Conversations change lives
I have been a long-time supporter of the RUOK movement. I remember early conversations with Gavin Larkin when R U OK? Day was just an idea, and I have been involved with the organisation for a number of years on their Scientific Advisory Group and in recent years the Conversation Think Tank.
I am a believer in the power of the individual to make a difference and have seen first-hand in my personal and professional life that a conversation can change a life.
Last week I had the pleasure of joining the RUOK Convoy for a few days and joined events in Tamworth and Brisbane. I got to meet a lot of people on the way and also also got to sing Tenterfield Sadler as we drove through the town of the same name. (Sidenote, the driver may not have enjoyed the singing as much as I did).
But the other thing travelling north gave me was a change to catch up with someone that personifies the RUOK message for me – my grandfather.
In 2015 the RUOK campaign wanted to show the value of an RUOK conversation by getting people to write a thank you note to someone who had asked them the question. I wrote a letter to my grandfather Gerry, which was subsequently reprinted in the media. I thought I’d share it again here on LinkedIn.
“Dear Pop, I work in mental health and I know all too well how important connecting with those around you is, and the power of asking R U OK?
‘‘I want more and more Australians to have the confidence to ask each other R U OK? But the reality is, people don’t have to actually ask those exact words for a conversation to change a life. I learnt that from you.
‘‘I live a very busy life. I work long hours, I travel constantly and I am not the best at taking ‘me’ time. I am one of those people who will often put the needs of others before my own. But once a week, I stop what I am doing, to take a call from you.
‘‘Sometimes when you call on a Sunday I am feeling physically exhausted after spending five very long days at work and eight hours at netball on a Saturday. If something bad happens during the week at work or in life, it will usually hit me on a Sunday.
‘‘But then something happens. You call me.
‘‘The phone calls are usually quite short and often a summary of where I have been that week, whether I won at netball, the status of your ailments, and whether or not you had a win on the races.
‘‘But they are so much more than that. They are regular. They show love. And they keep me connected to you and connected to life. You don’t have to actually ask me whether I am OK, but I know that when you call every week, you care that I am.
‘‘We have history – you are the one who watched me every Friday night for the price of a block of chocolate and the one who still takes a 12-hour train trip to visit me at Christmas.
‘‘We don’t see eye-to-eye on current affairs, politics, or even religion any more. But in the era of text messages, Facebook and Twitter, you are the one phone call I can expect every week. Not a work call, but a personal call. A call that is all about me, and just because.
‘‘I value those phone calls more than perhaps I have ever told you. Not for the specific words we say to each other, but because of the regular time we have together. For me, it is like someone holding a neon sign in front of me asking R U OK once a week.
‘‘Some weeks I am not, and your call always makes a difference. Thanks for asking.”
To get involved in the R U OK campaign this year, visit www.ruok.org.au
If you are in Newcastle and want to get involved in suicide prevention, visit https://www.himh.org.au/programs/lifespan-newcastle
For 24 hour support call Lifeline on 13 11 14 or visit www.lifeline.org.au