Conveying Emotions Properly Over Email By: Silvana Capaldi

When you write a professional email, how many times do you read it over before you send it? Maybe once, to check for spelling or grammar mistakes, but do you check your tone?

Everyone is guilty of trying to write an email just like we talk. We insert sarcasm, humor, and even strongly felt emotions. We see the words as we meant them to be, but will the reader? It’s all too common that what a person writes in email gets interpreted in the completely opposite way. This can injure working relationships, and lead to a domino effect of issues that could easily have been avoided.

The trick, is to craft an email that says exactly what you mean. This is harder than it sounds since tone and emotion are two very subjective components of any written form of communication.

 Potential problems when your tone is mis-read

 Everyone loves email. It’s a great way to communicate with multiple people at once. It can get a message to someone no matter where they are (as long as they have internet.) It allows recipients to have time to respond, and it keeps a permanent record of your exchanges with others. It’s also a format in which things can go terribly wrong.

Miscommunication is a dangerous thing from a professional standpoint, especially when people communicating so differently over email. What if you like to write in all caps to show excitement, but your reader takes that to mean you’re yelling at them in a negative way? What if you highlight something simply for emphasis, but your reader sees it as an angry gesture?

Mis-read emails can lead to lasting issues with colleagues. They may feel put out by you personally. They may make others feel uncomfortable at work, to the point that they look for employment elsewhere. Collaboration can become a challenge, and people’s opinion of you can change.

Getting the tone of your email right is too important to treat this issue lightly. That’s why it’s necessary to give your emails the time they need to get the emotions behind your words just right.

 Tips for getting the right emotion into your email

 Being clear and effective over email is possible with patience. While many feel that email is a great way to communicate quickly, don’t write and send so fast that you can’t take time to reread your message. It’s too important to get your tone right to just let anything fly out of your inbox.

Here are some ways to shape your email so it’s less likely to be mis-read.

 1. Write from a neutral perspective

Making the assumption that your reader is gong to take everything you say literally is an amazing tip when it comes to writing emails. When you do this, you’re more careful. You’re in tune with the fact that misinterpretation is always possible. You leave out any nuances related to tone that aren’t specific to your audience.

Other ways to ensure a more neutral tone include avoiding:

?  Sarcasm.

?  Humor (unless the reader is already in on the joke.)

?  Using formatting to show emphasis — that means no writing in all caps or using a lot of exclamation points.       

2. Use language that diffuses harshness

When we write, we tend to use definitive language. Even if we’re offering an opinion, or meaning to say something gently, this tone can overshadow your true intent. You can soften the edges of what you want to say by forgoing blunt statements.

Saying, over email, “That meeting was a complete disaster! Nobody said anything right,” sounds accusatory and harsh. You’re probably just venting, but over email the tone you want gets obscured by the words you use. Instead say something like, “That meeting felt a little rough, huh? Do you think we should regroup to talk about next steps to clarify our message?”

3. Keep messaging focused and to-the-point

Less flowery language means fewer opportunities for your reader to misinterpret. Keep things concise and write your email with a specific goal in mind. Consider having one point per email to avoid confusion. Then, organize your message in a way that makes it scannable for later, and easy to digest.

4. Put things into context

It’s also easier to convey emotions over email when the recipient understands why they are receiving the message. Simply diving into a list of to do’s or reactions can overwhelm a reader and make it hard for them to understand how you feel toward them in relation to the issue.

A good tip is to imagine the questions the recipient will have after reading what you initially write. Then, go back and add in answers to these questions within the body of your email. This ensures you’ve included enough context to avoid misinterpretation

 When to skip email all together

 It’s also important to recognize when an email will fail to work altogether. Certain conversations just have to happen in person and dodging them with an email can lead to a variety of issues. Even if handling things face-to-face feels awkward, it’s easier than dealing with the fallout resulting from an email miscommunication.

Talking in person also helps connect you to the conversation on a deeper level. You’ll be able to see the non-verbal cues the person you’re talking to is expressing. In turn, they’ll see yours. This means you’ll not only get the tone just right but you’ll understand how the other person feels about what you’re saying. Things won’t get muddled up as emails fly from computer to computer.

A few scenarios where an actual conversation is best include:

?  Delivering praise for a job well done.

?  Discussing a professional issue or unacceptable situation.

?  Offering up an apology for something.

You should also consider a live talk when your own emotions are too heightened to reign in over email. If you’re extremely mad or hurt, having that conversation in person will be much more productive.

Speaking to these particular issues in person, or over the phone or video chat, allows you to put the right emotions into your words. An email could miss how happy you are about the job a co-worker has done. The recipient could hear sarcasm when none is intended. A live conversation will help you avoid the ambiguity of email, so you don’t have to spend time trying to craft a perfect message or do damage control after the fact.

 Writing the perfect email takes practice

Knowing how to effectively communicate, whether it’s email, presenting, discussing, or talking one-on-one takes practice. It’s also a good idea to learn from others what methods works for then. With plenty of years in sales and business, I’ve had my share of awkward conversations and learned so much about communicating in every way, and at every level. I now share what I’ve learned through in-depth presentations that break down the complexities of professional communication. For more information on my speaking availability and the topics I cover, contact me today.