Conversations Across the 49th Parallel - I

Preface: This is the first of a series of exchanges between Jim Murray and me, covering a broad range of topics — some important, some trivial, but all, we believe, entertaining.
           Jim and I are both professional writers and editors. Jim's writing background is primarily in the marketing and advertising sector, while the bulk of mine is in the sphere of special-interest print magazines.
           For better or worse, we’re both known for being on the cantankerous side, as well as for not taking ourselves — or anyone else — too seriously. And we're both known for speaking our minds, while letting the chips fall where they may.
           We hope you'll be stimulated and entertained by these discussions, and invite you to join in with your comments. Feel free, as well, to suggest future topics. Welcome to the conversation.

What should the rules of engagement be on LinkedIn?

Phil: Look, Jim, I’ve seen you level some pretty strong criticisms at people who you thought were talking trash in comments and posts on LinkedIn. At what point do you judge a conversation is crossing the line of civility?

Jim: I don’t think there’s a hard and fast rule for civility. It kinda depends on what you are talking about. Mainly, I will pipe up if I think the question is dumb. And there are a lot of dumb questions out there.

But assuming there’s a smart question, one of the things I have noticed about people on LinkedIn is that they tend to try to be politically correct a lot, and they sometimes seem to be stifling their real feelings. So if I sense this, I kinda poke them to see if they will come out of their shell.

Also being fairly left leaning, I have very little tolerance for people who overtly bring their politics into a comment stream. All this means is that they’re not really paying attention to the subject at hand. That offends me as a strategist and it doesn’t really further the conversation in any productive way.

I mean, the whole point of everything that happens here between people should actually be aimed at building dialogue and sharing insights.

When it gets off track, most people just leave. I guess I’m a die hard in that respect.

So to answer you question, civility is like a rubber band that can be stretched to some extent depending on the situation. I would never resort to profiling or name calling. But you and I are both pros so we don’t have to. There are more effective ways to poke and prod.

Phil: I guess that makes sense, since the first comment you ever made on one of my posts was, “Phil, go f#%k yourself.”

That wasn’t the first time someone had told me that, but it was… sort of… well… shocking. What with you being a Canadian and, consequently, a denizen of the Land of Polite… and voluntary queueing up.

Anyway, there is a lot of talk (and writing) on LI about “trolls” – what they are, how to deal with them – or not – and what this social media platform is, or should be all about. Indeed, many say that the kind of remarks you make, at times, can irretrievably damage some authors who have “put themselves out there”, only to find you waiting in the bushes with your criticism.

Jim: Actually the comment you are referring to was in reaction to being punked by you and Robert Bacal enjoying the hell out of it.

I learned a valuable lesson that day although I can’t articulate what it is…it’s ethereal.

Also, I am Canadian and living proof that we are not all Uber polite. There are some real bad-asses up here. Go find Kenny Ducross on Facebook and you’ll see what I mean.

Now trolls. A lot of people think that not deleting the troll’s comments somehow validates their point of view. I totally disagree. These people are nuts. They’re missing a few key screws. And if you don’t have a scorched earth policy, they will wear you out, clutter up your comments and eventually hurt your reputation.

I had one a while ago. He started off a little soft so I actually sent him a comment back. Then he went all ape-shit. I admit, never having had one before, I was a bit fascinated by the psychosis manifesting itself. But that got old pretty fast, and I totally blocked him.

If I see any others I will do the same with no hesitation. So that’s pretty absolute. Now I’m sure you have some kind of troll management philosophy.

Phil: Yeah, I do. I didn’t when I first started blogging on LinkedIn, but I’ve been forced to develop one. Generally, my skin is as thick as a hippo’s when it comes to disagreement and argument. I developed it during my years as a philosophy graduate student, when my colleagues and I literally lived for intellectual fisticuffs.

When I first started on LinkedIn, I actually enjoyed ripping trolls to shreds with rapier sharp sarcastic wit and logical demolition of their bull chip statements. Which is why I barely flinched when you suggested I perform an anatomically impossible physical exercise.

Then, one day, I picked up a Limpet Troll, a mean-spirited little man who began using the comments threads of my posts to tell me how I had everything backward, and how people would do better to buy and read his books on similar topics. Rarely, if ever did he present reasons for his bald assertions about my incompetencies. And even when he did, it was evident he was arguing against straw men, that is, against positions I hadn’t, in fact, expressed. He couldn't be bothered to actually read anything somebody other than he wrote.

You know, I think you may know this guy, at least online. He lives your side of the 49th Parallel, in a city not too far from yours. But anyway…

The exchanges went on for over a year. With this troll creeping my profile daily, I guess to search for posts that he might use for his personal self-promotion. Over time, the exchanges with this ugly little man became boring and tiring because he wasn’t witty or humorous, just tedious.

Then, one day he referred to an internet news item dating back more than a decade to when I was CEO of a 600-employee company. He used the news byte entirely out of context in a blatant attempt to sully my professional business reputation. For even thick-skinned me, that crossed the line. So, I blocked the boring little bull chip. First time I ever blocked anyone.

However, I still don’t just ignore the comments of trolls, which almost invariably fail to be on point. Ignoring those comments only causes trolls to redouble their pathetic efforts to gain your attention, and that of your readers – attention that they crave obsessively.

Instead, I now simply reply, “Thank you for your comment.” And move on. This signals, I think, that I’ve noticed them and have made a conscious decision not to engage. As a result, my troll traffic has dropped off significantly.

Jim: I guess it just goes to show that there is more than one way to skin a cat. You keep the cat around for a while, while I choose to vaporize them ASAP.

Since I spent a lot of time of Facebook before I start getting serious about LinkedIn, I kind of got used to dumping people on a regular basis. In fact I dumped 1900 people at the same time when I closed and then re-opened my account.

But I knew one girl there who really liked having the trolls around. She would even write inflammatory posts to see if she could attract them. Then she would slam them around like a mixed martial artist. I really admired that quality in her. But at the same time, it kind of spoke to some deep dark defect.

Like you, I love a good debate. Debating with trolls, for me however, never ends up in a good place, so I would rather just debate with the undamaged.

Phil: Just for the record, I could bend your ear off about the difference between “debate” and “argument” – but let’s agree to leave that for another time. The next topic is up to you.

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Author's Notes:  Jim Murray can (and always will) speak for himself; and he is publishing a duplicate of this post under his byline as well.

But if you found the reading here worthwhile, you might want to take a look at my series, the Road Chronicles:

"Reaching Beyond Me"
"Cynicism Can Be the Final Refuge of Idealism"
"LinkedIn Is a Highway, Not a Destination"

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About me, Phil Friedman:  With 30 some years background in the marine industry, I've worn numerous hats — as a yacht designer, boatbuilder, marine operations and business manager, marine industry consultant, marine marketing and communications specialist, yachting magazine writer and editor, yacht surveyor, and marine industry educator. I am also trained and experienced in interest-based negotiation and mediation. In a previous life, I taught logic and philosophy at university.

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The pitch: As a professional writer, editor, university educator, and speaker, with more than 1,000 print and digital publications, I've recently launched an online course for enhancing your expository writing: learn2engage — With Confidence. My mission is to help writers and would-be writers improve the clarity of their thought and writing, master the logic of discussion, and strengthen their ability to deal confidently with criticism and disagreement. For more information contact [email protected]. 

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           Text Copyright ? 2015 by Phil Friedman — All Rights Reserved
     Images Credits:  Phil Friedman and Jim Murray