Coping With Empty Nest Syndrome as a Single Parent

As if coping with midlife, erratic hormones and perimenopause was not enough, the children who you have spent the most significant part of your life nurturing and raising are ready to leave home and spread their wings.?

?One of the most significant symptoms of perimenopause is changes in mood and feelings. Your confidence and self-esteem can take a dive at this turbulent hormonal time. On top of that your sole reason for getting up in a morning and functioning is now ready to leave and go it alone. No wonder you are feeling neglected and unworthy. As a single parent you have probably had less leisure time, less sleep, less time for other pursuits. You may have foregone career changes, romance, new hobbies, and new friendships so you can have more time for the kids. ?

Think back to when you first left home. Did you totally cut all ties with your parents or, as with most, were there times when you needed a little extra? For me Christmas had to be spent with my parents or my dad would quite literally sulk! Up until his passing we had weekly conversations and when my mom was on her own, she would spend a huge portion of every school holiday with us. I think the longest time I did not see my parents was when I was living in Australia. ?

?It is true many single parents experience empty nest syndrome; many also experience a renewed sense of purpose when their children leave. Also remember a child’s transition to adulthood is not always painful for the parents. Parenting is exhausting, time-consuming work. Some parents relish the chance to sleep in, have more free time, pursue new relationships, and reconnect with an identity separate from parenting.?

So, how can you look after yourself during this transition time and beyond??

?Acknowledge Your Grief. ?

Allow yourself time to be sad about feeling empty. It is only natural that you will have mixed feelings at this stage, even if it is just a change in the shopping or meal prep... Give yourself time do not pressure yourself to feel better right away. ...?

Identify Your Roles?

You have been a lot of things in your life—daughter or son, friend, employee, —but none may feel as important as the role of parent. You can still carry that label proudly. You may need to set some ground rules with your child as they move out, make sure they are aware of what you expect of them as much as what they can expect from you.?

Now that you have more time on your hands, you can explore other activities that can give you meaning and purpose. Clarifying the roles, you would like to fill now that ensure you feel valuable.?

Reconnect With Yourself?

Did you have any hobbies that you gave up as parenting took over your life? An empty nest means that you have time to get back in touch with that side of you.??

Perhaps you would like to return to a hobby that you pushed aside when you became a parent. Or maybe there’s something you always wanted to try but you never had time. This is an exciting time to explore your interests.?

Find New Challenges?

Ease the sense of loss that you might feel about your child growing up by finding a new personal or professional challenge to tackle. However, avoid making any life-altering decisions in the first six months or so after your child moves out. The emotional roller coaster associated with empty nest syndrome can cloud your judgment. Making a substantial change while when you are feeling emotional might prevent you from making your best decision.?

Give Each Other Space?

Obsessively monitoring your child’s social media accounts, calling every morning, and spending every minute worrying about how your child is doing in college or in their new place, will not allow you to move on and can create a rift with your child. Coping with empty nest syndrome means letting go and letting your child grow to become an independent adult.?

Of course, check in on your child’s well-being. But give them some privacy—and the space to make a few mistakes. It is healthier for both of you.?

There is no right or wrong way to feel after a child leaves home. Many parents shift between feelings of sadness and joy. Instead of worrying about whether their feelings are appropriate, parents should give themselves permission to explore their emotions as they transition into the next chapter of their parenting lives.?

?No matter what you do to shift your focus from your empty nest, it will not change initial feelings of sadness. You need to grieve what you have lost. One phase of your life is over. Your children are no longer living at home and time has likely passed by faster than you ever imagined.?

Coming to terms with this new phase in your life can be tough. But most parents find they can adjust to their new roles and they develop a new sense of normal. If you find that empty nest syndrome is getting worse, instead of better, or it does not resolve within a couple of months, talk to a mental health professional. Your feelings of loneliness or emptiness may require treatment.?