The Core Conditions – Acceptance, Genuineness & Empathy

These core conditions have their roots in the work of many counselling pioneers but are closely associated and often attributed to Carl Rogers in particular. ?Rogers took a humanistic and person-centred approach to therapy. ?His belief was that these core conditions alone would create a therapeutic relationship strong enough to create fundamental change.?

That might be a notion we’ll come back to, but for now I’m going to focus on the core conditions of acceptance, genuineness and empathy, and what they really mean in practice.?

On the face of it they seem self-explanatory and almost self-evident. ?If we want to create a therapeutic relationship in order to support someone then we need to accept them, be genuine in our actions, and be empathetic. ?But dig into this and it’s not so straightforward.?

Let’s start with acceptance, what Rogers often referred to as unconditional positive regard. This is easy when we are interacting with someone who we can relate to and who shares our values and beliefs. ?But what happens when they don’t. ?We know how polarised the world has become in recent years. ?Imagine you are in a position of supporting someone who has very different views to you on an issue such as gender, abortion, racism or trans rights. ?We all have our own code or frame of reference. ?Could you suspend yours in order to listen to someone with very different views? ??

This tips into the next core condition of genuineness, sometimes referred to as congruence by Rogers. ?I have been in skills practice situations where the person I was listening to had very different views to my own. ?Now I was able to not impose my views in the situation and hold the position of listener, but I didn’t feel genuine in that situation. ?Quite the opposite, I felt complicit as I wasn’t challenging views that I disagreed with.?

And what about empathy, how do we feel empathy for someone if we don't agree with or respect their position? ?How can we empathise with something if we fundamentally disagree with it??

I found this a real struggle at first. ?I still do if I’m honest, and it’s a work in progress. ?But genuineness comes from the situation. ?If I'm in a listening situation then the genuine position for me to adopt is to be non-judgemental. ?It’s not authentic for a counsellor or therapist to tell you their world view, and I’ve found this to be the key to genuineness, which in turn unlocked acceptance and empathy.?

Rogers sees these core conditions, not just as a counselling approach, but as a way of being, extending these conditions to our wider relationships. ?This feels a little zen and I’m far from there, but I have started to do this, and I have seen a difference. ?Seeking to understand why someone holds a different view has helped me to get past the polarising, right and wrong perspective. ?I’ve also found I'm more likely to win hearts and minds if I model my own view rather than just telling someone why they’re wrong.?

All that said, here are some things that cannot be compromised on. ?As a Yorkshireman I can confirm that there is definitely a wrong way to make a cup of tea. ?You know who you are...?

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