The Cost of Being Quiet
A few weeks ago I picked up a copy of "The Moment of Lift", written by Melinda Gates from a Little Free Library. This story of how she helped drive the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation and how the work affected her decision making deeply engaged me. I've read plenty of other books about philanthropists who have worked to improve the lives of girls and women around the world, including "Three Cups of Tea" and "Half the Sky". The first one turned out to be problematic but the second still seems to hold well. "The Moment of Lift" takes it further thanks to Gates' deep involvement and willingness to listen, learn, and adjust her programming to support the people she met in her travels and development work. This is a woman who has a profound understanding - learned, not innate - about what it takes to advance the place of women in the world, and how that advancement brings everyone else along with it.
I'd planned to write a little about this book because it truly inspired me, but the news on May 13th that she was leaving the foundation, albeit with a good chunk on money to continue her own work, hit me hard. Given her separation and divorce from Bill Gates, this departure was inevitable and probably well-planned. Still, I think there will be lingering effects. This morning I read a CNN article that quoted Warren Buffet as say "He's smart as hell, obviously, but in terms of seeing the whole picture, she's smarter." Great praise - but while the CNN headline reads "The Gates Foundation is losing its smarter half" the html title reads "Who is Melinda French Gates" - which is a statement in itself.
Who knew aside from Buffet, Bill Gates, and the handful of people that she worked closely with over the years?
A computer engineer in her own right, she did good things at Microsoft before she opted to stay home and raise their children, which is an amazing choice to make if you can afford it and it makes sense for your family. She began working with the foundation they'd begun to fund internet access at public libraries. While she outlines her involvement from the beginning, what struck me is how long she opted to take a back seat to her husband and let him be the face of the foundation. I had no idea how deeply she was involved or how much her personality and drive had pushed the foundation into uncharted territory in Africa and Asia. I doubt many folks do, even now.
The Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation was created in 2000 as the successor to the library foundation, and Melinda drove much of its mission and accomplishments. Not until 2008 when Warren Buffet pledged $30 Billion to the foundation did she step forward and speak publicly more often in support of her work. It wasn't until even later that she started contributing to the foundation's annual newsletter, despite her work there. In the book (written pre-divorce), Gates talks about wanting an equal partnership with her husband, and her realization that she had to step up and sometimes push hard to get to that partnership. Culturally, that's difficult for women and more so for those who come from an environment where women are expected to be quiet.
A Question for You
What cost have you paid for being quiet? How many times have you stayed in the background voluntarily? Whispered or written your thoughts to a colleague to have them speak for you? Had someone take credit for your ideas because you didn't feel comfortable claiming them after they'd been appropriated? Walked out of a meeting thinking "I wish..."? Had difficulty falling asleep because you're replaying what you should have said? We've all been there, and breaking the habit is a challenge that will last for most of your career, if Gates' example is illustrative.
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The first step in breaking that habit is to recognize your behavior. Look at yourself over the last week or so and see if you can identify a pattern. Do you sit in the back of the room, or as far away from leadership as you can at a meeting? Are you a note passer? Do you always defer to someone else when asked your opinion?
For each behavior you identify, figure out one or two ways to counter your inclination. Decide that you're going to do one thing differently today and commit. You'll find that once you do it the first time, each subsequent time takes less effort. Work on each habit individually and with conscious thought. You can't expect to overcome years worth of conditioning quickly, so go easy on yourself. As with any new behavior, practice is key.
If you're interested in working with someone who would like to help you work through your goals and challenges, please reach out to me through my website or schedule a consultation.
Senior International Officer
10 个月If you are silent about your pain, they’ll kill you and say you enjoyed it. -Zora Neale Hurston