Core Values: Our Compass for Navigating Life
Introduction
Twenty-five years ago, I was invited to join a small design team funded to design a unique leadership development program. Our task: develop a program to help leaders of urban, inner city youth programs to increase their impact AND reduce their risk of breakdown. The latter was a common problem among these leaders. Their commitment to serving young people in challenging neighborhoods took an enormous toll on their health and their families. It was estimated that their average length of service was somewhere between three and five years, and often ended in burnout, flame out, or personal failure. They were clearly leaders at risk.
Most of us on the design team had experience working with such leaders, supervising or training them. What we knew from our experience, and a great deal of research, that their failure was not simply the result of knowledge and skill deficits. Rather, it was equally due to the 'upside down' lives they felt were necessary to stretch too few resources to fulfill too many commitments. Often working alone, their lives were typically out of balance, filled with too much - but never enough - action, with little opportunity for reflection or to receive honest feedback. Worse, they couldn't 'see' what was causing their failure. Perhaps that rings a bell with you... it does with me.
Our response... we identified five 'core values' to embed in every component of the program. We understood that, had we focused primarily on the knowledge and skill dimension, the impact would be minimal unless the people we developed changed how they approached all of life. That program is now in its twenty-fifth year, and the regular evaluations have proven the wisdom of pursuing this two-pronged approach. Not only has graduate impact improved dramatically, but so has their longevity as leaders, and the quality of their family lives. Isn't that what we all want?
In this article I'll describe the five core values and how to apply them to our own 'sometimes upside down' lives.
Why We Need a Values Compass
First off, let's acknowledge that we're not starting from scratch with values. We all have some already and apply them to varying degrees in our lives. They help ground us as the people we want to be... how we hope to show up in the world. As this billboard suggests, they present a different side of us than just our 'doings'...
What's unique about the five 'instrumental' values we selected is that they addressed the most common sources of failure experienced by our target audience...
And so, despite being able to articulate numerous personal values they aspired to live out, and consistently overcommitting themselves to well-intentioned actions, they still failed to achieve their desired results. Like a boat without a compass by which to navigate, they were drifting toward danger but didn't know it.
Think of it this way... drifting requires no effort... it's an unconscious process. That explains why we don’t often see trouble coming. We can become comfortable letting the normal flow life carry us along. Our lack of focus makes it harder for us to see the landmarks that could serve as warning signs. Our drifting can even become dangerous to others. We lose touch with them, ignoring their warnings, sometimes putting them in harm’s way. Unchecked, our drifting can end in shipwreck.
Put yourself into this story – look back to a time in your life when you were drifting toward disaster. Did you realize the danger soon enough to prevent a shipwreck??
Realigning Our Values Compass
Talk to any serious open water sailor, and they will tell you that one thing you must do from time to time is realign your boat's compass.?We designed a full five-day conference around the five values, beginning with presentations by two leaders (male and female) whose stories exemplified early success, subsequent failure, and long-term 'recovery.' For both, the key to finding renewed success and greater impact was realigning their values compasses. Let's explore what's involved in doing that.
Accountability...?This core value is fundamentally important to achieving lasting change, particularly as a precondition for applying the other key values. For example, you can say you will develop a healthier balance in your life, but without someone helping and challenging you, chances are you will revert to old habits. It's just too easy to justify our behavior and excuse our shortcomings. We make statements like, "I just need to make one last push", "Soon I'll get around to it", or "Next time I'll be there for sure."
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That's why accountability needs to be seen as a 'team sport.' To be effective, accountability requires an intentional process of inviting someone to ‘seek and tell the truth' together. This doesn't just happen – it requires trust. It can also be difficult to find people with whom we can develop the depth of relationship necessary for genuine accountability. Such relationships are most likely to involve others who also value accountability and have experienced its benefits. But we must also demonstrate our commitment to acting on their input, or they will rightly question the investment of time and energy required.
Who in your life can become a true accountability partner?
Balance... This is perhaps the most consistently ignored of the core values. At times we're likely to say, “At this point in my life, I'm not sure I believe balance is possible.” Over the long term, however, living a balanced life is essential to our development as a whole person. And that means identifying our priorities across the whole of life, examining our use of time, and developing personal growth plans that ensure that we're investing ourselves in the full spectrum of a healthy, fulfilling and sustainable life.?
At times we all need to 'reconnect' with ignored parts of life – especially the relationships from which you draw support and encouragement. Failing to do so can result in a condition we labelled 'boiling dry.' We've all had the experience of forgetting a kettle or pot on a burner. Not only does all the water evaporate, but we might even melt the pot. For decades now research on stress and burnout clearly shows that the problem is becoming more common.
What in your life helps you avoid 'boiling dry?'
Interdependence... Sometimes we fall into what I call the 'action hero' trap... seeing ourselves as the 'last, best hope for success.' Sorry to say, but that's almost never the case in real life. Still, it's tempting to see ourselves in this light, and then justify running ourselves into the ground, often ignoring the supports that are there for us. When we succeed, we 'rightly' claim all the credit. When we fail despite our Herculean efforts, we can at least wallow in self-pity for how others let us down.
Here's the reality... most of the time, and especially when facing big challenges and the stakes are high, we're most likely to succeed through collaboration. We invite others to share the load - and the 'glory' - of what WE have accomplished together. For this to work, however, we must be aware of the rich resources present in our organizations and our lives. That means identifying the resources others have to offer, building healthy partnerships, and inviting them to contribute to something bigger than we alone could ever achieve.
Who in your life would respond to your invitation to collaborate?
Empowerment... This value builds on the opportunities created by committing to collaborating with others. But it's not enough to embrace interdependence, without also investing in bringing out the best in others. When we fail to identify others’ strengths, focus their contributions, and develop their talents, we are likely to underutilize them. Worse, we can frustrate them, undermine their confidence, and even drive them away.
Every person willing to support our efforts brings unique talents, preferred working styles, and motivational needs. A foundational principle of ‘servant leadership’, as originally proposed by Dr. Robert Greenleaf, is investing in the development of others. Empowerment is more than simply delegating responsibility to others. We must also take steps to build their capacity to bring their best to our partnership and deploy their strengths to maximum advantage.?
Who in your life could benefit both you and them from supporting their development?
Leverage... This may be the most difficult core value to translate into practical action. We defined it as capitalizing on the positive potential of change through seemingly small actions that can have significant impact. And those actions might require us to 'reconceive' our approach to situations where our traditional responses have failed. Moreover, we can only validate the impact of our changed responses over time. Our strategic choices may not produce immediate results. We'd be more comfortable recycling our standard lists of things to do in situation 'x.' We fall victim of Einstein's oft-quoted warning that "We can't repeat our failed past responses and expect different results.' And yet, there's comfort in doing what we know rather than experimenting with new responses that might produce better results.
Exercising leverage is about making different - hopefully wiser - strategic choices based on a deep understanding of the ‘big picture’ of what is going on at the time, including what has led to the current situation and how different responses might produce better results. This is a much more difficult challenge than simply to react to what is happening ‘in the moment.’ Keep in mind that wisdom manifests itself in decisions that are consistent with long-term plans, not just the challenges of the moment.
Where in your life might it be worth experimenting with different strategies? ?
What's Next?
I hope this week's article has invited you to reflect on how you've applied - or might apply - these five core values in your own life. This week's blog tool will help guide your exploration. Sign up for my email list and you'll receive a link in your Inbox through which you can access all of the tools I've provided to date. You'll also receive a copy of my popular 'Digging Out' resource, with practical suggestions for escaping the trap of overcommitment. Next week's article will address another essential aspect of whole life success... the four core resources for sustainable growth.