In Control of My Life!

Has been my mantra for years.

There is so much change and so many things being thrown at us that it can feel like everything is out of control!

It feels like we’re constantly treading water, trying to keep afloat, barely saving ourselves from drowning!

But there is so much you can do to control what happens to you.

Manage your response

The ancient philosophy of Stoicism teaches that while you can’t control everything that happens to you, you can control how you respond.

In essence, you have to focus your energy and attention on things you can control – your thoughts, emotions, and actions.

How you react to the uncontrollable elements that life throws at you can significantly shape your journey.

For example, you can’t control the rainy weather on that special day you planned at the beach, but you can choose to go with it anyway, wear a raincoat or carry an umbrella and see the amazing waves that the wind kicks up. Or pop into the quaint boutiques and little coffee shops that surround the shoreline and revel in the personalized service you will receive because you’re the only one out on a blustery grey day!

Some things may be more difficult to control than others, but you always have a choice in how you respond. If you aren’t in a life-threatening situation, take a few deep, calming breaths and assess the issue calmly:

• What is the problem?
• Is it transient (short-term)?
• Can I do anything about it?
• What can I do now?
• How can I manage it in the future?

Learning to control your response allows you to navigate challenges with greater calm and resilience.

Manage intense feelings

Difficult situations often create intense feelings such as anger, rage, frustration, despair, and a sense of powerlessness.

Suppressing these emotions or convincing yourself that it's wrong to experience them only buries the feelings deeper, potentially causing a more explosive outburst later on. Understanding these emotions and developing strategies for handling them when they arise is crucial.

When confronted with intense feelings, allow yourself some time before reacting. Taking a moment to pause before you respond can assist in tempering your reaction and stopping you from saying or doing something you might regret in the future.

• Take a deep breath
• Give yourself some physical distance from the situation
• Recognize the impact your intense feelings will have on others
• Ask yourself why you are feeling the way that you do and determine how you can handle things calmly

Pausing to reflect before letting your emotions drive your reactions aids in exerting more control over your responses, leading to more positive outcomes.

Be prepared

One of the things that has helped me is to be prepared. If I feel I can do something, I feel calmer and more in control.

When something terrible is barreling down on you, you need to act fast and that means being prepared. Being prepared for everyday set-backs is important too! Lack of preparedness creates high levels of stress and anxiety and makes it difficult to make necessary decisions.

Here's some of the lessons in preparedness I learned the hard way!

• Always carry two EPIPEN? in case of food or insect sting anaphylaxis (Haven’t had to use them in more than 10 years, but I’d much rather have them expire than be without)
• HEPA filters for smoke from wildfires. (After a summer of toxic air days from drifting wildfire smoke HEPAs are a must. Fortunately, I haven’t had to flee.)
• Copy of all critical documents, numbers and member numbers in print form in a ‘go-bag’ and in a secure cloud-based password keeper (passport, driver's license, health care information, car insurance, travel insurance, emergency contacts for lost or stolen cards or ID, etc.)
• 5 days of in-case medication
• Emergency car kit
• Flashlights, solar lights, blankets, a couple of dehydrated meals, bottled water
• Snacks, clothing, and extra meds in my carry-on bag for disruptions in travel

And it’s not just for physical emergencies; it’s for business as well!

• Backup all my files weekly in case of a computer failure
• Webinar presentation, phone charged and data tethering ready to go in case of internet failure
• Running a webinar, in-person presentation or conference, think of all the things that could go wrong and prepare (sick speaker, registrants can't get into session, cancellations, a hotel staff strike (the insanity of cleaning up debris on tables and laying fresh linen ??))
• Project proposal with a strict submission deadline; get it done early
• In-person conference presentation, fly in the day before
• Presentation on a memory stick and in the cloud in case the computer fails

And the lists go on....

Whatever your emergencies or very difficult unexpected situations you’ve faced in the past, BE PREPARED!

And it doesn’t have to be an emergency. Anything that doesn’t go the way that you expect it to can cause stress and anxiety. Identify the issues and be prepared for the same or similar issues in the future!

You can control the unexpected!

Change your mindset

Constantly focusing on the negative side of circumstances only amplifies and fortifies their adverse outcomes.

This isn't about downplaying a situation or denying its existence, but taking a mental step back and viewing it from a fresh angle could be beneficial.

And it isn’t about toxic positivity; sometimes, there isn’t a positive aspect of a situation; it just is.

Negative stories become stronger and more persuasive the more we reinforce them. It's easy to let our negative narratives spiral out of control and convince ourselves that we cannot change a situation.

Step back, manage your emotions and learn to accept what you can’t change.

Acceptance

Sometimes, we can’t control things no matter how hard we try. We need to learn to accept things we cannot change.

Acceptance is about acknowledging that certain things are beyond our control.

This is not about resignation or defeat but distinguishing between what we can change and what we must learn to accept gracefully.

It may involve grieving and sadness for your inability to change a situation, but when you accept the situation, you are better equipped to handle it.

Take control of your life!

Life is full of many ups and downs and uncontrollable events, but remember, you are in control!

The only real control you have in life is over yourself – how you think, feel, and respond.

Focusing on how you respond can transform your experience from constant reaction to controlled, mindful action!

Remember, you're in control of your life!

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