Control – the secret of business or even life happiness?

I remember reading Brian Tracy many years ago, and he suggested that the happiness in one’s life is directly proportional to the amount of “control” in one’s life.

It was a bold suggestion and I have spent many years debating this internally, concluding that there is a serious argument to support his suggestion. 

When are you at your happiest? The answer is different for everyone, but some generic examples may be: when you have just achieved something, or when you just got a new job or promotion or when the woman/man of your dreams just called you back and asked you out on a date. Or maybe a time when you could do what you wanted with no monetary limitations – these are all times that you probably felt in control of the particular situation and of your life.

Conversely, I think the concept becomes even more clear when you are not in control and possibly less happy. Again some generic examples may be: when you have not achieved what you set out to do, or when you were not recognised at work for that promotion or new job, or when that woman/man of your dreams did not call you back, or when you could not do what you wanted due to monetary limitations or other reasons. These are all examples of times when you probably did not feel in control of the situation and of your life.

What does this really mean? - Does it mean that if you choose a career where you are dependant on other people, the subsequent lack of control will make your life unhappier? 

Looking at careers that are dependant on other people or external influences (I realise that at some level we are all dependent on other people in life, but let's look at the most obvious). Take an actress/actor starting off: They are dependent on other people to decide whether they are successful in an audition and ultimately they are letting other people decide their life path – as opposed to the director on the other side of fence that is in charge of the choosing. Who is happier in this scenario? 

Has the actor/actress handed the control of their career path to someone else? From intimate knowledge from best friends having been in this position, I know it can be a very unhappy time. But interestingly, if they get that role or part, the joy can be overwhelming as they have now been given the control back. Could this be why becoming a professional, such as a lawyer or doctor, is seen as leading to a better happier career? Because if they study hard, which is in their control, they will be in control of their career?

Think about a time when have you been really unhappy or even depressed. Your favourite sports team lost the final, or maybe a more extreme event like the the death of close one? Was it unhappy because you had no control over the situation? 

Is the latter why we have religion? To feel that no mater what happens in this life, we will be going to better place when we die, allowing us to think we have control over our ultimate destiny.

What about the CEO that is faced with the opportunity of growing their company rapidly, but to do so she/ he must delegate or assign key roles to other staff? If the above is true, will that CEO be giving up some of their happiness too? If this decision has been forced on them, for example the CEO has been told to do something by an investor, then that in itself means control has been taken away from him, which most likely will cause stress/unhappiness). However, if the CEO believes or interprets the situation that it was their choice, then nothing changes. This is so important in management; letting the managed believe that they choose or implemented the idea themselves. Good management is so much about empowering people, making them believe that they have the control of their role.

If all the above is true, then it begs the question – what is control? – obviously the interpretation will be different from one person to the next, it is subjective and I think that is the key.

If that is the case, then why not change your perception of what control is? Take for an example the man/women of your dreams that never called you back. If you can justify in your own mind that he/she was not actually right for you, then you have your control back and with it, the proportional happiness. 

Can you interpret any situation to allow you to remain in control? Yes, some people believe that when things do not go their way, that it was not in God’s or the Universes’ plan. This interpretation, takes their ‘lack of control’ out of the situation, and these people are often the happiest. The belief in a “predetermined fate” can be an essential safety valve or coping mechanism for highly stressful situations.

If you have a fear of flying for example, the next time you get the on a plane, acknowledge that it is out of your control to avoid a crash. Knowing this, takes the lack of control out of the situation by realising that whatever happens is in God’s or the Universes’ plan. 

Finally, I think Brian Tracy’s suggestion has a lot merit, but with caution; you cannot control everything, we don't have the power to control other people, and trying to do so is setting yourself up for heartache and unhappiness. The truth is, we can't control anything outside of ourselves or our interpretation of an event, but that in itself is very powerful and knowing it, can accomplish great things and bring great happiness. 

Maybe the key is to lessen your expectations of what you can control, and when in a situation where you have a real “lack of being in control”, give it over to God, the Universe or get the hell out of that situation!