Copilot Syndrome

-"There's a car coming."

-"Look at the traffic light"

-"The car ahead is braking."

It is unlikely that, having been a driver for some time, you have never heard some of these exclamations (or similar ones) from your co-pilot. And it's even more unlikely that you didn't feel some irritation or at least discomfort.

You most likely heard yourself like saying...

I know!! I can see it too!

Or maybe worse... "Do you want to take the car yourself?"

Driving a car is a task of some complexity that requires mental agility (attention to details, evocation of rules) and physical (coordination, promptness). Many of these actions are (fortunately) automated by practice, but above all by the perception of control and self-efficacy. When someone - the copilot - calls our attention to some element (major or minor), our action is brought to consciousness.

In situations of imminent danger, it's a good thing we have a co-pilot. But not all situations are imminent danger, are they? By the way, most of them are quite common situations, aren't they? What's the danger then?

The danger is that by being this type of co-pilot, we are transferring the decision-making center to ourselves and emptying that of the driver, who is the one who actually has the power to change the course of action. This brings insecurity, confusion, and a state of alert that can easily lead... to disaster.

Now let's change the scene from the road to the dinner table or the classroom. And let's exchange the experienced driver for the teenager or the student who drives through the streets and alleys of their own autonomy or learning. Let's change the scenery for a few minutes.

Is it easier now to understand why we see them resisting, complaining, or worse... withdrawing?