Corporate (and political) jargon of the week

There’s been so much corporate (and political) jargon this week it’s hard to know where to start. In no particular order.

1.??Return hubs

Ever heard of these? What do you think they are?

A new phrase for offices to get people to stop working from home? No.

A place where you return bottles, plastic, paint tins? No

A Return Hub is the new term for offshore processing centres – those dumping grounds for ‘illegal immigrants’ that Australia has pioneered. Clearly the European Union didn’t like the sound of the descriptor ‘offshore processing centre’ or migrant centres, so came up with the term ‘Return Hub’.

2.? Wedgislation

This is the strategy of putting questions to the Opposition in areas which it was divided in order to put a wedge between different members of said Opposition. It was first deployed by that paragon of I’m just taking over several ministries in secrecy as it’s good for the country, Scott Morrison, just before COVID struck. Now the Labor Government is trying it, as it tries anything to move the trajectory of the opinion polls ahead of the next election.

I can’t get the vision of a ‘wedgie’ out of my mind whenever the term is used…not pretty when you think about it in connection to Australian politicians.

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3.? Lapse of judgement

Chris Ellison, Mineral Resources CEO. Apparently ran an offshore tax scheme for 10 years which he settled with the ATO when he got wind that it was going to be made public. The Min Res board spokesman explained it as a ‘poor decision and a serious lapse of judgement’.

A ‘lapse’ is a brief or temporary failure of concentration, memory or judgement’ not a 10-year, repeated series of intercompany transactions designed to avoid tax on various levels including buying and selling machinery to MinRes for inflated prices and banking the profits to an offshore company which funnelled money to three MinRes execs, among others.

Still, it’s perhaps a bit better than Alan Bond and various other entrepreneurs who have fronted up in court only to say that ‘they can’t remember’.

4.?Proactively make inquiries in a range of matters

In a statement from a spokeswoman for the WiseTech board after revelations about Richard White’s numerous relationships with former staff members and various LinkedIn lovers, she’ said:

‘The board continues to proactively make inquiries in a range of matters, monitor the situation and carefully consider all relevant factors.’

Perhaps is should have said, ‘We dropped the ball in terms of ensuring our own Code of Conduct was followed and acted on, in relation to our founder/CEO, and we’re now scrambling to contain the fallout, and can’t work out why he chased one of his ex-lovers for a paltry $90,000. It’s a serious stuff up. I mean have you seen the headlines?’

I can’t see much proactive anything from the WiseTech board over many years other than quiet acquiescence for their friend and source of board renumeration.

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5.?Plus one…or was that two?

Plus one usually refers to a friend/guest that someone brings along to an event when they are not bringing their husband/wife (or prefer not to describe) the said person. It doesn't have a legal definition as far as I am aware and certainly does not include the permanent gift of membership to an exclusive group that then delivers tens of thousands of dollars of 'benefits'.

Over the last week Anthony Albanese explained how his son gained access to the Qantas Chairman’s Lounge…that is son was ‘his plus one’ and that ‘All mine [upgrades] have been declared, and therefore it was all OK that he’d received tens of thousands of dollars of upgrades (as did his plus one son)…and of course this had no bearing on any decision he ever made while Transport Minister or PM.

6.??????? Nepo? Baby

Well I had to look this one up as I read it in an article that started like this. ‘We live in a nepo baby world’. The article was about a new book (funny that) from Xavier Niel Founder of telecoms company Illiad– How to become a Billionaire where he talks about the increasing divide between those with wealth and without and how the divide is growing, at the cost of entrepreneurialism…startups.

Nepo refers to people whose parents have succeeded in similar or related careers. The implication is that, because their parents already had connections to one or more specific areas/industries, the child was able to use those connections to build a career in those industries.

I am now going to 'proactively make inquiries in a range of matters, monitor the situation' in case I have a lapse of judgement with my 'plus one'.

• Share your latest corporate jargon or political speak so we can all carefully consider all relevant factors.
• Contact me if you want to write and self publish a business book, review the first draft of your book or need guidance and help with marketing your book.

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