Conversational Intimacy : Can you achieve this in the virtual world?

I have always been attracted to LinkedIn as the medium of choice to share content. I am also very mindful of my connections. In times like these where meeting up for coffee or drinks or dinner has become other worldly, I think I flit to LinkedIn far more than before. 

A few days ago, a LinkedIn member pinged me. She was taken by an article that I had published earlier this year. It was about the use of power in an organisation and its disproportionate effect on the culture. We messaged back and forth and she said she wanted to know my story. She was currently stuck between a rock and a hard place and maybe talking to me could give her some ideas. Now Paula was already a connection. We set up a time to chat up. 

For the both of us, this call was an added responsibility. We spoke for the better part of an hour, at the end of which, we could proudly call each 1st degree connections, because we knew so much more of each other. She became a connection to me, not just a profile or an acquaintance. 

Paula had a promotion due, but that didn’t come through. Also she had begun to feel that she was losing the pulse of her team. At work, it was always an open door policy. People managers like Paula are struggling today to figure out how to stay connected virtually with their team members. For so many of us, networking virtually is a new skill set. 

I believe that the key to mastering this skill set is but conversations. Or rather it is advancing the conversations that you were anyway engaged in. 

1. Your team needs to function like a single unit. Rather than issuing directives or sending emails, the answer lies in involving people in the conversation. Earlier when you issued a directive, the body language of the people in the room told you what they thought of it. Then you went back and forth till an understanding was reached. Now issuing orders over zoom or Teams has taken away that sensitivity to non verbal cues. It is best to engage team members in conversation before it becomes directive. It is even more necessary now to discuss the why of the decision that it was ever before. 
2. Practice intentional proximity. You can’t get a cake to work and let the birthday folks cut it. But you can have a cake delivered to their home. Intentional proximity is about choosing to make those things a priority that are of importance to your teams. Advancing conversation doesn’t only mean that you need to pick up the phone and spiel on for an hour. It simply means being mindful of what’s unfolding in their lives too. 
3. There is no better a lover than one who listens. Pardon that reference, but it is the truth for your teams too. It does no good to involve them when you’ve already decided that this is how things must be. Listen like the lover. The need of the hour is to feel heard. 

When there is conversational intimacy within teams, it becomes smoother to be productive as a unit. There is no second guessing, there is the spirit to work together even if some have not bought in to the idea being played. 

I am reminded of a conversation in my virtual team this morning. It wasn’t easy as one of the key team members was torn between really liking what they do and yet wanting to do something else to manage work with life. We openly solicited and gave each other feedback. The beauty of the conversation was that all of us were really open, really listening – really trying our best to marry what the organization needs and what the individual needs. 

We didn’t make any decisions – but in that moment we were deeply connected and we cared for each other and we showed that we cared. 

That’s what we remember the most. To rephrase Maya Angelou - we will forget what others said, we will forget what others did, but we will never forget how others made us feel.

When was the last time you had a conversation which changed how people feel?

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About the author:

My passion is to create opportunities and catalyse relationships that help us thrive! I believe that personal, organisational and societal change is an interactive development process and through my interventions I seek to build awareness and action across all. I have had the privilege to have coached and trained leaders and management teams in 40 plus countries globally and on all continents.

Over the last two decades, I have engaged with leadership development, L&D and talent management across the entire spectrum from diagnosis to design to implementation. Currently I run my own niche Executive Coaching Practice to accelerate the leaders path to success through my focus on #LeadershipBranding.

Drop me a message at shivangi@shivangiwalke.com or to schedule a call with me please use : calendly.com/shivangi/15-mins-call

Here are 2 initiatives I have founded : www.thrivewithmentoring.com, a non-profit that catalyses women to women mentoring (currently present in 5 countries) and www.xponential.cc (through which I bring award winning leadership trainings such as Crucial Conversations and Power of Habit).