COPYWRITING EXERCISE 35: SaunaLuxe.Biz (Facebook ads study & improvisation)

I came across another piece of ad on my Facebook wall, and it's about promoting a sauna business.

So, I decided to put this ad under study, and challenging myself to try to come up with an improvised copy.

Here is the original ad copy:

Breaking News..

If you thought you could live healthily in our world filled with toxicity...

Having the deepest sleep every night....

And still get the greatest energy and focus based on your "daily lifestyle"...think again...

Let’s be real: life is often busy, demanding, and downright stressful.

Especially running a business in a modern world.

Technology is our best buddy.

The internet is all-over.

Computers and smart phones are involved in our everyday lives.

With so many responsibilities on the plate.

You skipped lunch.

You've got to drive the kids to school. (urgh… traffic jam!)

Emails and notifications. (Overloaded!)

Sooo..

To compensate.

You probably dream of basking in the sun on a tropical island.

Ahhh, doesn’t that sound relaxing?

While you can’t always escape to a tropical paradise (if only!)

Then from the back of your mind screaming for mercy..

Desperately in need of a solution..

Yep... that much needed ZEN moment.

Hmmmm.. I'm guessing

Jogging, meditation or yoga?

Or maybe that thousands that you're willing to spend on therapy, meds, vacation or spa...

Hopefully you'll get some sensation..

The answer, of course, isn't as simple as that.

Because sometimes stress comes at us like a raging torrent that leaves us gasping for air.

Impacting our body, mind and soul ..

And our health start to deteriorate without realizing..

Unwelcome illnesses appears..

Medical report with "ASTERISK MARK" or highlighted in "BOLD"..

Look, these are some serious problems that happen to every household ..

But seriously.

No matter what I say.

You'd just roll your eyes.

“Aaaaahhh another flippin’ guru”.

But you know what you can't deny?

Numbers...

Try look at the recent depression and critical illness appearance...

These alarming statistic will likely scare the pants off you..

So while others love to talk..

I’ll just keep stacking the prove..

Successful case study, after successful case study.

Look, recent research by Jari A. Laukkanen, MD, PHD and Dr Rhonda. Patrick, PHD.

Proven the number 1 way to reduce stress levels, improve sleep and to prevent illness...

And to get the most amount of energy that you possibly can ..

It is through having a SAUNA!

You'd probably thinking why do we need a sauna in a hot weather?

Sit in an oversized oven and bake yourself for a little while ..

Just kidding (lol).

But unsurprisingly, that’s what most people think a sauna session is like.

Trusttt me....

Hear me out..

A sauna may do more than just make you sweat..

Life could be so much better with sauna..

One sauna session decreases the sympathetic nervous system by 38.3%!

Believe me or not...

Even doctors and hospitals are using it too!

You see, maintaining a healthy body, mind and soul comes down to a distinct process..

Just like planting a tree..

There are a series of steps that you must take to make sure it works...

Just how you select the correct soil, water the plant efficiently and get the correct amount of sun... and ultimately grow..

It's a process, with varying levels of commitment along the way to reach the end goal...

Like how you are able to reverse the reading of "Stressed" into "Desserts"..

For the ultimate happiness!

I could go on and on ..

With a flick of a button and the weight of your shoulder immediately falls off..

It’s like a shortcut which gives you the most possible energy you could ever find..

Naturally puts you out of a "fight or flight" state back into a "meditative and relaxation" state..

Even things can be crazy on the outside of the sauna but on the inside, this is your time!

To take care of yourself, rejuvenate, detoxify, and relax..

And get your body reset back to its original tranquil state and ready to go out and conquer the world..

If you've come this far...

Pleasseee let me finish on this powerful tool..

It's the secret weapon of Finland to boost immune system and relieve stress..

There's a reason why they're the happiest country in the world!

They often says "sauna is a poor man pharmacy"

Yep.. That's RIGHT!

So they've own more saunas than car.

In a recent Finnish study conducted over a 20 years period..

Just by using a sauna regularly ..

Resulted in 40% decrease in top causing death..

Heart attack, stroke, cancer, influenza and pneumonia ... and more!!

Read that again!

It's the top 5 Killers in Malaysia and in fact in many countries..

Listen...

Another study conducted by researchers at Martin Luther University ..

A sauna can come to rescue by mimicking a moderate exercise that you never think possible.

Everyone knows “exercise is medicine”. Right?

But for many people it's much harder to get out and move their bodies.

Because modern life is hard to maintain a healthy, active lifestyle..

The exhaustion and lost of energy throughout the long day.

The lack of time and motivation.

And for those who are older or have chronic diseases, exercise can cause pain.

So as old saying goes, there is a will, there is a way!

All that you need to induce sweat.

To detoxify for the food we eat, the air we breathe and the water we drink today which are filled with toxicity..

Do you know?

Accumulated toxins lead to nearly every disease, symptom, injury, and malfunction...

That means now you can effortlessly sweat out these unavoidable toxic chemicals and heavy metals out of your body...

Just to top up the bonus!

You may even have a 2.7 fold chance to live up to 100!

I’m not kidding..

The more you sauna, the longer you’re gonna live.

Seriously..

Recently reported with more than 2-fold increase of people related in stress..

And if you have not making any efforts and still expecting a change in your health (I'm sorry that rarely happen!)

Or if you have done with all your old methods.

I am more than happy to help..

Because without the right help, many people will never reach their desired goals..

It is not their fault, they just haven’t been told a sustainable strategy to keep their health in check!

It does not have to be this way for you though!

But listen…..

If you're sick and tired of having no energy, no focus, not getting the deepest sleep every night..

The rapid changes of weight and mood,

The never ending expensive medications and therapy..

Perhaps, if you truly want to kiss your stress and illness goodbye!

Then we have exciting news for you!

We’ve detailed every single element of this powerful ‘secret method’ in our new E-book titled:

"8 shocking secrets to save thousands on your dream sauna"

And never again worry about stress, not only will you feel better, you’ll live a longer and healthier life..

Simply click the link below and get your FREE copy today...

https://www.saunaluxe.biz/sauna-secrets

Download it here, before the report comes down ...

And here is my analysis of the above copy:

Hook: The opening line "Breaking News.." and the following statements about living healthily, sleeping well, and having energy and focus grab the reader's attention.

What Are They Selling: They are selling an e-book titled "8 shocking secrets to save thousands on your dream sauna."

Problems They're Trying to Solve: Stress, lack of sleep, lack of energy and focus, weight and mood changes, expensive medication and therapy costs, and overall health issues.

Benefits: The copy promises reduced stress levels, improved sleep, prevention of illnesses, increased energy and focus, detoxification, relaxation, boosted immune system, and a longer, healthier life.

What's Unique About It: The copy highlights the benefits of saunas and positions them as a "secret weapon" and "poor man's pharmacy" for health and wellness, especially in Finland.

Trust or Proof: The copy cites research studies, statistics, and successful case studies to support the claims about the benefits of saunas.

Urgency: Phrases like "Before the report comes down" and "If you're sick and tired of..." create a sense of urgency for the reader to take action.

Call to Action: The call to action is "Simply click the link below and get your FREE copy today..." followed by a URL.

As a beginner copywriter, I'll try to provide an analysis of this given copy, focusing on clarity, tone, and persuasiveness.

Clarity:

1. The copy starts with an attention-grabbing hook but then meanders a bit, making it somewhat unclear what the main offer is until later in the copy.

2. There are a few too many parenthetical asides and colloquial expressions that could distract from the main message.

3. The benefits of using a sauna are well-explained, but the connection to the offered e-book could be made clearer earlier on.

Tone:

1. The overall tone is conversational and informal, which can be engaging for the reader.

2. However, there are a few instances of hyperbole (e.g., "scare the pants off you") that may come across as too exaggerated or sales-y.

3. The frequent use of rhetorical questions and exclamations can be effective in moderation but may feel excessive at times.

Persuasiveness:

1. The copy does a good job of establishing a relatable problem (stress, lack of energy, health issues) that many people face.

2. The use of research studies and statistics helps to build credibility and trust in the proposed solution (saunas).

3. The inclusion of successful case studies and real-life examples (Finland's sauna culture) further strengthens the persuasive argument.

4. The scarcity element ("before the report comes down") and the sense of urgency created could be effective in prompting action.

5. However, the call-to-action (CTA) could be made more prominent and repeated more frequently throughout the copy.

Suggestions for Improvement:

1. Streamline the opening section to more quickly establish the main offer (the e-book) and its connection to the sauna benefits.

2. Reduce the number of parenthetical asides and colloquial expressions to enhance clarity and focus.

3. Balance the conversational tone with a more authoritative and professional voice, especially when discussing research and statistics.

4. Incorporate the CTA more prominently and consistently throughout the copy, encouraging readers to take action at multiple points.

5. Consider adding more specific details or testimonials to further reinforce the credibility and persuasiveness of the claims.

Overall, the copy has some strong persuasive elements, but with some refinements to improve clarity, tone consistency, and CTA prominence, it could potentially convert even better.

And here I would suggest an improvised version from the original copy above, incorporating the suggestions for improvement mentioned earlier:

Are You Tired of Living with Constant Stress, Fatigue, and Health Issues?

Let's face it - in today's fast-paced world, it's all too easy to get overwhelmed by the demands of work, family, and daily life. The constant barrage of emails, deadlines, and responsibilities can leave you feeling drained, unfocused, and struggling to maintain a healthy lifestyle.

But what if there was a simple, proven solution to help you reclaim your energy, reduce stress, and boost your overall well-being?

Introducing the "8 Shocking Secrets to Save Thousands on Your Dream Sauna" - an invaluable e-book that reveals the life-changing benefits of regular sauna use.

Recent scientific studies have shown that saunas can:

- Decrease stress levels by up to 38.3%

- Improve sleep quality and duration

- Mimic the effects of moderate exercise

- Detoxify the body of harmful chemicals and heavy metals

- Reduce the risk of heart disease, stroke, and even cancer by 40%

And that's just the beginning. This comprehensive guide, backed by research from experts like Jari A. Laukkanen, MD, PhD, and Dr. Rhonda Patrick, PhD, unveils the secrets behind the Finnish "poor man's pharmacy" that has contributed to their status as the happiest country in the world.

Imagine having a personal oasis where you can escape the chaos, rejuvenate your mind and body, and emerge feeling refreshed, energized, and ready to conquer the world.

But don't just take our word for it. Countless case studies and real-life examples demonstrate the transformative power of regular sauna use.

John D., a busy entrepreneur, says, "Since incorporating sauna sessions into my routine, I've experienced a surge in productivity, focus, and overall well-being. It's like hitting a reset button for my mind and body."

And for those struggling with chronic conditions or mobility issues, saunas offer a low-impact way to experience the benefits of exercise without the strain.

So, what are you waiting for? Don't let stress, fatigue, and poor health hold you back any longer.

Click the link below to download your FREE copy of "8 Shocking Secrets to Save Thousands on Your Dream Sauna" and unlock the path to a happier, healthier, and more energized life.

https://www.saunaluxe.biz/sauna-secrets

But hurry, this offer is only available for a limited time. Download your copy now before it's gone!