The Core Three Secrets Of Resilient People

Have you, or a loved one, or someone you know experienced a natural disaster, a heartbreak, lost a loved one, lost a job, gone through an acrimonious divorce, infertility, mental illness, nervous breakdown, infidelity, miscarriage, dementia, or some form of physical impairment?

Is your answer to at least one out of the listed problems, yes?

Adversity doesn't discriminate.

Living life is not always problem-free. You've got to deal with some tough times in life.

You can go through the pain, anguish, and longing with hope.

But then, you don't have to go through all that feeling like a victim.

The victim mindset hasn't really helped anyone. It is just what it is. You expect to be helped. You expect people to put their lives in line for you because you are a victim.

The good news is that you can do a lot more for yourself than anyone can do.

You need to be an active participant in your grief process.

You can rise from adversity.

Some strategies work that it is utterly possible to make yourself think and act in certain ways that help you to navigate tough times.

There are many strategies for resilience, but I will share with you the core three secrets of resilient people.

• Resilient People Understand That Adversity is Part of Life:

Instead of asking, "why me"? They ask, "why not me"? Suffering is a part of human life that is inevitable. In the times of Instagram, shiny pictures, and fake stories, we feel entitled to a perfect life. But that is an illusion. Everyone out there has a challenge he is dealing with. Resilient people do not welcome suffering within; they are not delusional; just that when the tough times come, they seem to know that suffering is part of every human existence. Everyone goes through shits too. And knowing this helps them not to feel discriminated against when the tough times come. Terrible things happen to you, just like they do everyone else. That's your life right now, time to sink or swim.

• Resilient people, in their times of adversity, carefully choose where they focus their attention:

They have a habit of strictly appraising situations and typically manage to focus on the things that they can change and somehow accept the things that they can't. This skill is very vital for resilience. Humans are hard-wired to focus on the negative things in life chiefly. We are pretty good at noticing threats and weaknesses. Resilient people do not diminish the negative, but they have also worked out a way of tuning into the good positive side of life. Do not lose what you have to what you have lost. Always try to find things you are grateful for. Always try to focus on the brighter side. Being able to switch the focus of your attention also to include the good has been shown by science to be a really powerful strategy. When you are able to find at least three things to be grateful for each day, you will achieve the following results: a higher level of gratitude, a higher level of happiness, and less depression. When you are going through grief, you will need a reminder to feel grateful. Find a language that works for you. Whatever you do, make an intentional, deliberate, ongoing effort to tune into what's good in your world.

• Resilient people ask themselves: is what I'm doing helping or harming me?:

You lost the job due to a colleague's mistake who wasn't fired with you. Should you go over there and meet him? Should you meet the boss? But wait, will this help or hurt you? Is going through the photos of a dearly beloved one whom you have lost going to help or harm you? Be kind to yourself. This question can be applied to so many different contexts. Asking yourself whether you really need that extra glass of wine can really go a long way. The way you are thinking, the way you are acting is it helping or harming you? Put yourself back in the driver's seat; it gives you some control over your decision making.

These strategies are available to us any day anywhere. They don't require rocket science.

Resilience is not some fixed trait. It is not elusive that some people have it and some people don't. It actually requires many processes, just the willingness to them go.

Thinking this way is not easy at all, but thinking this way really does help.

 This article was inspired by Lucy Hone's talk on resilient people.

Ever gone through a tough time that required resilence? Kindly share your experience in the comment section.