On Control

Do you feel "in control?" Me, I haven't. Not for a while.

I'm just about to turn 43, so maybe this is my midlife crisis. I have no idea.

But what I do know is... somewhere along the way, I lost control.

What do I mean by control, exactly? I can't recall where I first heard this, but:

Control means having the power and ability to make decisions that positively influence your life and the lives of others.

So yes, in some ways by that definition I do have some control. Lots, perhaps.

But I also feel out of control. Of course, like many I have no shortage of excuses.

So. Many. Excuses. But, at times, no *feeling* of control.

The lack of control boiled over to the point that I quit my job at Refine Labs , on a team I truly respect and where I was making a great income.

Because I didn't have the energy to continue. That's it. Tank empty.

When you surrender control, when your energy finally fails, everything changes.

When you run out of gas, every suggestion becomes micromanagement.

Every new podcast, just another pointless listen as you push through your walk.

Every new post, yet another trip to the cringe factory to juice your follower count.

Food loses its taste. Sunsets, their glow. Negativity can become inescapable.

Thankfully, control isn't something that is lost forever. You can take it back.

Control, for revenue professionals, is hard, but important.

Feeling in control, or maintaining frame, is essential for revenue professionals. Whether you're a CMO, CRO or just a demand gen manager trying to drive demos... alot can cause you to feel out of control.

Market uncertainties, mass layoffs, bank meltdowns, endless media negativity, indecisive buyers stretching sales cycles, relentless competition, fear of external pressures like AI, internal politics and struggles... it goes on.

In my career, I've consulted, advised, interviewed, spoken to, and sold to thousands of entrepreneurs and leaders. And a great many of them struggle with balancing control.

But you need at least some control. You have to set and commit to strategies. You have to make decisions. For some, you must lead people, and they may be spiralling out of control in a variety of ways.

You probably already know all the "self-help book" ways to solve a lot of this.

"Work-life balance!" "Delegation!" "Clear goal setting!" "Celebrate small wins!"

Yeah, that's all great. But it's table stakes.

If you're like me, perhaps feeling a little out of control, regardless of privilege:

1. Take a breather from consumption, and instead, try creating. Get out a pen, a laptop, a microphone, a video camera, whatever you are comfortable with, and get it out. What you're reading right now? Trust me, even writing this little post has been cathartic, and a grand total of twelve people might read it.
2. Put your own damn oxygen mask on. You've heard this silly analogy, but it's true. One of my core values is to give without expectation of return... yet, there is an absolutely endless supply of people who will take from you with no regard to your wellbeing. So, take care of yourself. In my experience, nobody else is going to.
3. Eliminate dependencies, crutches and addictions. You know the ones I mean. Get rid of them. Even if you think you have control, that they're not invading your personal or professional life, that can change in a heartbeat. When you're losing control elsewhere, these can seize control of everything very quickly and cause ruin.
4. If you work from home, get out of the house. The last time I worked in an office regularly was in 2016. And, candidly, this is my single biggest source of depression. The number of non-family-member people I've spent time with in the past year, I can probably count on one hand. If this is you, please, give it a try. Take your Zoom calls elsewhere. Go out and be in public. Even if it's just dragging your laptop out to a coffee shop. Be around other humans.

And, finally, most importantly:

1. Get yourself a mentor, advisor or peer-experience group. When I worked at Entrepreneurs' Organization in the '00s, I met hundreds of EO members. Without question, every single one of them testified that their Forum group -- a group of 8-10 fellow entrepreneurs that meet in a confidential, closed-door environment for peer experience sharing -- was the most important benefit of the organization. By far.

Find an accountabilabuddy, Join a collective. Start a podcast! I did this with The BC Startup Show a while back, because I was craving social contact with entrepreneurs so badly.

Or, hire an advisor. Not a coach. A coach is someone who works with you to improve one aspect of your game that you've identified to be lacking.

If you're drifting, feeling like you've lost control, need to regain that power and ability to positively influence the outcomes of others around you, you need a consultative advisor.

Someone who's been through the river of ?? and can tell you how to get to the other side. I'll be available soon, but not yet.

First, I have to keep fitting my own oxygen mask, and then taking a few good deep breaths.