Control the Controllable: Transformative Lessons on Love, Letting Go, and Productivity

Introduction

2024 is coming to an end. It’s that time of the year again—when we pause, reflect, and ask ourselves:

• “How much have I grown this year?”
• “What lessons shaped, challenged, and made me better?”

Growth doesn’t always come from significant milestones. Sometimes, it comes from quiet moments—conversations that linger, frustrations that teach, and realisations that shift our perspective forever.

This year, four such moments transformed me:

• A reminder to stop overanalysing love and start expressing it.
• The strength to let go of what I cannot control.
• A lesson on mastering emotions without letting drama take over.
• And the wisdom to delegate, to ask ‘Who?’ instead of ‘How?’, unlocking time for what truly matters.

These lessons didn’t come quickly. They came from moments of doubt, frustration, and reflection. But they stayed, changing how I live, work, and grow.

So, as you read, ask yourself:

• “Am I digging too deep in relationships where love could be shown?”
• “What guilt am I carrying for things beyond my control?”
• “Where am I letting emotional drama steal my peace?”
• “Am I holding on to tasks that someone else could do better?”

Four stories. Four lessons. One journey—towards a calmer, wiser, and more intentional version of myself.

Let’s reflect together.

1. Stop Digging: When Love Becomes Overanalysis

It was one of those nights.

The phone buzzed—a short, formal message. A full stop at the end. It felt... off. My mind kicked into overdrive.

• “Why did she sound distant?”
• “Is something wrong? Did I do something?”

I stared at the screen, replaying her words in my mind. My thoughts spiralled: assumptions, doubts, imagined scenarios. All because of one message.

The Misjudgment

Long-distance relationships are fragile, not because love is absent but because silences speak louder than words. The missing intonation. The unseen expressions. And the gap between what is said and what we think is meant.

Days later, I shared this with my mentor, trying to explain:

• “I just want to understand why she feels this way.” He paused, smiled knowingly, and said something that hit me:
• “Why are you digging so much?”
• “Digging?” I asked, confused.
• “Yes. Stop overanalysing every word. You’ll dig and dig until you hit a wall. Instead, focus on creating. Express love. Show care. That’s where relationships grow.”

The Realisation

He was right. In my attempt to understand everything, I created problems that didn’t exist. Overanalysis was replacing love with doubt.

So, I stopped digging. Instead, I started showing.

The Shift

I sent a voice note: “Just wanted to say I miss you. Hope your day is as beautiful as you are.” Her reply came quickly:

• “That made my day! I needed this.”

No overthinking. No assumptions. Just love expressed simply.

How often do we look for problems where none exist? Are we analysing love when we should be showing it?

"We waste time looking for the perfect lover, instead of creating the perfect love." – Tom Robbins.

Takeaway

Stop digging. Start creating.

2. Control the Controllable: The Frustration of Helplessness

It was a quiet meeting room.

The air felt heavy. I sat at the far end of the table, my thoughts swirling. We were discussing a treatment plan—a decision I knew was flawed. It wasn’t a matter of opinion; it was about consequences. I knew the risks. I knew the harm it could cause.

I cleared my throat and spoke up.

• “I don’t think this plan is right. The patient’s condition needs a different approach.”

Silence.

The room paused momentarily, but then the discussion continued as if I hadn’t spoken.

• “Let’s proceed as planned,” my superior said, dismissing my concern.

Frustration.

I sat there, trying to hold it together. My mind was racing:

• “Why aren’t they listening?”
• “Am I not clear enough?”
• “What if something goes wrong? I’ll feel responsible.”

Guilt. Powerlessness. A knot in my stomach that wouldn’t go away.

The Breaking Point

That evening, I couldn’t stop replaying the moment. I felt small. Irrelevant. A part of me wanted to scream, “I told you so!” Another part whispered, “Maybe it’s not your place.”

I shared my frustration with a trusted colleague the next day. He listened patiently and said something I needed to hear:

• “We can control the controllable. The rest is beyond us.”

I stared at him.

• “What does that mean?” I asked.
• “It means you can give your opinion, share your expertise, and do your best. But beyond that? You cannot control what others choose to do.”

The Realisation

His words hit hard. I had done my part. I had spoken up. Beyond that, the decision wasn’t in my control. Carrying guilt for someone else’s actions was only deepening my frustration.

Control the controllable. Let go of the rest.

That day, I made peace with three truths:

1. I can only control my actions, not others’ reactions.
2. My role is to give my best—clearly and honestly.
3. Worrying about what’s out of my hands will only hurt me.

The Shift

From that moment on, my mindset changed. In meetings, I still share my concerns—calmly and clearly. I no longer let their dismissal weigh me down. Knowing I've done my part confidently, I’ve learned to move forward.

Dialogue with Myself:

• “Did you do your best?”
• “Yes.”
• “Then let it go.”

How often do you carry the burden of things beyond your control?

• Are you holding guilt for someone else’s choices?
• Are you letting frustration steal your peace?

Let go. Focus on what you can change. The rest will follow.

?“Do what you can, with what you have, where you are.” – Theodore Roosevelt

Takeaway:

Control the controllable. Accept the rest.

3. Emotion, Yes; Emotional Drama, No

It was supposed to be the perfect trip.

The bags were packed. Tickets double-checked. We had planned this vacation for months—time away from work, responsibilities, and stress. A chance to breathe.

And then it happened.

We were already halfway to the airport when I froze.

• “Where’s the document folder?” I asked, my voice uncertain.
• My spouse looked at me, concerned: “You packed it, right?”
• I gulped. “I thought… you had it.”

The Shift in Atmosphere

The silence was louder than any argument. Frustration crept in.

• “How could you forget? Seriously? We’re going to miss everything now!”

My mind spiralled. I could feel my temper bubbling up. I wanted to defend myself. To argue back. But then I paused. Emotion, yes. Emotional drama, no.

The Breaking Point

I remembered Mahatria’s words:

• “Emotion is natural. But emotional drama steals the moment. Be calm. Respond, don’t react.”

I took a deep breath and said:

• “Okay, what’s next? Do we have time to turn back? Or do we find another way?”

My spouse stared at me, still annoyed. But the energy shifted. Instead of shouting, we searched for solutions.

• She said: “We can call a friend to pick it up, maybe?”
• I nodded: “Perfect. Let’s try that.”

Suddenly, the problem felt smaller. Manageable.

The Turning Point

We laughed about it later—how close we came to ruining the trip over a mistake. Because here’s the truth: mistakes happen. Emotions will arise. But when we let drama take over, we lose the moment.

The Realisation:

• I could have chosen to argue.
• I could have chosen to sulk. Instead, I chose calm.

It wasn’t easy. But it was worth it.

How often do we let emotions spiral into unnecessary drama?

• When someone forgets something, do we blame or solve it?
• When frustrations rise, do we react impulsively or take a breath?

Drama doesn’t fix the problem. It only deepens it.

“Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space lies our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” – Viktor Frankl.

Takeaway

Emotion is human. Drama is optional.

4. From ‘How’ to ‘Who’: The Power of Delegation

It was 11 p.m.

I sat in front of my laptop, a half-edited video playing on the screen. Beside it, a half-written post stared back at me. My desk was cluttered with to-do lists and sticky notes.

• Website updates.
• Video editing.
• Content design.

I sighed. My eyes were tired. My mind? Exhausted.

The Realisation

I thought about the countless hours I had spent learning the basics of everything:

• I knew how to design a website.
• I knew how to edit videos.
• I even knew how to draft perfect posts.

But here I was—stuck, overwhelmed, and falling behind.

That’s when a line from “Who Not How” by Dan Sullivan and Dr. Benjamin Hardy came back to me:

• “Stop asking ‘How can I do this?’ Start asking ‘Who can help me with this?’”

I paused.

Why was I trying to do everything myself? Was my time being spent on what truly mattered?

The Turning Point

The next day, I made a decision. I stopped asking, “How?” and started asking, “Who?”

I hired a small team:

• A designer to handle the website.
• A video editor to manage content.
• Someone to assist with data collection and administrative tasks.

At first, it felt strange.

• “What if they don’t do it like I would?”
• “What if this costs me more?”

But I took a leap of faith.

The Shift

Over time, I noticed the changes:

1. The website was better than I could have imagined.
2. The videos were polished and professional.
3. I finally had time to focus on what mattered—my expertise, surgeries, and growing my impact.

One evening, after finishing work early, I sat with a cup of tea and reflected. Delegating freed not only my time but also my mind.

I had created space:

• To think.
• To focus.
• To improve.

The Conversation That Stuck

The next time someone asked how I managed so much, I smiled and said:

• “It’s not about how I do it. It’s about who helps me do it.”

Because we can’t grow if we cling to everything. We can’t excel if we refuse to trust others.

Are you doing tasks that someone else could do better?

• What would happen if you freed your time to focus on your strengths?
• Who could help you achieve faster?

Sometimes, growth isn’t about working harder. It’s about working smarter.

“If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together.” – African Proverb.

Takeaway

Stop asking, “How?”. Start asking, “Who?”. Delegate. Focus. Grow.

Conclusion: Lessons That Echo into Growth

This year, four powerful moments changed me. Each conversation, each realisation, was a quiet nudge toward becoming a better version of myself:

1. Stop Digging—Love isn’t meant to be analysed; it’s meant to be expressed.
2. Control the Controllable—Frustration fades when we let go of what’s beyond our reach.
3. Emotion, Yes; Emotional Drama, No—Mistakes happen, but calm responses build connections.
4. From ‘How’ to ‘Who’—Delegating frees time, sharpens focus, and unlocks growth.

These moments were not easy.

They came through frustration, fatigue, and moments of questioning myself, but they taught me to pause, reflect, and shift my approach.

Growth doesn’t come in grand gestures. It comes in the small, consistent ways we learn to handle life—

• By loving without overthinking.
• By accepting what we can’t change.
• By responding with calm, not chaos.
• By trusting others to help us go further.

A Reflection for You

As 2024 ends, take a moment to look back. Ask yourself:

• What conversations changed me this year?
• Am I overanalysing relationships instead of expressing love?
• What frustration am I holding for things I cannot control?
• Am I letting emotional drama take over calm solutions?
• Who can help me focus on what I do best?

Final Thought

Growth isn’t about perfection. It’s about learning, unlearning, and choosing better—one moment at a time.

So, what will you be able to carry forward into the new year?

“Small changes create big growth. Start with one.”