Coping with Emotions on the Job

“You’ve got to have a thick skin”

The rules of work are changing. We’re being judged by a new yardstick: not just by how smart we are, or by our training and expertise, but also by how well we handle ourselves and each other. This yardstick increasingly is being applied in choosing who will be hired and who will not, who will be let go and who retained, who passed over and who promoted.

But how should leaders cope with the many feelings that their work will engender? We found that leaders have ways for dealing with emotions that attach to decisions that they make. There are numerous ways that people deal with emotional issues the face. Leaders told us they exercised, took walks, found time to think and reflect, and relied on friends and colleagues for support. These are healthy reactions to stress. The three coping strategies are the following:

Finding Order Out of Chaos:

Leaders expressed that there were positives that could be drawn even during the most emotionally laden situations. Human systems find order through individual interactions through a process called emergence. In other words, the whole is greater than the parts or their sums. Thus, through working together we end up with a greater purpose achieved through the whole that could ever have been realized individually. The leaders were clear that something emerged for them as a result of the organizational distress they experienced. Through their chaotic emotional experience they were able to create knowledge that would serve them well the next time they were challenged emotionally at work. They were self-referent in examining what had transpired and draw upon their lessons to improve their leadership, growing by moving beyond a devastating experience, by adapting and finding order from the emotional chaos.

Communicating and Strategizing as Keys:

As the leaders became increasingly aware of their employees’ emotional burden, they came to believe that it was imperative to be as open with their employees as possible. They discussed the need for communicating with everyone to keep them informed and to help them work through the issues being confronted. One common thread was that open communication was healthy for all company employees including the leader. It was seen as an ethical imperative to be open and honest, and it provided leaders an opportunity to talk through and think through the issues causing concern. For many, it was simply the right action to take, and it made them feel a little bit better when finding any solace was difficult. Several leaders explained that sharing as much information as possible made the decisions feel as if they were shared by everyone, and in a sense “de-isolated” those in charge. As many leaders explained, open communication provided damage control for both the betterment of the organization and for their own mental health.

Following Your Heart:

The final strategy the leaders employed in coping was their feeling that they were doing the right thing. There is no doubt these leaders were faced with making very difficult decisions, and these decisions had emotional implications for them. It was the best to follow their heart. Put the heart in place of mind and think for the decisions. One way to cope was to feel that they were acting in the best interest of the organization. The leaders were true to their heart and carried out decisions that felt right. As one businessman told, “I have to look at myself in the mirror each morning. I’m not the coldhearted son of a gun that many may think of me. When I like what I see in that mirror, I know that I’ve done what was right.”