Coping with situations that are outside of our control
October and November can be a sad time of year for many people, particularly since the sudden realisation that another year has almost passed can tend to spur introspection and in many ways unsettle us. The passage of time is a key thing that we have no control over, and in this month’s mindfulness and wellbeing updates we’ll be looking at handling other scenarios that we have no control over either.
Some of the biggest, most dramatic and difficult events in life are ones that are entirely out of our control, but on an everyday level we’re also faced with a number of situations that are out of our hands, from traffic to the weather to what we look like to what other people think of us.?
Life treats everyone differently and some people in the world are dealt a much more unfortunate hand than others, but it seems reasonable to assume that over the course of our lifetimes every single one of us will be faced with at least one major obstacle that we have absolutely no control over, as well as many smaller but still significant setbacks that can wear us down on a more gradual basis.??
In this month’s updates, we’ll be sharing some ideas on how to cope when all of this happens, but as ever we are more than curious to hear your views on this topic too.?
This is much easier said than done, particularly when faced with really difficult situations. Life can be really unfair to all of us, and when we’re trying to cope with something that we would never have chosen for ourselves, it’s easy to spend time asking why this has happened, at this particular time, and to us. This is completely understandable, but at the same time it can focus our attention away from what we can actually do to help solve our problem.?
Accepting a difficult situation can be tough because it can feel like we’re giving into it, but in the words of Nancy Coller, writing for Psychology Today, “acceptance is not an act of passivity, but rather an act of wisdom, of agreeing to start our efforts from where we actually are and considering what actually is”.?
2. Focus on what you can actually change
If we try to look at a difficult situation objectively then it can be easier to try to find practical ways of handling it, and sometimes we have more control than we think. One of the challenges of being faced with situations that are overwhelming is that we can easily lose confidence in our own ability to tackle them, but by taking a step back from a situation it can sometimes be possible to identify ways of handling it.?
Not every setback in life can be easily overcome, and some of the worst situations which are outside of our control are also the ones that are irreversible, but finding small ways to cope on an everyday level can help give us the confidence we need to continue moving forward. Remember that even the smallest positive change can help to mitigate a situation to some extent, even if things remain really hard.
3. Try to keep a sense of perspective
On the one hand, if you’re living with a situation that needs practical engagement from your side then it’s important to stayed focused on whatever you need to do to resolve your problem, yet at the same time it’s often easier to see situations with clarity when we take a step back from them and see them as part of the wider picture. In this sense, it can be helpful to talk to other people and engage with the rest of the world as much as is reasonably possible. In this same sense, getting outdoors, being physically active or doing anything else that roots you in your body will help too.?
If you’re understandably upset by events in the wider world too and you don’t want to shift your focus by turning your attention to other places, then try to find other ways of appreciating the vastness of the world and gaining a sense of perspective about your own place in it, such as reflecting on the complexity of nature, or looking at the stars. Doing anything that takes you away from the online realm and into the real world will help keep your thoughts in check too.?
4. Be reasonable with yourself
Allow yourself to feel intense emotions like anger, frustration and sadness, but also focus on past situations where you came out positively and coped well with a difficult incident. . Sometimes we don’t appreciate our own strength until we’re challenged.?
At the same time, remember that you're only human, and that sometimes life is just really hard. Practice mindfulness, but be aware that nobody is capable of being mindful one hundred percent of the time. Be reasonable with yourself and accept being tired and overwhelmed, but keep putting your best foot forward each day anyway. And remember that even in our worst moments of hardship the sun will continue to rise each morning, and that’s still something.?
That concludes this October's wellbeing updates, but as always we’re always interested to read your thoughts, so if you’d like to say more about any of the topics that we’ve raised in this article then please don’t hesitate to use the comments. Stay mindful, and see you again at the end of the month for November’s updates!?
Sources
Psychology Today | Nancy Coller
Psych Central | Sian Ferguson