Control vs. Influence: How Upbringing Shapes Leadership Styles

Introduction?: Years ago, I found myself leading a team through a crisis. Resources were scarce, tensions were high, and failure seemed imminent. At that moment, I realized that control and dominance would only exacerbate the situation. Instead, I chose to listen, understand, and empower my team. That experience taught me a crucial lesson: true leadership is not about ruling over others, but about lifting them up. In this article, I explore how my upbringing and experiences have shaped this leadership philosophy, contrasting it with the control-driven approach exemplified by Elon Musk. Through this comparison, I aim to highlight the transformative power of empathy, ethical grounding, and systemic improvement in effective leadership.

The Roots of Leadership: Upbringing and Environment?Our formative years play a pivotal role in shaping who we become as leaders. Elon Musk grew up in a wealthy family in apartheid-era South Africa—a society structured by racial and economic hierarchies. This environment likely ingrained a worldview centered on dominance and control, where leadership is about maintaining power and driving results at all costs. In contrast, my childhood was marked by poverty and emotional abuse in Northern Virginia, where I witnessed the active rejection of racism. These experiences forced me to develop empathy as a survival skill and instilled a deep commitment to equity and systemic change. Where Musk’s upbringing may have reinforced hierarchies, mine taught me to dismantle them.

Contrasting Leadership Styles: Dominance vs. Empathy?These formative experiences naturally influence how we lead. For Musk, a background of privilege and hierarchy has led to a leadership style often characterized by force—demanding obedience, pushing teams to extremes, and prioritizing rapid execution. While this approach can drive innovation, it risks burnout, alienation, and ethical blind spots. In contrast, my leadership is rooted in influence—setting an example, prioritizing teamwork, and improving systems rather than dominating them. For me, leadership is about fostering trust and collective ownership, which are essential for sustainable success. Consider this: ? A dominance-driven leader might demand overtime to meet a deadline, risking team morale. ? An empathy-driven leader might seek input on workload distribution, ensuring the team feels heard and valued. Which approach builds stronger, more resilient teams in the long run?

Ethics and Systemic Influences: ?Our upbringing not only shapes our leadership styles but also our ethical compasses. Growing up in a society structured by racial hierarchies, Musk may subconsciously view ethics through a lens of power dynamics—pushing boundaries until consequences demand a retreat. This approach can lead to innovation, but also to ethical lapses that erode trust. In contrast, witnessing the rejection of racism in my community reinforced my belief in equity as a foundational ethical principle. For me, ethics are not a boundary to test, but a grounding force that ensures technology and leadership serve people rather than exploit them. Our environments also shape how we address systemic issues. Musk’s upbringing in a stratified society may have normalized inequality, while mine taught me to challenge it. As leaders, we must ask ourselves: Are we perpetuating harmful systems, or are we working to dismantle them?

The Path Forward: Change and Growth?Despite these differences, change is possible. Musk, like anyone, is shaped by unresolved aspects of his past. A deep personal reckoning could unlock new perspectives, allowing him to embrace empathy and systemic improvement. As leaders, we must recognize that our past shapes us, but it does not define us. By committing to personal growth, we can evolve and lead with greater humanity. This journey requires: ? Self-reflection: How has my background shaped my leadership style? ? Empathy: Am I listening to and valuing diverse perspectives? ? Systemic change: Am I addressing inequities within my sphere of influence? These steps are not easy, but they are essential for creating a future where leadership serves not just the few, but the many.

Conclusion?: As I reflect on my leadership journey, I am reminded that true leadership is not about wielding power, but about empowering others. While control may yield short-term gains, it is empathy and systemic improvement that create lasting impact. As we navigate an increasingly complex world, let us choose to lead with humanity, ethics, and a commitment to equity. After all, leadership is not just about achieving results—it’s about building a better future for everyone.

Hashtags:?#Leadership #Ethics #Empathy #SystemicChange #PersonalGrowth