Content with Discontentedness

Lately, I’ve noticed a level of discontentedness with my coaching clients. “I should be doing more. I should be getting more.” The whole idea of more erupts, followed by comparing and contrasting. Invariably, the “I suck” internal conversation follows. “I’m not doing enough” or “This shit doesn’t work.” It’s all bubbling up around the edges.

Here’s a simple statement with an underlying deep message: Be content with discontentedness. The push back I hear is, “Ken, I just want to be happy. Things are good, but it doesn’t feel right. I just want to be happy!” Here’s the bad news: That’s just not possible. It is not possible to be happy, which I state tongue-in-cheek. Why? If you’re reading this, you are not wired like most people. You’re not wired to be content. You’re wired achieve. It’s the motive power. You and your clients are the ones who produce and move the world. You are rare. That’s the good news.

You always know that things can improve – get more clients, catch bigger fish, fly faster planes. More is always available, and you’re wired to climb the mountain to get it. There’s big distinction between those who climb mountains and those who hang out in the fields. You’re the former, and as such, you must become content with discontentedness.

Why do people climb mountains? Standard answer – because they’re there. Silly answer, but this was the frustrated answer Sir Edmund Hillary gave reporters after summitting Mt. Everest. The real reason people climb mountains is because it is hard. There’s a challenge. It calls forth more of your potential. It’s the struggle, and it’s the pursuit of the challenge that brings folks like you and me contentedness.?

When the mountain climber reaches the top, it’s obvious that the mountain is part of a range. (Singular mountains are volcanoes. Scaling those is a bad idea. Don’t.) Now, when the mountain climber reaches the top and sees the other peaks, he does not whine and complain and stomp back down. He takes in the awesomeness of the view and is happy that there are yet more mountains to climb.

As an achiever, content with discontentedness is rooted in always knowing that you have to be achieving something. You must choose the next mountain to climb because that’s how you’re wired. It’s about the “pursuit of.” The pursuit is what matters… as long as you are pursing by design, not by default.?

That said, I’ll add that business is a game that can never be won, only played. “If I can’t win, why continue to play?” That’s the bigger question. When you’re in a comfy, cozy place, why change anything? How do the elite become “elitier”? It’s through passion – they enjoy playing the game. They enjoy the challenge and the discontentedness. That may seem to make no sense.

Consider the one who’s passionate about fishing. He spends on gear and boats and probably spends $2,000 to catch $20 pounds worth of fish. That makes no sense. He could just go buy it. And it’s called fishing, not catching, and that’s not even mentioning the catch-and-release approach. Ditto to hunting – it’s not called killing, it’s called hunting. And it makes no sense… unless you choose it to make sense, and then everything makes sense.?

In everything, nothing makes sense unless you choose it to make sense. As another example, why would you choose to do your own plumbing? You can hire it out, quite easily. However, if you’re passionate about doing it yourself and taking pride in the outcome, then it makes sense. The same is true for hiring a coach. It doesn’t make sense if you believe you can do it yourself.?

Once you choose it to make sense, the way is revealed. Ultimately, it’s about the way because that is where refining and engagement occur.?

When you are traveling on the way, you need a cadence to maintain your optimal state. What is your own cadence, and by that I mean appointment load per day? How often are you in the mix, and what’s the right balance for that? You may think that snagging loads of appointments can make for a great week or month; however, you’ll discover that it messes with your equilibrium. You lose your equilibrium, and you’ve forgotten that the game can’t be won, only played. Business is a continuum. The work never ends. No matter how much work you do, there will always be more work to do. The more work you can do, the more work you get. The cycle continues and default takes over.

You must create a cadence that works – a rhythm or a harmony. If you continue to pile on because you can, you are on the path to burning out. If you fail to create your own design and operate by default instead, I am certain you do not have a cadence, certainly not one that’s working.?

Remember what needs to be remembered and stay focused on your design. Your mind is always going to go someplace, and you control whether it goes by design or default. Your brain is designed to solve problems. Wherever your attention goes, everything else follows. It’s back to being content with discontentedness. When you accept that you must be content with discontentedness, it takes you to the next level, whatever that may be.

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