Core Principles of Effective 1-on-1 Communication

How often have we engaged in a communication activity with another person only to walk away feeling unsatisfied, not listened to, and without meeting the intended objective of the exchange of words and emotions.?Good communication is such an essential ingredient to a healthy life as it impacts our emotional and mental wellbeing. It is the underlying wiring of productive social interactions whether at work, in public, at home, or among colleagues and friends.?And just to clarify, the communication I am referring to here to is verbal, one on one, and face to face communication.?Furthermore, I am not referring to everyday communication which we all engage in to get through our day, but rather, the deeper forms of communication about topics that matter to us more deeply. ?

?There are 6 core principles that are the foundation for effective communication:

1.??????Intention: This essentially is your willingness to openly and transparently engage in the communication in the first place. So often have I noticed that one or both parties are not really in the mood to have the communication in the first place. It is important for both parties to be in the right frame of mind. Unless you absolutely have to, if you do not care about the person in front of you, then you are probably better off not engaging in it altogether. ??

2.??????The Setting: Select a location that is conducive for communication. Depending on the nature of the communication, try to choose a quiet setting with minimal noise and distractions. You want to be able to give your 100% attention to this engagement, so sitting in a noisy café, or where others may listen in, will certainly diminish from the effectiveness of the conversation.

3.??????Time: Make sure to plan and leave sufficient time for the communication in question. If it is a deeper topic to be discussed, you will probably want to make yourself available for a longer time. Avoid trying to squeeze in a quick chat between meetings, or just before you need to rush out for an appointment. If you are rushed, you will miss out on having the quality conversation that may be needed.

4.??????Body Language: Here I am referring to all the non-verbal cues of how you come across to the other person. This is so critical, as most of us can very easily sense whether the person in front of us is genuinely interested in the discussion. Avoid looking at your watch to check the time or looking at your surroundings while someone is talking.?Nothing is a bigger turnoff, or more disrespectful for that matter, than someone checking their phone while you are spilling your heart out to them. ?Look them straight in the eyes and make them feel that you are 100% there for them.

5.??????Listening: Mastering the art of listening is probably the key ingredient to effective communication. Our biological ability to process information much faster than what comes from a speaker’s mouth creates a real challenge to effective listening. We process words at a rate of four times the rate of someone speaking them, so this will take practice. Try to listen not only to the words, but also to how they are being said, and resist the temptation to formulate your response that you will say next, as you may lose out on critical cues being communicated. ?Remember, listening does not equate to waiting for your turn to speak.

6.??????No Judgment: Try as hard as you can to suspend all judgment and as many preconceived notions you may have about the person or topic at hand. Listen deeply and objectively, letting the person know that you are fully OK with who they are and what they are going through.?Tune in with both your mind and your heart.

Keep these principles in mind the next time you engage in a communication activity with a subordinate, a colleague, a significant other, or even with a stranger on the street. Take note of how you stack up on these 6 principles, and then focus on sharpening the one or two that you are struggling with the most. Stick with it, and over time observe what happens to the effectiveness of your communication and the quality of your human interactions. ?

?Good luck.