Convincing Elderly Parents to Accept Help

So, what signs have you noticed that your aging parent needs more support?

Missed bill payments, an empty fridge, deteriorating hygiene messy house?

Yet when you gently suggest having someone come by or delivering meals, you get anger or stubbornness.

"I'm fine!" your parent insists, shrugging off your concerns.

This reaction may be due to a few factors.

After a lifetime of independence, your parent feels they know what's best for themselves.

And who are you, their CHILD, to know better than them??

The thought of others making decisions for them or intruding in their home sparks an instinctive rejection.

Accepting help means acknowledging frailty and decline, which is difficult emotionally.

Admitting incapacity hits their pride.

Beneath the stubborn refusals is also likely fear.

Your parent worries that accepting even minor help means their loss of independence is approaching too quickly.

That once they go down this path, before they know it, they'll end up in a nursing home. GOD FORBID!

This terrifying notion makes them cringe at things like a ‘cleaning service’.

As the dutiful child, your instinct is to respect their wishes.

By pushing too hard you end up triggering bigger confrontations.

But is standing by while their health and safety deteriorates a form of neglect?

Loving your parents, you need to find the right balance between honouring autonomy and ensuring safety.

When persuasion fails, try demonstrating how small assists can prolong independence rather than threaten it.

For instance, having nutritious meals delivered means they'll have energy for hobbies and friends longer.

Making the home safer avoids falls that can lead to institutionalization.

What would they fancy, weeks in hospital, or being safe in their own home?

The worst examples of death I have heard about is finding elderly person at home dead on the floor bathroom, or stuck behind doors…..

Enlist health professionals or a social worker to reinforce it's for the best. Bring siblings on board so you're not the "bad guy" alone.

Make it a collaborative conversation, not an intervention-style confrontation. Another way of putting it, work with them and not give advice.

If they accuse you of overreacting, use specific examples like the untaken medications you found.

Suggest a trial period for new help—perhaps just a few weeks or even days—to ease their alarm.

You are not alone, you do not have to do this all by yourself.

There is support out there, seek it out before it gets too bad and a crisis happens.

Help can take many forms.

Talking to others, you may get more tips of how to deal with this situation, others have been through the same problems and guide you through.

Social services can help, the GP surgery can point you in the right direction as well.

In my job, I found that when I am wearing my ‘doctor’s hat’ and repeat whatever the family have said, the elderly person will listen and act.

Sad to say it, the elderly person trusts and respects the professional more than their own children.

(But there are always exeptions!)

Small baby steps at a time, but do it before the crisis happens please.

Things can get better, you do not have to do it alone, get the support from others.

Most importantly, look after yourself.

Let's talk, here is the link to my diary: https://zcal.co/elizabeth-rozario/Lets-talk

#dying #ageingparents #bereavement