The Cost of Flawless

You are fantastic, perfect. You never miss a beat.?

You can “bring home the bacon and fry it up in a pan, and never (ever ever) let him forget he’s a man…”??

Other women wish they were you. Your makeup. Your hair. Your clothes. Your bag. Your car. Your home.?

It’s all… FLAWLESS.

Yet underneath, there are starting to be cracks.??

On your face, for one. (you’re not 30 any more.)?

Interrupted sleep, or insomnia. Your mind racing with innovative ideas, market trends, and the weight of decisions that impact hundreds, or thousands.

Burying rage, because it’s not okay to be that angry, or else it’s gonna end in divorce or flinging a computer out of the window.?

Health issues, maybe just little ones, or maybe Hashimoto’s or another auto-immune disease, or the Big C.?

Can you control all this, too??

Where did we get the idea that we need to be perfect? It’s usually instilled when we are little kids. “Good girls don’t [fill-in-the-blank],” said our parents, our teachers.??

“Let the other kids have a chance.”

“Stop that.”

Those cutting words, designed to shape or grow us, were often a refrain growing up. Getting punished for mistakes, even when those mistakes were little accidents, like breaking a glass as you’re emptying the dishwasher - can create lifelong patterns of expectation. We want to please. We want to help. So we learn as young kids that we should strive to be perfect. Then we carry that forward for the rest of our lives, sometimes to our terrible detriment.?

Adults often expect things of children, and it may go back generations before any of us was born. Did you know, for example, that in Victorian times, once a child was two years old, they were considered to be fully formed adults? Child labor treated kids as adults as young as four or five, and that could mean harsh punishment for little infractions. These behaviors were widespread across many countries? and lasted for many decades, possibly hundreds of years.? We are evolved enough to know better now, but ancestral imprinting can take along time to work its way out of our culture.

Just like outdated business models, sometimes we need to disrupt our own internal systems.

If you’re walking around feeling like you’d love to put down the mantle of flawless, here are some suggestions:

Give yourself permission to make changes.? You’ve allowed others to push you into perfectionism; what would happen if that changed? What would the consequences be? Would your company really crumble if you took a day off to reconnect with yourself?

Ask: WHO is the voice in my head that is telling me everything must be flawless? Is that person with you every moment? (They are not). So what could you do differently, if you weren't constrained by expectations?

Ask: WHAT are the consequences of giving up perfect? The answer will lie in your fear of losing control.? Don’t worry, just keep asking: “Would it be okay if I…? If not, why not?” The answers may surprise you. Maybe that board meeting doesn't need another all-nighter of prep? Maybe your team is more capable than you give them credit for?

Start small.? Like micro-small.? What are some habits that you could adjust where no one would notice? Could you go to bed one night a week without checking your emails? Could you wear flats instead of heels to that investor meeting? Could you give yourself 2 minutes a day where you invited your brain to judge absolutely nothing about you? Then build up to 15 minutes a day?

Get help.? You are NOT in this alone.? You won’t go off the deep end if you stop being perfect, and you won’t lose all control.? In fact, you could trade the need to control for new habits that allow you to actually have positive power over your choices. Maybe it's time to explore how your wealth and success can create meaningful change beyond your business?

Are you ready to trade in that flawless mask for something more real, more impactful, and ultimately, more fulfilling? Let's talk about how you can step into your true power – imperfections and all. Comment below!