Constructive Discharge: a suicide

This evening I found out that a friend of mine took his own life. He was a cop, a Trooper, a friend, husband, and father. A very good cop. A great investigator who worked hard for the people of NY State and mostly those in the New York City area. I won't trouble you with the details but he made a dumb mistake a few years ago, got punished, and moved on with his career. He didn't commit any crimes or violate peoples rights, he just made a dumb mistake, and pissed people off. People who took it upon themselves to make it personal for their own benefit and not let him move on despite his best efforts. Unfortunately it happens at very job. Silly stuff that others take as an opportunity to build themselves up. Tear down someone else so you look good...disgusting and very poor leadership!

He worked for a while but "the job" made life so miserable for him that he called it quits, retired in good standing just this year. That means that he took his lumps, stayed at work, and did the job like a good soldier without any issues. He then retired without anything hanging over his head, respectfully and honorably. He should have just rode off into he sunset. Problem was, he left his career of 24 years as a self imposed pariah based on the treatment he received. He believed that everyone knew his shame and he was forced off the job due to the treatment he received. See the definition of "constructive discharge" below. This is real folks. Very real.

He looked for work and tried to do something public safety related. He didn't know anything else. He was a classmate of mine at the State Police Academy and we kept in touch over the years. Great guy. Played drums for the bag pipe band from he beginning of the program and was a very proud member of the Long Gray Line! This is what NY State Troopers call ourselves due to our gray uniforms. He, like all of us, love our job and what it stands for day after day. Job loved him too, til he pissed off a few people, and previous supporters turned their backs to appease those in power. Disgusting, spineless colleagues.

I spoke with him a few times recently as he was trying to make it on the other side, in the private sector. We talked about building a LinkedIn profile, how to search, write a resume and more. Transitioning from the military and law enforcement can be very difficult. Our skills are so universal yet grossly misunderstood and undervalued. We can talk to anyone. Build a rapport with anyone. Sell anything and be the calm in the storm. Work with tyrants and push overs. Be the neutral third party and listen to a liar as if they were telling the truth. We can read anyone and know what they are all about. Be a chameleon and get the job done. Mission oriented. Interviewing, pfft! Easy!

I've been fortunate with my choices and have transitioned pretty well. We talked and he was on the path to a new life. He was prepared to tackle his challenges with vigor! We connected again last week and he said he found a good job. I was excited for him. We agreed to stay in touch and continue his growth. Until today. Another classmate called to tell me the news.

In the end, military and law enforcement experience something that I believe is unique to these fields. It's sad really because the finest examples of leadership are developed in these fields. We breed the best leaders for our society. The titans of finance, business, and technology. The greatest generals and the bravest soldiers that generate the stories told for generations. Movies are made about the unsung heroes. Unfortunately, we also breed the people that textbooks are written regarding the failures of leadership. The people that are examples of what NOT to do for our future generations. Dichotomy to say the least.

As a boss, I always told my newly promoted supervisors, learn from those before you. What did you like, what did you dislike, and mold your future around your experiences. Create your own you and be genuine. You control your destiny by how you treat others. Remember where you came from, what you needed as a subordinate, what resources you needed to thrive. You determine your success.

I will miss my friend and mourn him as I continue to live. He was a great cop. A public servant to the core. He was at 9-11 in NYC working beside me and countless others trying helping in our own way. He served the citizens of NYS with honor and integrity despite the fallibility we all have at times. I'm not making excuses for him, he was human. He owned his mistakes but the job wouldn't let him move on. Now he is dead by his own hand.

There is hope out there and someone to lean on for support. Call a friend and know that the sun always rises tomorrow. I hope this was helpful for someone. RIP Frank.

Constructive discharge: "In employment law, constructive dismissal, also called constructive discharge or constructive termination. Constructive discharge occurs when an employee resigns as a result of the employer creating an ongoing hostile work environment that is not based on performance. Since the resignation was not truly voluntary, it is, in effect, a termination."