Consulting with a Stone

The hardest part of consulting is coping successfully with resistance from the client. Resistance doesn't always happen, but when it does, it is puzzling and frustrating.

As consultants, we can develop skills to deal with resistance but every once in a while we meet our match. Our consultation is flawless, yet our progress with the client is in a nosedive.

As a way of coping with our despair and frustration, here's a list of 16 different ways to consult with a stone.

1. Don't look for approval, emotional support, or affection.
2. Don't expect the responsibility to be shared 50/50. Stones dump it all on you.
3. Expect argument and criticism.
4. Don't ask for the client's feelings or express your own feelings.
5. Do ask the client for understanding. Don't ask for agreement.
6. Let the client have a lot of control over the procedure used in the project.
7. Minimize elaborating or explaining the data. Justification makes it worse.
8. Give the client support.
9. Don't take the response you are getting personally.
10. Don't get hooked; avoid details.
11. Hope the client may learn from this project later, after you are gone. You are not going to get closure from the project now.
12. Show confidence.
13. Look for comic relief.
14. Remember the stone's anxiety is over losing control.
15. Keep moving.
16. Avoid stones whenever possible.

There aren't many real stones out there. If the stone client stays a stone client, minimize your investment in the project; don't pressure yourself to be heroic. And finally, do what you can to not become a stone. That can happen if you are around them too much.

"Consulting with a Stone" is from the best-selling book Flawless Consulting, by Peter Block. If you are interested in learning more about how to handle the resistance of your own "stone clients," join Designed Learning for an upcoming Flawless Consulting public workshop soon.

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