The Conversations We Avoid: How To Develop Your Communication Courage

“The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place" ?- George Bernard Shaw

We've all experienced that moment – sitting in a meeting watching a preventable problem unfold, or at the dinner table as a small misunderstanding grows into something bigger. The common thread? A difficult conversation that no one had the courage to initiate.

Personally, I hated confrontations growing up. In my family they usually ended up badly.

The Business Cost of Conversations We Avoid

In the workplace, the pattern is no doubt familiar. A company invests significant time and resources into a new initiative. Behind the enthusiasm, concerns exist at multiple levels of the organization. The frontline team sees practical problems. Middle managers sense timeline issues. Customer-facing staff hear worrying feedback. And that’s just the tip of the iceberg.

?Yet in meeting after meeting, these concerns remain largely unspoken. There is a silent go-along to get-along attitude instead of a direct approach to articulate and understand the issues.

?Why is this so difficult?

In many organizational cultures, raising problems feels risky. There is too much push-back. There is no agreement on direction, and decisions are stalled because people are afraid to speak up. The unwritten rule appears to be: don't rock the boat.

The consequences play out predictably – launches that fail, projects that miss the mark, and decisions that backfire. ?Not to mention the money that is lost due to missed communication. Worse still is the lingering damage to trust, as people throughout the organization think, "We all knew this would happen. Why didn't anyone say anything?"

?The Personal Cost of Communication Avoidance

?What's fascinating is how this same pattern repeats in our personal lives. Think about:

• The family dinner where everyone avoids mentioning the obvious tension between two members
• The friendship where something hurtful was said, but never addressed
• The couple who sidestep difficult topics until they become insurmountable issues

The ability to have difficult conversations with skill and empathy isn't just a business asset – it's a life skill that shapes our closest relationships.

When we avoid necessary conversations with loved ones, we pay a similar price: problems compound, trust erodes, and relationships that could have been strengthened through honest dialogue instead grow weaker through silent avoidance.

A Different Path: Creating Safety to Speak Truth

I recently witnessed an organization that had cultivated what they called a "truth-telling culture." During a critical project review, a team member spoke up: "Based on what I'm seeing, I don't believe we're ready to move forward. Here's why..."

Instead of defensiveness, the response was, "Tell us more. This is exactly what we need to know now."

That single conversation changed their trajectory, allowing them to address issues before they became crises.

The same principles work at home.

A friend recently shared how his relationship with his teenage daughter transformed when he created space for difficult conversations: "I realized I was shutting down certain topics because they made me uncomfortable. Once I started really listening without judgment, even when I didn't like what I was hearing, everything changed."

The Bridge Between Professional and Personal

What's striking is how these communication skills transfer between our work and personal lives:

The ability to listen without defensiveness - serves us equally well with colleagues and family members.

Creating psychological safety where people can speak truth without fear – strengthens both teams and relationships.

Separating people from problems helps us address issues without damaging connections, whether in a boardroom or living room.

Asking better questions uncovers deeper concerns in both professional projects and personal relationships.

Being willing to listen not just to what’s being said, but what’s not being said. ?

Building Your Conversation Courage

If you're looking to strengthen your capacity for difficult conversations in all areas of life, consider these practices:

Start with curiosity rather than judgment. Whether addressing a project delay or a relationship concern, approach with genuine questions rather than accusations.

Create dedicated space for truth-telling. In business, this might be specific meetings for surfacing concerns; at home, it might be regular check-ins where difficult topics are welcomed.

Manage your own emotional reactions. Our defensive responses often shut down the conversations we most need to have.

Focus on shared goals. Emphasize what you're trying to accomplish together, whether it's a successful product launch or a healthier relationship.

Validate the courage it takes to speak up. When someone raises a difficult topic, acknowledge their bravery before addressing the content.

The most successful organizations aren't those without problems – they're ones where problems get addressed through honest conversation. Similarly, the strongest relationships aren't trouble-free, but rather those where difficult topics can be discussed with care and respect.

I'm curious: How have you seen your ability to handle difficult conversations transfer between your professional and personal life?

What conversation are you avoiding right now that might actually strengthen an important relationship if you approached it with skill and care?

Difficult conversations are only difficult because we don't know how to handle them appropriately. Learning how to communicate with clarity is an art form and we can all benefit from learning how to do it better.

Ready to Ditch the Delusions and Create Real Transformation?

In my program Communicate with Confidence, I take a deep dive into difficult conversations and how our ability (or inability) to navigate challenging conversations impacts every aspect of our lives. From boardrooms to living rooms?I help leaders identify the fears disguising themselves as perfectionism, procrastination, or decision-avoidance – and transform them into strengths.

I won't offer you comfortable platitudes. What I will bring is compassionate truth-telling and practical strategies drawn from my own experiences in helping individuals and companies deal with unexpected challenges over several decades.

Looking to continue this conversation? Connect with me here on LinkedIn or visit [your website] to learn how we might work together.

Remember: The most meaningful growth often begins in the spaces we've been avoiding.

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