully as you can. This is a time to be absolutely honest with yourself:

(For each question consider your sense of wellbeing and happiness, your relationships including that “special relationship” and your health both physically and emotionally)

1. If you could have your ideal life what would it be like?
2. How would it feel if you achieved it?
3. When, where, how and with whom would you like this to happen?
4. What are the positives of your life staying exactly how it is?
5. What needs to change for you to achieve your ideal life if you haven’t got it already? 
6. What are the true costs of your life staying exactly like it is at this moment? In the short term, medium-term and long term?
7. If you were to change your life, what would be the benefits?
8. What changes would make the greatest difference to your feeling fulfilled?

Life is all about the choices we make. You can choose to let life just happen and feel like a victim to whatever comes your way or you can decide to decide for yourself. If there are aspects of your life you don’t like, it is entirely up to you whether you change the situation itself or change the way you feel or respond to a situation, either way, things will never be the same again. 

How will you choose to spend your life? What is really important to you? 

If you want your life to be different it is entirely possible to change things for the better. You don’t have to wait you can take the first step today, and every journey however long begins with the first step.

The following articles offer further help and support:

https://www.dhirubhai.net/pulse/wealthy-life-gina-gardiner/

https://www.dhirubhai.net/pulse/living-life-without-regret-gina-gardiner

https://www.dhirubhai.net/pulse/genuine-chats-gina-why-worry-gina-gardiner

Or read my No 1 Best Selling Book "Thriving Not Surviving - The 5 Secret Pathways To Happiness, Success And Fulfilment" provides you with the navigational tools to help you make more empowered choices.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B074BPBLD3/ref=dbs_a_def_rwt_bibl_vppi_i1

If you'd like to accelerate your progress the Gina Gardiner Associates 'There Is Only One You" virtual experience is designed to do just that.

https://www.ginagardinerassociates.co.uk/page_47.php?pgenme=theres-only-one-you&nav_group=all

#changemanagement #success #confidence #managingchange #leadership #leadershipforlife #personaldevelopment #spiritualdevelopment #happiness #fulfilment