Core Intercultural Skills
[excerpted from, Intercultural Competence ?2023]
Our Big Question: What are the essential intercultural skills, and how can I develop them?
So, we’ve looked at the meaning of culture, and of intercultural competence; we’ve further explored some key models that explain the process of gaining such competence, and frameworks by which we can better understand across cultural borders. What concrete steps can we now take?
Our first two areas to address, as they represent major barriers to our intercultural skills, include the transformation of ethnocentrism into ethnorelativism, and overcoming stereotypes.
It may seem that we can simply say, I understand that my culture isn’t superior to others and that all cultures have their own value; I’m eager to learn about others, and I maintain a high degree of cross-cultural respect. That’s a great starting point. And if you’ve also traveled widely, or live in a highly diverse city and have friends and colleagues of various cultural backgrounds, or belong to a diverse family, you may be a few stages down this path. It’s still worth noting, however, that ethnocentrism is largely unconscious – and is based on the indoctrination of culture across our first 18-20 years of life, further reinforced throughout adulthood.
Wishing it away is not enough.
In a mixed group where everyone is attempting to understand across cultural borders and no one is in a majority, ethnocentrism may be less in play; such a situation forces everyone to think broadly and actively, rather than on auto-pilot. If you’ve traveled to another country, however, or otherwise been in a situation whereby everyone else belongs to the same ethnic or cultural group apart from you, you may have found yourself internally reactive. Why do they all talk at once? Why do they never say what they think? Why do they all defer to the manager? Why are they so emotional?
Why am I so uncomfortable?
Ethnocentrism. You’re culturally confused because, deep within the core of your enculturated mind, your native culture is the norm against which everything else is gauged.
Another example: any social media discussion group. Such groups tend to have a majority of Americans, one of the more insular nations with few other cultures nearby (oceans instead, and only 2 countries on the borders); comments will very often reference the poster’s home state rather than country, or other US-specific details, as the commenter is seemingly unaware that there are others (in a group of, say, 50k members) who aren’t in the same country and don’t know or care about said in-group references. Ethnocentrism.
So how do we develop toward ethnorelativism, and in particular, that ultimate category of integration?
We begin with self-awareness. Unless you’re a psychologist like me, or have been in therapy, are a journal-writer, meditator, or self-help devotee, chances are you don’t know yourself all that well. And if you’re from a culture with a high degree of collectivism, you may never have focused on yourself. In my early experience in Korea, nearly 2 decades ago (the society, like many another, is changing rapidly), I asked a 30-year old Korean woman what she thought about something, and after pausing, she said, “When I’m asked what I think, and it’s usually by westerners, I don’t know what to say – because I was never taught to think about myself.”
Getting to know yourself, and then developing a greater awareness of your own culture (for those in especially collectivist societies, the latter is perhaps the starting point), will go a long way toward helping you to identify those moments when you’re reacting based on your own individual and/or cultural reference points.
We begin to become more aware of our own ethnocentrism when it appears. We must pay attention to our reactions and responses to the cultural norms of others. If we feel superiority: red flag. If we feel their way is somehow wrong: ditto. It’s common, when people go abroad and ‘hit the wall’ about 3 months in (after the honeymoon period in which everything is novelty and adventure and excitement), when culture shock becomes a daily stressor and everything is irritating, to find oneself regularly thinking, “How stupid” or “Why do they do it like that?” or “I just wish that for once they’d—” all of which are serious red flags. (These are classic ethnocentric responses, judging others on the basis of one’s own cultural norms – and in this example, also a sign of stress that needs managing.) The more aware we become, every time that it surfaces, the more we move away from an ethnocentric stance.
Further, never assume that you know or understand. Instead, always ask questions and reflect, and then reconsider even that. For example, if I’ve had a conversation with someone from a culture different than my own, and even though we’re speaking the same language, I need to ask for clarification at any time that I’m not 100% sure of their meaning. Then, after we’ve parted ways, I need to take a bit more time to reflect on our conversation, in case I might have misunderstood anything else. I must ask myself, am I certain of the meaning? Could there have been any other interpretation? And if I’m not entirely sure, perhaps I need to text or call the other person to ask another question or two. As well, use conversational tactics like, “What I think you mean is this” or “I’m not entirely sure that I understand” and generally get more information (without becoming tedious!) rather than making any determination on insufficient data. Not only are you clarifying, but you’re reinforcing to your own subconscious that questioning what one thinks one knows (i.e., cultural bias) is a standard practice – of critical thinking.
This is generally good communication strategy within one’s own culture, too.
Two more methods for moving beyond ethnocentrism: encountering people from other cultures, and maintaining a high degree of respect for others at all times – especially in regard to differences. (Also sound practice within one’s own culture.) In the first, the more culturally diverse people we meet, converse and otherwise interact with, learn from, and find commonalities with, the more we convince our unconscious that there’s a very broad spectrum of culture – and erase just a bit of that earlier programming. Practice, practice, practice! And in the second, again: we’re using high-level respect to change our unconscious mind that believes ‘different’ is equal to ‘against the norm’ and therefore ‘wrong’.
Like any skill, we don’t acquire this overnight. And the reason I’m emphasizing the unconscious mind, which well-meaning people such as one’s parents have conditioned so that you’ll fit into your own culture as an adult, is because simply thinking away one’s bias through a shift in perspective isn’t enough; the conditioning isn’t in the conscious mind. Remember, only the first 2 of 6 stages in this model were cognitive; we then move through 2 emotional stages and finally, 2 that are behavioral – before we can hope to reach a state of integrated ethnorelativism.
It’s worth the effort.
Similarly, we must work to overcome our stereotypes. You may think you don’t have any. I assure you, they lurk in your unconscious mind just the same. Some, we’re taught in childhood; others we’ve acquired by various means. As an example, no matter how often I have positive interactions with German people and no matter how many good friends I may have who are in fact German, I have a gut reaction to the language itself – precisely, I know, because I grew up watching films about Nazis and the Holocaust. Early programming. I’m working on that. In addition to visits to the country, German friends, music in German, and other efforts…I’m also studying the language itself.
How do we change our stereotypes? Two ways: a change in perspective, and specific action steps. The perspective change is twofold: recognition that we all have implicit biases (rather than maintaining that you don’t have any), and that these biases will negatively impact our cross-cultural interactions and outcomes. And, we must accept the responsibility of identifying and understanding our own implicit biases.
Action steps begin with stereotype replacement. If I think that all men are aggressive, for example, I need to replace that with alternatives: perhaps not all men, perhaps not even most men, perhaps it isn’t even inherently male but socially conditioned, perhaps ‘aggressive’ is a broad spectrum with many nuances. (Violence and ‘mansplaining’, for example, are both domineering behaviors but at opposite ends of an aggression scale.) Another step I can take is in countering my stereotypic image: in this case, I could think of all the men I know who don’t fit that stereotype.
We can also individuate, which is the ultimate stereotype-eraser; stereotypes, after all, are in the generalization, thinking that ‘all’ of a certain group fit a particular descriptor. Even if there’s a grain of truth (surely, some men are aggressive), in no such typing can there be a 100% or even a high percentage of accuracy. This goes for ‘positive’ stereotyping as well; if I think all Asians (a very large and diverse group indeed, with nearly 50 countries spread over the world’s largest continent) are good at science and math…I’m still generalizing. It’s weak thinking at the very least. In individuating, we condition ourselves to view each person individually, focusing on personal attributes rather than group identification. This can be challenging, as we’re attempting to learn more about the world’s cultures and their features just as we’re also trying to become aware of and remove our own stereotypes – by focusing on the individual instead.
Perspective-taking can also help, which is attempting to view something – a particular event or situation, life, the world – through the eyes of another. This of course increases our empathy, and also helps to reduce stereotype. Actual contact is perhaps the most helpful. At first, we may think the person we know simply isn’t like others of his/her culture or ethnic group, that they’re somehow an exception; we’re still holding onto our stereotype, if so. But the more people we know from any given group, the weaker that stereotype will become.
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Emotional regulation is yet another method. Question yourself, your emotional reactions to other people, and use positive emotion as a tool to reduce any stereotypic response. If members of a certain group frighten you, try reframing that emotion; watch comedians or musicians who are from that same group, for example. And finally, learn and practice mindfulness, as a way of living. In its focus on the present moment, and as you refine this skill, it will help you to recognize stereotypes that arise well before you act on them.
Beyond transforming our ethnocentrism into integrated ethnorelativism, and learning to recognize and release our stereotypes, both of which are the removal of barriers, there are several proactive core skills of intercultural competence. Next: comfort with diversity.
While our focus is intercultural, we must remember the complexity of culture and understand that this means encountering diversity on a massive scale. Humans, however, are far more comfortable with sameness; at a deep level, difference feels disturbing. We tend to have friends who think like us, create social media ‘silos’ in which we only see news or posts from sources with which we agree, and generally soothe ourselves with similarity. So how can we increase our comfort with diversity?
By our open-mindedness and curiosity, for a start. As we foster our curiosity, our desire to know, learn, and experience new things, we reduce our resistance to difference. We must also become less concerned with making mistakes and looking foolish, for as we engage with those who aren’t like us, we’ll often be wrong in our perceptions or make cultural errors. By learning to accept this and just shrug it off, and even laugh at ourselves, we can more easily embrace diverse experiences.
One of the ways to do so is to practice catastrophizing – something you don’t actually want to do as a habit, only to use as a tool for a specific result. That is, to imagine the worst possible outcome. Think what will happen if you make a cultural gaffe, even a big one. You may be mortified, people from that culture might be initially insulted, but in the end…it simply won’t matter.
Bill Gates visited Korea during the time of Park Geun-hye’s presidency, and when he met her, he kept his hand in his pocket – something Koreans, a fairly formal culture, don’t do and view as exceptionally casual – and a sign of profound disrespect to their president, and by extension, the nation. It caused a great stir, for perhaps a week at most – then was quickly forgotten. When Barack Obama visited Japan during his presidency, he bowed deeply to his counterpart as well as shaking his hand – the proper hybrid greeting in modern-day Japan. Back in the US, Americans (particularly those in the opposition party) expressed horror that their president would bow to another, in American culture a sign of considerably lower status – whereas in Japan it was simply a respectful greeting. In a week: forgotten.
At the same time as we work to embrace difference, we want to seek commonality. A caution: to simply take the view that we’re all humans and therefore alike is to discount the very real and significant impact of culture (much like saying, I don’t see color, meaning race or ethnicity). Rather, we can look for ways that we’re similar in addition to those in which we’re different, and build on the former.
Proactively educating oneself on any area of difference or ignorance is always helpful. The more we know, the less emotional impact diversity will have. We can also seek out direct encounter, conversations across borders of culture, politics, and other, to practice and develop our comfort with diversity – in neutral space and with an exceedingly respectful attitude, of course, and asking questions as a way of seeking knowledge. Finally, we must also be aware of any power differential or privilege. When speaking to others, if you’re from a wealthy nation and the other from an impoverished one, for example, this sensitivity must be built into the conversation.
Another core skill can be found in enhancing one’s cultural knowledge, and in proficiency with any of the previously discussed frameworks. As you begin working with them, you’ll find your awareness of other cultures will quickly grow. You could begin with the world’s top 10 cultures, for example, perhaps based on population (China and India, for a start), and see how they’re categorized across several of those various frameworks. Then, learn about major events in that country’s history, current issues of concern (all quite easy to access in today’s digital landscape), and endeavor to meet people from that culture.
Building our cultural knowledge one-by-one isn’t all that effective, but if we begin with some of the largest countries, we’ll have a good start. Beyond that, look at characteristics common to cultural clusters – Latin America, for example – which will also begin to build a foundation of knowledge, and with the understanding that there are also many distinctions among the various cultures in the region. We begin, of course, with what they have in common.
Direct experience is always useful, but be aware that one individual does not a culture make; I myself am not particularly American, especially after so many years abroad, and originally from highly diverse New York – so perhaps I wouldn’t be your best bet to learn more about US culture. The more people we meet, however, the more we learn. Go spend time in a Chinatown, or any other ethnically-grouped neighborhood. Immerse yourself in whatever cultures are available. Let them know that you’re there to learn, that you want to know more about their culture, which is universally appreciated. Ask questions, observe, reflect, and never assume that your own interpretation is the whole story, or perhaps even accurate. Check and recheck instead. Attend multicultural events, conferences, webinars; seek out a club or volunteer organization for intercultural exchange. Online versions of this are especially good, with participants from around the world.
One particular area of skill is that of cross-cultural communication. (We’ll have a whole chapter on this soon.) Generally, practice mindful communication: listen more, talk only with awareness and care; use active listening techniques, in which you pay careful attention, don’t interrupt, don’t simply focus on your next point, and don’t dominate the conversation. Avoid dismissiveness; focus on ‘I’ messages, not in talking about yourself (that’s not your aim) but in keeping the focus neutral: “I understand what you’re saying as this” or “I’m not sure that I understand”. Be also aware that many cultures are indirect, and use a good deal of softeners in their conversation; a direct style such as you may be accustomed to will simply feel rude to the other. Soften your approach. Listen and learn from lived experience. As well, keep body language and facial expression to a minimum, and don’t assume that you understand that of the other; this is an area especially fraught with mistakes.
Another core skill is that of conflict resolution. As we attempt to increase our intercultural understanding and competence, and as we engage with others across cultural barriers, we’ll also encounter conflict. Good resolution begins with those communication skills above, especially active listening. Empathy and perspective-taking are also useful; pause, take a deep breath, then attempt to see the argument or situation through the eyes of the other person – and ask them to do the same, if only for a moment. Seek commonality; aim for any possible area of collaboration. Understand that not all disagreement or conflict can be resolved, and that a stance of mutual respect is an acceptable alternative. At the same time – don’t be afraid of conflict. We’re attempting to resolve it, but not by merely ignoring it or being too acquiescing; rather, we seek mutual understanding.
Last, but absolutely not least (in fact, this is perhaps the take-home point): we need to increase our skills of flexibility and adaptability. Part attitude – we can make up our minds to be both – and part skill, we must practice this daily. Intercultural competence is an essential 21st century, digital era skill set – one prone to tensions and difficulties, misunderstandings, and a great deal of work. It will change who we are, as we let go of our own tightly held cultural identity just enough so that we can meet others halfway and learn to appreciate theirs as well. And to do that, we must be flexible when things go wrong, and adaptable to new circumstances.
Problem-solving skills are key. You can get workbooks of hypothetical problem-solving; you can also regularly engage in creativity of any kind, for creative thinking and problem-solving are first cousins. Be as open-minded as possible, not all-accepting but seeing from as many alternate perspectives as you can, and considering other intentions and outcomes than those you first determined.
Regularly assess your ego; don’t assume that anything is personally intended or meant to hurt your pride. (It might be – but more likely, it isn’t about you at all.) Practice mindfulness daily (just 10 minutes a day brings results, in focusing your attention and keeping you in the present moment); encounter diversity, in any form, as often as possible, and challenge yourself in a variety of ways. Learn a language or musical instrument; put yourself deliberately in situations or with people who are unfamiliar to you. And learn a few stress reduction methods that can be applied instantly, in almost any situation: breathing techniques, mini mental vacations, pressure points, and hand massage are a few such techniques.
Above all: keep going, one step at a time. And take a regular break from the world, too. (I recommend a weekly Internet disconnect and nature-based mental recharge.)
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Exercises:
Discussion or Contemplation: Which of these areas of core skills do I already possess to at least a moderate degree? In which do I need to improve?
Writing or Recording: What next steps can I take, and how, to work on those areas in which I’m not yet strong?
Further Reading: Interculturally Effective People https://ecampusontario.pressbooks.pub/communications/chapter/intercultural-effectiveness/
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