Controlling the Controllables: Lessons from the Pitch and the Office

It’s been a while since I wrote my last article for LinkedIn and there’s a good reason for that.?

I’ve recently found myself navigating a genuinely challenging situation, one that took me back to old (and sometimes unhelpful) habits and behaviours.?

Thankfully, in a fairly short space of time, I was able to realign my approach to focusing on the world class basics that I talk so often about, and was in a position to realistically define what I could and couldn’t control.?

Why am I sharing this??

I’m a big believer in sharing ‘the journey’ while you’re on it, not just when you’re looking back 5 or 10 years down the line through rose tinted glasses. My hope is that there are other leaders and aspiring leaders out there that can take some comfort, and perhaps even give themselves a kick up the proverbial, by realising that that they are not alone in this leadership journey.?

The Project

Over the last few months I’ve been leading the commercial integration element of a recent?acquisition?at RS. It’s a demanding and high profile project, and an opportunity I’m extremely grateful to have had.?

And it hasn’t been easy. I realised a few years ago that change and development started with me. And I made a lot of changes in my life. I began to exercise earnestly, I changed my diet, I set healthy work life boundaries like ‘no back to back calls’, and I worked hard at becoming the empathetic leader I knew I both wanted and needed to be, to better support my team.?

It wasn’t easy, but over time I found my rhythm and I became all the more productive for it.?

I started this new project with the very best of intentions, perhaps getting a little too preachy at times about the significance of transparency, time management, and staying in control of my schedule.?

Yet, amidst the demands of such a high-pressure project, I found myself backsliding into old habits.?

Old Habits?

I was suddenly in the back to back calls I swore I wouldn’t have, which we know isn’t a productive or sustainable way of delivering your best work and empathy, while a virtue, was leading me to accommodate others at the cost of my own productivity and well-being. In all honesty, the wheels came off, and it took me a good few weeks to realise I needed to make some changes, taking back a degree of control by being more assertive.

I admit, realising I’d slipped up wasn’t easy on my ego, but I think the greatest lesson from this project was the reminder that I could only control the controllables. In other words, I can’t control everything, and neither should I expect to.?

Losing sight of what I could control and then subsequently getting overwhelmed by what I couldn't control, was the root of the problem and led to feelings of frustration. It took me a while to remember that the key was not in trying to change or control these external variables, but it was in controlling how I chose to respond to them.?

Lessons from the Pitch

For the last 6 months I’ve been coaching my son’s under 10’s football team. Coaching an eager group of 10-year-olds is no small feat, particularly when things are not going their way during a match.?

There was one particular match where I swear, the opposing team had been coached in all kinds of wizardry; both positive and not so positive. Our boys were struggling to get a break, some mis-judged decisions were made by a young and developing referee, and the boys were angry and deflated to say the least.?

That half time talk was all about helping them to understand what they could and what they couldn’t control, and how to apply themselves by staying focused. They couldn’t control the other team’s behaviour, they couldn't control the referees decisions, but they could control how they chose to respond in that moment.??

The resilience I was trying to nurture in these young players turned out to be the lesson I needed to hear myself.?

When faced with adversity, these kids learned to adapt and control their aggression and to correctly channel their frustration. They focused on their performance, getting back to their footballing basics rather than external factors. I had let frustration trigger my own unproductive behaviours, and understanding that was the first step in getting back on track.?

Back to Basics

The turning point came when I reminded myself of the importance of returning to the basics. In football, it was about the team focusing on their roles and performance. For me, it was about managing what I could control, letting go of the rest, and seeking solutions within my grasp.?

In moments of stress and pressure, I honestly believe it’s crucial to return to the fundamentals. When things go awry and external circumstances appear uncontrollable, we can regain our composure and strength (and in my case, productivity) through simplifying and focusing on the basics. And then, by being the best?at doing them!?

Who Is Lee?

Lee Kilminster is Commercial Director for RS’ EMEA Distributor Partners & Export Solutions. In his personal time you’ll see him walking to the sounds of the High Performance Podcast, hanging out with his 10 year old son and enjoying a whisky (but perhaps not all at the same time).