Cosmic Love

Hmmmm… this was a spur-of-the-moment write-up but very close to my heart. It was a delicious trip to and back from Nirvana.

The music was playing loudly; I could hear some giggles and whispers. I love being on a retreat with women—it’s a glorious thing.

I floated up until I reached the realm of the blue. It was electrifying. So much dancing, so much joy—an everlasting party. I found two blue deities, a couple, having a sip of champagne (I mean, I still have a human mind). They received me like an old friend, but as if I had gone on an amusement ride and was back, crying from the fright of it. They were chuckling, both kindly and amusedly, saying, “You took the game too seriously.”

I had no idea what they meant. I wasn’t offended by their laughter; in fact, I was grinning back.

Then I stepped onto the dance floor. All the dancers were electrifying blue, like neon lights vibing in the dark. Each person shifted shape with every beat of the music—one moment my father, then my mother, then a friend, then a stranger. Everyone was shifting, being different people in the flash of a second, but never the same person at the same time. And each one was rocking away to the beat of the universe.

There were back rooms—rooms of experience, like VR rooms. You could choose what adventure you wanted to enjoy. There was zero judgment. It was all for you, for me. It was the euphoria of existence made possible in every color, in every permutation, in every dimension. Just play. It’s your playground, and we are here watching over you, enjoying your adventure and playing along.

Then I found the Milky Way, floating along with my fellow travelers—some having fun, some resolving emotions. I found the one single man from our retreat, floating on a blue donut, sunglasses on, just chilling. I saw him and thought, Oh, I know you! You’re here too? But he had decided not to engage, just to relax on the Milky Way.

As I floated away, I saw one of the OG students of these retreats. We made eye contact and waved to each other. We all had different journeys, different things to discover as we floated along this cosmic river.

As I continued to drift, I started to sink into my own being. I started dancing like a snake, undulating to each beat, each note. I was dancing my dance. I was golden. My skin was burnt, dressed in gold, with stars in my eyes. I felt like the divine feminine and had the power of the ocean within me. There was no fear—no emotion, actually—just an intense sense of happiness and euphoria. I was finally home. That deep yearning I had felt for so many years was finally satiated. I was home.

I noticed that one of the other retreat members was watching me and celebrating my dance. I could feel her applause—it wasn’t a sound; it was a feeling.

After coming back, I met the girls—or rather, the women—from the retreat. The OG traveler smiled at me knowingly, and when I asked her, she said, “Yes, I saw you too.” I was beyond shocked.

Then I met another member of the retreat. She said, “Yasmin, I saw you. You were dancing so beautifully, and I celebrated you. Did you feel it?”

I did. To my very core. To my very being.

It was wonderful to be fully seen and fully celebrated.

It has been exactly a year now—an anniversary, if you will.

Valentine’s Day is but stardust compared to the love the cosmos has for us and itself. You become one—you are the warm ocean, and you are the one floating in it. You feel the waves against your skin, and you feel the waves hitting human skin. It is truly a euphoria of sensation.

I mean, I still want the roses and chocolates, but I also want to acknowledge the ultimate celebration of love—cosmic love.

Cosmic love: Divine, ethereal, never-ending, joyous, omnipresent, and ever-giving.

Thank you, my love, for this experience. It quenched a thirst in me that had sometimes brought me to my knees in pain.

I am beyond grateful. Thank you.