The Cost of Conformity

My story as a teenager trying to belong and why it is still relevant today

When I was a high school kid, Bata was the default shoe brand in India. And there were some other unknown brands but school shoes (both black and white) were mostly the forte of Bata.?

Bata was everywhere — in big cities, smaller towns, and even villages. Impressive distribution clout for a vast developing market in the ’80s with low purchasing power, a country reeling under a socialistic welfare state, unsure of its ways ahead. And the miserable staff, their entire approach was so dull and unimpressive (of course, we didn't know any better) - everyone thought Bata was an Indian public sector organization. Only years later in the US, I realized Bata was created by a family (in the current Czech Republic) and had been operating in multiple countries for decades. To us kids, Bata was a household name (it was even listed in India in the late ’80s) and an Indian brand.

Bata stores looked the same, the store manager was the most obnoxious uninterested ‘uncle’ that didn't care two hoots to check if your small feet fitted the shoe or not. He only meant to get rid of you from the store at the earliest. A classic retail store of the era where mostly the customer was a burden and at best a victim.

In the store, we kids had zero preferences — if I had said I would like to look at some other pair, my dad would give me the cold-blooded look you get to see in Bollywood movies and you know what awaits you when you get home. So pick up what you can and leave. Such was the retail therapy of the ‘80s and ‘90s.

But then something amazing happened in that period. I do not know if it was part of a global strategy from Bata or an experiment they tried. The local stores became upmarket, with glass counters, nice carpets, flashy new posters on the walls, large neon lights, and eye-catching images.

The manager would even smile and ask you to sit on a nice wooden chair to try out the shoe sizes. Wow! But the Indian customer was still suspect — ‘all this marketing spend simply means, the prices will have gone up now. You kids better keep those shoes for one more year,’ one could hear parents say.

Around this time, I was graduating from high school and going to college.?

And there was this incredible sexy new shoe brand they had launched — North Star. The imagery was dazzling — cool-looking white youth hanging out on beaches with their shoes in the sand. Or in the college corridors with their shoes prominently displayed. And some irreverently stretching legs over desks in classrooms with North Star written all over. All smiles and laughter — the pictures suggested that with North Star life is cool forever!

It seemed like Bata knew what every Indian young kid wanted. Or wanted every young Indian kid to aspire for.

Passing by the neighborhood Bata showroom one evening, I couldn’t hold myself and walked into the store. I was on the way back after playing cricket, with a bat in hand and my worn-out dust-covered shoe, sweaty face, and palms.

The manager was buried in a big fat blue ledger with 800 pages and an ugly red spine which was coming off. But his smile was unmissable. He asked me to leave the bat on the floor and pointed to a chair.?

‘How can I help you?’

Man! I was already blushing. Never been treated so nicely in a shoe store.

The ambiance was perfect — the smell of new leather, brand new furniture, soft carpet, and generally a new feeling.

I blurted something.

‘College?’

‘Yes’

‘MES?’

‘Yes’

‘Class 11 or 12?’

Then he walked up to the corner and brought a box. North Star!

I was swimming in my imaginary world dripping dopamine by the kilogram. I couldn't believe I was sitting 3 inches from the freaking box — that was changing the world of Indian youth.

He opened it — took off the plastic sheet and gave it to me. Suede!

It was the most elegant piece of luxury I had seen or touched. Grey suede ran down the contours of Italian design, like a manicured lawn over the edges of a tropical resort. A fluted tongue emerged from under the foot to cover the toes blending back all the way to the heel. The piece de resistance was the immersive soft inside sole -as if to bathe your foot in a bath spa.

I was bowled over.

I blurted something like -’ how much??’

‘Rs. 349 with a special discount you will get it for Rs. 299’

That was a rough landing.

Two minutes later I was briskly walking back home tapping the bottom of my cricket bat on the Malleshwaram pavement. Hell. No way Dad would agree.

When I got the courage to ask my father about it, it was quick and dirty. He said ‘What is the college fee for the year?’ I said it was about Rs 250. So he said ‘Do you want to go to college or buy the shoe?’ It was over in about 60 seconds. Nothing to discuss, no negotiations, reasoning, or justifications.?

The college started in about two months.?

My first day was totally overwhelming: a large number of students, boys, and girls in colorful attire, clothes, (remember till high school you wear uniforms and so not used to watching colorful clothing in classrooms), and hairstyles never seen before, and young kids in cycles, motorbikes, and cars.?

But I was only worried about what shoes they were wearing. And sure enough — many were wearing North Star. Unmistakable.?

‘How can I not be in it?’ I thought.

Several months passed and I was unable to arrange the money to buy North Star. I was tired of going inside the store and looking at the new variants sitting on the shelf. New boxes, new posters, new shoes.?

Slowly I stopped going to the store. No more imaginary nonsense. I will pick it up the day I have the money and not till then, I told myself.

Several months later, by sheer chance, I saw a similar-looking shoe in another store. Clearly a cheap imitation of the real thing. I tried it. He said it was Rs 150 but he was willing to sell me at Rs 125.

The only problem was this was not branded North Star. It was called East Star.

But who cares, I said to myself. And I got it. And wore it to college the following week.

I must have looked funny. Because I was hoping I now belonged. Like how teenagers try to force fit into peer groups by displaying brands to show they qualify and earned the right to belong.?

Before long, people noticed. But ‘hey, that’s not North Star. It says East Star. What the heck is that? Ha ha,’ they said. Some had quizzical looks, some were outright disappointed. ‘How can you buy something like that?’ Some even said it.?

It was a hard pill to swallow. When you are trying hard to belong and you are told in sign language that you are not cut from the same cloth.?

I even fiddled with the logo, later on, to see if I could make it appear less ‘out of sync’ and messed up further.?

A year later I left Bangalore for tech school. And new experiences. Things happen. We learn, we grow, move on, and find ourselves.?

The point of this story is truly to show how vulnerable teenagers are. The tumultuous teens are a time when you are bombarded by social demands to become something and they seek solace in peer groups. A need to belong and not become the lonely, ugly duckling.

But this applies to adults as well.

How many of us suffer from the syndrome of ‘I am not enough. I need to be more and that ‘ I will be more with that brand or this specific brand of jeans, cars, house, jewelry, job and finally I will belong’.

This is exactly the psychology that brands are exploiting — they want to create the impression of happy successful people, with smiles and laughter, comfort and luxury. To reinforce in you, the lack. And to subtly tell you that your incompletion ends here, with this product.

As a marketing guy, I am not putting down brands — they do their job. But we must never think of ourselves as incomplete and that our sense of fulfillment or completion will come from acquiring a product or service.

As long as you are competing with yourself to upgrade your skills to become a better version of yourself -is perfect. Because that is what life is all about. Not by acquiring a brand or a product.

This sense of ‘not enough’ truly runs our life. If that is you, let this be a reality check.

Our path is littered with achievements, from where we began to where we are today. When we yearned for something — acquired it, then outgrew it and yearned for something else, acquired and outgrew it again.?

So do not belittle yourself. Remember, life is fleeting and too short to waste running silly races chasing stupid brands.?

The only person you need to impress is yourself. And the only brand that matters is the one that is uniquely your own.?

About the Author: Sridhar Pai Tonse writes about life, tech, markets, and startups. He is an expert on Strategy and Lead Generation for tech startups. Follow him on https://youtube.com/@tonsepai and visit https://tonsepai.com . For more https://tonsetelecom.com . Twitter: Sridhar Pai Tonse — Marketer, storyteller, coach