The Conversation Equation

Last week, my husband Ron and I walked our dog Trevor in our neighborhood here on Cape Cod, when we came across a small posse of dog-loving kids. These guys couldn’t get enough of Trevor.

One boy, Tommy, told us how much he wanted a dog and all the reasons why his mom wouldn’t let him have a dog. His mom smiled at us from the deck, as he continued to throw her under the bus. 

Tommy then went on to tell us that he was seven years old and afraid of only two things in life. 

Without so much as taking a breath, he blurted out:

 “I’m afraid of dying and getting married!”

Ron and I just stood there and didn’t quite know what to say. Fortunately, Tommy quickly changed subjects, and we were able to avoid what would have been a very uncomfortable conversation. 

Some of you aren’t that lucky. 

Eventually, every leader is faced with having to have difficult workplace conversations. 

Chances are pretty good that you’re probably putting off having one of these conversations right now. 

The avoidance of difficult conversations has grown into a full-blown epidemic. According to workplace resource startup Bravely, a whopping 70 percent of employees avoid awkward conversations with their boss, colleagues, and direct reports. 

That’s just crazy!

The fact that so many people are avoiding conversations is having a HUGE impact on the health and well-being of organizations and their employees. Here’s how:

• A December 6, 2016 press release by VitalSmarts noted that every single conversation failure costs an organization $7,500 and more than seven workdays.
• An August 15, 2017 study, released by leadership development and conservation experts at Fierce, Inc., found that 53 percent of employees are handling “toxic” situations by ignoring them. By doing so, they are allowing toxic employees to continue to wreak havoc on the workplace.
• A July 2008 report published by CCP Human Capital, found that employees spend 2.8 hours per week dealing with difficult situations -- amounting to approximately $359 billion in paid hours. 

As a result, employee engagement and organizational trust are declining, while workplace stress is rising.

I’m on a mission to change this and hope you’ll join me. 

I’m excited to announce that I’ve just accepted an offer to publish my sixth book. The working title is The Conversation Equation: The Winning Formula for Navigating Difficult Work Situations, and the tentative publication date is September 2021.

The Conversation Equation isn’t going to be your typical book on what leaders need to say when delivering awful news. Nope. There are enough of those kinds of books to fill up a landfill. 

In The Conversation Equation, I’ll be looking at both sides of the conversation equation (hence the name!). 

It takes two people to have a conversation, although you wouldn’t know it when hearing how most challenging workplace conversations go.

Here’s what a typical workplace conversation sounds like, 

Boss: We need to talk.

Employee: Okay. 

Boss: You’re not meeting my expectations.

 Employee (sometimes looking bewildered): Uh, Okay.

Boss: I’m putting you on a performance improvement plan. You’ve got 90-days to turn things around.

Employee: Okay.

The manager leaves the conversation thinking, “Hey, that went pretty well!” The employee leaves thinking, “What the heck was that all about?” (Okay, maybe he’s thinking something else, which I can’t very well include here.)

This could have been a very productive conversation and an opportunity for both parties to hit the reset button. In this case, the boss should use a technique I call the Success Shuffle. The Success Shuffle is similar to the game of Shuffleboard; only instead of taking turns moving a disc, each participant receives a turn moving the conversation forward. 

The leader needs to take the initiative. “We need to talk. You’re not meeting my expectations,”  is like sending the first two discs flying off the board.

You need to start with a precision shot. For example, starting by highlighting something positive the employee has done recently is a better way to start the conversation off right. 

This will obviously be explained in much more detail, along with many other techniques, tips, and tricks you’ll learn in the new book.

As I’m researching this topic, I’ll be sharing what I learn along the way.

I’m excited to share with you my process and tips for approaching difficult conversations that before now, have been strictly reserved for my private executive advisory clients.

Anyways, I could use your help.

I’m looking for stories about some of the most challenging conversations you’ve had at work. 

You might be the initiator of the conversation, or maybe you were on the receiving end. I can shield your identity if you like. 

No topic is off the table here. 

To share your story, email me at [email protected] and put “Conversation Equation” in the subject line. I’ll be accepting the first round of submissions until August 15th.

As my thank you to you, if I end up using your story in the book, I’ll do a FREE 45-minute Executive Session, via Zoom, on the topic of difficult workplace conversations, for your senior management team upon publication.

I can’t wait to hear from you!