The correlation of happyness and Emotional Intelligence (EQ)

Wisely and compassionately deployed, emotional intelligence spurs leaders, their people, and their organizations to superior performance; naively or maliciously applied, it can paralyze leaders or allow them to manipulate followers for personal gain.

WHY EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE MATTERS

Leaders set the tone of their organization. If they lack emotional intelligence, it could have more far-reaching consequences, resulting in lower employee engagement and a higher turnover rate.

While you might excel at your job technically, if you can’t effectively communicate with your team or collaborate with others, those technical skills will get overlooked. By mastering emotional intelligence, you can continue to?advance your career and organization.

The good news is that emotional intelligence can be learned and improved at any age. In fact, data show that, on average, people’s emotional intelligence tends to increase as they age. But the specific leadership competencies that are based on emotional intelligence don’t necessarily come through life experience. For example, one of the most common complaints I hear about leaders, particularly newly promoted ones, is that they lack empathy. The problem is that they were promoted because they were outstanding individual performers, and being a solo achiever doesn’t teach you the skills necessary to understand other people’s concerns.

Self-awareness and other emotional intelligence skills come naturally to some, less so to others—but these skills can be learned.?

If you want to learn about your own emotional intelligence please try this simulation .

Emotional intelligence exists on a continuum. Here are some common examples that explore what a higher versus a lower EQ may look like.

Self-regulation

• Scenario:?You’re in a meeting and a boss criticizes you in front of other co-workers.
• Higher EQ:?You maintain composure, then politely excuse yourself to process your emotions in a safe environment.
• Lower EQ:?You may become defensive and storm out of the office.

Empathy

• Scenario:?Your roommate tells you that it hurts their feelings when you forget to take out the trash, which you agreed to.
• Higher EQ:?You explain why you dropped the ball and tell them you understand why they’re hurt, then come up with an action plan together about how to get both of your needs met.
• Lower EQ:?You find it difficult to understand why they’re so upset and feel attacked by their criticism.

Self-awareness

• Scenario:?You and your colleague were up for the same promotion, but they got it instead of you.
• Higher EQ:?You reflect and realize that, if you’re being honest with yourself, you weren’t working as hard as your co-worker and their promotion is well-deserved.
• Lower EQ:?You may fire off an angry email to your boss, demanding an explanation or threatening to quit.

Motivation

• Scenario:?You passed an exam and posted about it on social media.
• Higher EQ:?You’re proud of yourself for the goal that you achieved and appreciative of any support you receive.
• Lower EQ:?You may question your success or worth because your post didn’t get very many “likes.”

Social skills

• Scenario:?You’re on a date and it doesn’t seem to be going very well.
• Higher EQ:?You ask open-ended questions, maintain good eye contact, and practice active listening.
• Lower EQ:?You may stop paying attention and decide there must be something wrong with your date.

How to improve emotional intelligence

Some people are born with EQ, while others can think of it as a skill set that needs to be acquired. With practice, it’s possible to develop or strengthen it.

Here are a few ways to do just that:

• Self-awareness.?Consider setting a regular time or day to?journal. This can allow you to reflect on how you behaved in interactions and make a note of things that bothered you. You can go back and read over them from time to time and “study” yourself. You can also meditate and observe your thoughts.
• Self-regulation.?It may help to practice?deep breathing exercises?regularly, especially during conflict. You can learn to reframe challenges as opportunities in disguise and “failures” as learning experiences. Try to practice radical acceptance of any emotions that come up and verbalize what you’re feeling.
• Motivation.?Consider taking time out and celebrating each one of your wins. When you decide you want to do something new, it’s a good idea to identify your “why.” It can also help to break down your to-do list into bite-size chunks, or micro-tasks, and to work with an accountability partner or coach.
• Empathy.?To build empathy, try paying attention to your surroundings. See if you can pick up on the “energy” of your environment. You could also try talking to new people or volunteering for a cause you care about. If you’re stuck in traffic, consider looking around at people sitting in their cars and seeing what you can pick up about them.
• Social skills.?Aim to put yourself in new situations. When you do, try to pay attention to your body language and maintain eye contact. Practicing active listening can be beneficial, too. Consider this quote from Gandhi: “Speak only if it improves upon silence.”

If you’re ready to take the next step, ask if your workplace has emotional intelligence training available.

You can also enroll in training online.

The bottom line is: You’re the one who gets to control your emotions, so they don’t control you. Once you learn this useful skill, your quality of life may improve. The better it gets, the better it gets.

Source: PsychCentral, Harvard Business School