Conversations – where have they gone?

I was delivering a program for a group of young students who have just started their MBA. The one thing that stood out was the very hands on and easy access these students had to a smart phone. And they were quick to use it – the smallest pause, and they would immediately glance at their phones. Or during the break or during a group activity – any opportunity they had, they unconsciously picked up their phone and flipped a few screens.

?And what was suffering was free-flowing natural conversation. I had to work hard to draw them out, they seemed to struggle to strike a conversation with me or even with one another. I see this with my sons too – in their pre-teens and teens, they seem to run out of ideas on what to talk about when there is space to make a conversation. This is true in most settings – at home, in family gatherings and even at school.

Are we as a species slowly losing the art of ‘socialising’ and making good conversation? Is that one of the collateral damages of technology?

?I want to put out there some very basic tips on how to strike a good conversation. Most of it may seem rhetorical but I guarantee you, you will find yourself not practicing a lot of it. Sometimes we need reminders to do what is most natural and obvious.

?Tip 1: Smile, the authentic, warm smile!

It’s amazing how much of a universal impact smiling has on our own psyche and that of those around us. Smiling instantly reduces stress, makes you more likeable, increases your confidence and is positively contagious. So, simply put, start with a smile to put yourself and everyone else at ease.

Tip 2: Get rid of distractions!

Find what distracts you and consciously, get rid of it. It could be your phone or your smart watch or a social media ping on the laptop. Whatever it is, consciously switch it off. Unline popular perception, you cannot multitask.

Tip 3: Ask open ended questions.

Open ended questions on a subject which is non-controversial and not very knowledge heavy can be a great conversation starter. Questions like ‘How do you like to spend your day?’ or ‘What has been the best part of the day today?’ can lead to surprisingly deep and insightful conversations.

Tip 4: Listen. Be genuinely interested.

This is more difficult than we think. Listening with genuine interest is rare and needs effort and focus. It also needs a mindset shift – we need to drop all mental barriers and be ‘open to learning’ something in every conversation. If we begin with an attitude of ‘I can learn something new through this conversation’, as opposed to ‘Can I learn anything that I don’t already know?’, half the battle is won.

Tip 5: Share your thoughts.

The sustain an interesting conversation, it’s important to make it two way. Sharing leads to more common themes emerging, more interactivity and also more intimacy. Listen first, share later, but do share. Do not shy away from open ended questions yourself, reflect and share. If you are not a natural at sharing, remember - the more we share, the more natural we become at it.

?What are your secrets to conducting meaningful conversations? Do share in the comment box.