The Cost of Our Pursuits: Measuring Life Through Time and Opportunity

The Cost of Our Pursuits: Measuring Life Through Time and Opportunity

In Walden, Henry David Thoreau wrote, “The cost of a thing is the amount of what I will call life which is required to be exchanged for it, immediately or in the long run.” This idea of measuring value by the life we expend resonates deeply when we consider the decisions we make every day. Whether it’s a career path, a relationship, or a personal endeavor, every choice comes with a hidden price—what economists call opportunity cost. It’s not just about the money spent or the effort invested but the time and potential opportunities we forgo.

This lesson came into sharp focus for me after working with a couple for over 18 months. Despite our sessions, their communication and connection deteriorated, leaving us worse off each time we met. My supervisor sat me down and asked, “What’s more important to you: making the money or wasting your time week after week with people unwilling or unable to do the work?” It was a hard truth to hear.

For a long time, I justified continuing the sessions—they paid well, after all. But as my supervisor shared his own similar struggle early in his career, I started to reflect on the true cost of this work. I wasn’t just losing time and energy; I was also losing the opportunity to help other clients who were ready and willing to make progress. And it wasn’t just me paying the price—this couple, trapped in a cycle of codependence, had spent nearly a decade stuck in the same painful patterns. In our final session, I asked them to reflect on the question: What has this relationship, as it stands, cost you?

The Hidden Costs of Life’s Pursuits

This idea of opportunity cost isn’t just limited to therapy or relationships. Professor Jonathan Haidt, in The Anxious Generation, explores how opportunity cost impacts not only children’s mental health but also adults'. We often pursue goals, careers, or relationships without fully considering the toll they take on our lives. The time we spend chasing unproductive endeavors or remaining in stagnant relationships is time we’ll never get back.

One of my most cherished clients, a recovering addict, captured this sentiment perfectly. When I asked him what advice he would give to someone struggling with addiction, he said, “Think about the cost—your relationships, your personal integrity, your future. You’ll never get back the wasted years, the burned bridges, or the wasted life.” Out of all the currencies we value, the most significant—and the most limited—is time.

Solutions: How to Assess and Reduce Opportunity Costs

To navigate life’s decisions wisely, we need tools to evaluate and adjust our pursuits. Both Jonathan Haidt and Mel Robbins offer practical strategies to help.

1. Jonathan Haidt: Clarify Your Priorities

Haidt encourages us to align our actions with our values. This means taking an honest inventory of where your time and energy are going and asking:

• Is this pursuit aligned with my long-term goals and values?
• What am I sacrificing to maintain this relationship, habit, or job?
• Am I growing, or am I stuck?

Haidt’s work emphasizes the importance of purposeful living. When you focus on what truly matters, you’re better equipped to recognize when something no longer serves you and to let it go.

2. Mel Robbins: The Five-Second Rule

Mel Robbins offers a simple, actionable solution for getting unstuck: The Five-Second Rule. When faced with hesitation or doubt about making a change, count down from five and take action. Robbins suggests:

• Making small but meaningful changes—one step at a time.
• Interrupting negative thought patterns with a conscious decision to act.
• Asking yourself, “If I say yes to this, what am I saying no to?”

By combining Haidt’s reflective strategies with Robbins’ action-oriented approach, we can evaluate the cost of our decisions in real time and take steps to align our lives with what truly matters.

Time: The Most Precious Currency

Every decision we make—whether to continue a relationship, pursue a goal, or let go of a habit—comes at a cost. The key is learning to weigh these costs wisely. As Thoreau, Haidt, and Robbins remind us, time is the one resource we can never replenish. To live a life of purpose, we must make decisions that honor the limited time we have.

So ask yourself: What pursuits are worth the life you’re exchanging for them? And more importantly, what will you do today to reclaim your time and focus it on what truly matters?