The Conversation

“How can you move on so quickly? Like if you never loved me? Like if I never mattered to you? Like if I never existed in your life? Like if whatever you said or did weren’t true?”, she asked all of her questions in one breath.

Its about 8 months that they broke up and then accidently met up in a cafe. Both of them were there to have there favorite coffee, all on their own. They both never expected to have met like that, while living in different cities. Sometimes, fate plays interesting games. They kept looking each other for a while, expecting someone to join them, until they realized that they both are still on their own and nobody is actually joining them. He didnt have the courage to stand up and talk, so she knew, she had to go to his table start talking, just like she always did.

She started looking at his face, without blinking an eye, waiting for all the unanswered questions she had been asking herself. His face didnt have anything, it was almost emotionless. He remained emotionless as long as he could and then a tear fell from his eye onto his diary. Without saying he turned some of the pages and then pushed the diary towards her to read.

“Tujhe chaha tujhe pooja, tujhe hi tor dala hai Jo bhi duaon main manga, bharam sab torr dala hai Nahi jo tu, tere lams ki kashish mehsoos hoti hai Hum ne apne hathon se hi, apna dil torr dala hai”

She couldn’t relate it for a while. But then she recalled that he used to write poetries. And this was the poem that he may have recently written. The date mentioned below the verse of about a week back. He didn’t know that he would be meeting her again. She didnt know what to respond. Those four lines answered most of her questions. He didn’t move on, he was still at the same place, still suffering, still using words to let his emotion out.

She had just one question left to ask.

“Why didnt you tell me? Why didnt you tell me that you were suffering too? Why didnt you tell me when I kept cursing you for being cold and emotionless and a lier?”, she asked again.

“Because I did not want to let you know. It was more of a choice. Despite all my endless love for you, there were things that forced me not to make you mine. I thought…….”, he stopped saying. That one tear converted into many and he was trying hard to stop his tears while failing miserably.

“You told that you had sleepless nights and you kept crying. You have no idea, how much I have cried. How much I cry.”, He stopped again. He had remained quite for 8 long months, not saying a word and all of a sudden he was losing it all. It happens with him all the time. Whenever she was around, he would always lose himself and become the real him. Not the person he portays him to be to the world, but the person he actually was.

“You know what? You only had the pain of losing me. But I had much more to suffer. First, I had the pain of losing you. Then, the guilt of hurting and betraying you like that. And the worst of all, not being able to tell you how much I was suffering. I just thought that it may makes your pain a little lighter. Just thinking of me as a villain……”

“Do you still miss me? Did you ever really love me?”, she stopped him in between. She was not interested in listening his explanation. She just wanted to ask this.

“Yes and yes, I still do. Each and every moment of my day, when I am awake. And when I sleep, I see you in my dreams”, He responded without thinking. He had nothing more to hide. She had nothing more to hear. All she wanted to know that she mattered. And his love for her wasn’t a lie. They remained silent for a while. She had much more to ask, but she preferred to remain silent for a while and give him some more time to recover and to let his tears stop rolling down his cheeks, as they ordered another cup of coffee.