Conversation Between Alex and His Colleague: Exploring Adaptive Leadership

After his meeting with Jane, Alex felt he needed guidance on handling conflicts more effectively, not just with Jane but also with other stakeholders. He reached out to his colleague, Sarah, known for her ability to navigate conflicts with ease and composure. They met for coffee, and after a bit of small talk, Alex opened up about his struggles.

Alex: "I’ve been going through a rough patch with Jane, my project manager. No matter what I try, it feels like every conversation ends in a standoff. I’ve noticed you always seem to handle difficult situations smoothly. How do you do it?"

Sarah: "I get it, Alex. I’ve been in tough spots myself. Something that’s really helped me is using an adaptive leadership approach. It’s about being flexible, adjusting to challenges in real-time, and focusing on learning as you go."

Alex: "Adaptive leadership? I’ve heard that term, but I’m not sure what it really means."

Sarah: "Adaptive leadership is a framework that helps leaders—and really anyone—to tackle challenges that don’t have straightforward solutions. It’s about focusing on the bigger picture and helping everyone involved grow and adapt, instead of just pushing a quick fix. I think it might help with your situation with Jane. Instead of seeing it as a problem to solve, it’s a chance for both of you to learn something about how you work together."

Alex: "So… how do I start applying it? I don’t think Jane is the type to be ‘coached,’ if you know what I mean."

Sarah: "Well, the first part of adaptive leadership is actually looking inward. Try to separate the technical aspects of the issue—like missed deadlines—from the relational or adaptive parts, which are the underlying patterns, assumptions, and behaviors. For example, you might ask yourself, What assumptions am I making about Jane? Am I focusing too much on deadlines and missing something else important?"

Alex: "That’s interesting. I think I’ve been so focused on deadlines, I haven’t thought about why she’s pushing so hard. But won’t she see that as a weakness?"

Sarah: "Actually, she might see it as a strength. Adaptive leadership is about showing vulnerability and a willingness to learn. One book that really helped me understand this is 'Leadership on the Line' by Ronald Heifetz and Marty Linsky. They dive into what it takes to lead adaptively, like staying calm under pressure and resisting the urge to control everything. It also talks about maintaining perspective, so you’re not consumed by immediate frustrations."

Alex: "I could use some perspective! I’ll check out the book. But how do I actually bring this into a conversation with Jane?"

Sarah (in a coaching tone): "How about starting with curiosity instead of control? You could approach her by saying something like, 'I realize we’ve been clashing lately, and I’d like to understand your perspective better. Can you help me understand what’s most important to you on this project?' This way, you open the door to understanding her priorities rather than just defending your own."

Alex: "That sounds… different from my usual approach. But I think it might actually work. Thanks, Sarah."

Sarah: "Anytime, Alex. Just remember, adaptive leadership is a process. It’s not about solving the problem immediately; it’s about learning to approach challenges in new ways. Let me know how it goes—and if you want to chat after you read the book."

Reflection

In this conversation, Sarah uses a coaching approach, gently guiding Alex to consider adaptive leadership principles and offering practical steps he can take. By recommending "Leadership on the Line," she provides Alex with both theoretical grounding and actionable insights, helping him shift from a reactive to a more reflective, adaptive approach in handling conflict. This encourages Alex to focus on learning and flexibility, which are essential in navigating complex relational challenges in the workplace.